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Original poster

Oh my god. Think my mugshot must be pinned to the counter in Boots

524 replies

GeneralClassification · 16/07/2019 11:30

I needed to buy first aid bits and bobs to take on holiday. Popped into Boots and it was one of the mega sized ones, so I asked an assistant.

What I meant to say was ‘where do you keep the first aid things?’

What I did say was ‘where are the air traffic controllers?’

😭😭😭

She actually backed away from me 😭

OP posts:
timeforakinderworld · 18/07/2019 16:34

A few years ago when I used to still buy actual train tickets at the ticket window I had the following conversation:
Me: Could I have a return ticket, please?
Him: Where to?
Me: Er....back here?

timeforakinderworld · 18/07/2019 16:36

Yesterday I was putting up a picture next to our front door and was standing on a high stool with a hammer in my hand. The door bell rang and without thinking I reached down and opened the door. Let's just say the meter reader wasn't expecting a hammer-wielding giant to open the door!

CherithPonsonby · 18/07/2019 19:38

I once tried to take a book out of the library with my Boots Advantage card.

My dyslexic friend was baffled by an entry she’d written in her diary that read, “organ rectal”. Took her ages to figure out it was an upcoming organ recital at the cathedral.

SallyOMalley · 18/07/2019 19:57

A long time ago, this one.

My friend and I decide to go to the cinema, and said friend offer to phone up and book.

Having just been discussing the film we want to see ('The Silence of the Lambs'), she brightly asks for two tickets for 'The Shearing of the Sheep'. I mean ... Why??

Nope, Hannibal Lector wasn't in that one ...

SnugglySnerd · 18/07/2019 20:02

Love the Shearing of the Sheep Grin

Badabingbadabum · 18/07/2019 20:27

I took a dull work related circular magazine to a colleague at work. He was chatting to a few people and with a big smile I handed him the magazine and said, "this came for you. Something for the weekend". He looked confused and everyone around him was giggling. It was only when I was walking back down the office I realised what I'd said.

awesmum · 18/07/2019 20:32

I had sold something online and the people where coming to collect it, we live out in the country side and they rang for directions, which gave them. When I got off the phone the kids were rolling on the floor laughing apparently as I hung up I said 'Bye, love you.' It made for a very uncomfortable meeting to handover what I had sold.

FishFingerseveryday · 18/07/2019 20:42

Working in a call centre of a building society, call came through from a reverend which made me slightly nervous. So of course instead of ‘three bank working days’ I said ‘three wank burking days’.

Alakazam8 · 18/07/2019 20:43

I have a gardener as disabilities prevent me from doing my own garden. I should say had a gardener as I have been avoiding him for over a month now.
I passed him once around 4 weeks ago on a lovely warm day. I commented on the weather being so pleasant. He agreed and said that it’s a shame I have to wear this uniform- it makes it hot in this weather. He joked that he should try to garden naked like Jamie Oliver did for cooking.
I then replied ‘you could start a business, the naked gardener, I’d definitely book in for that! ‘
Thought of moving house but have managed to avoid him since then.

Love this thread- great to have a proper laugh at some of these!

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 18/07/2019 21:07

At my best friends daughters Christening I said to my friend...
'do they have agricultural shows around here, your mum should definitely enter'.

Agricultural shows usually have cake competitions, not just livestock, and her Mum is an excellent baker and cake decorator! (And very nice!)

Alwaysgrey · 18/07/2019 21:14

Our kids aren’t very patient in the car so we’ve started up the game ‘yellow car’. When we’re out in the car we shout out yellow car when we see one. Which was great until I was having a conversation with the kids head teacher (he’s normally out by the gates) when a yellow car pulled into the car park next to us and I loudly yelled at him “yellow car”. I wished him a good evening and scuttled away blushing. I now need to avoid him at the school gates.

TheyCallMeMellowYellow · 18/07/2019 21:39

I took my son to the doctor one day when he had a strange looking rash on his leg.
The doctor couldn't work out what it could be so started asking questions.
Wondering if he could've been stung by a plant of some sort he asked if I had many trees or bushes in my garden... my reply, "well yes, I do have quite a bushy garden" Blush
I hadn't realised what I had said until it was out... cue me trying not to laugh and the doctor looking very awkward!

Timmytimetime · 18/07/2019 22:18

When DS was a toddler he went through a phase of saying "my can't " instead of "I can't ". We were in the park and I asked him to do something and he shouted at the top of his lungs "MY CAN'T, MY CAN'T". I looked round to see some mums trying not to laugh...

boringlyboring · 18/07/2019 22:38

It wasn't until later Steve realised he wasn't saying bacon he was saying soap while I was making pig noises.

This has just killed me😂😂😂😂

Ljcoolgran · 18/07/2019 23:05

Mr Hiscock 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

EarringsandLipstick · 18/07/2019 23:06

Yellow car! is brilliant 😂😂😂

MeganChips · 18/07/2019 23:32

I love this thread!

I was once working from home and on a conference call with some potential new supplier and some very senior managers.

I needed to fart so completely without thinking about it, I did. It was much, much louder than expected and the Webex flashed up “MeganChips is talking” just as I did it.

Mortified is not the word. I faked a coughing fit to try and cover my tracks.

DickZillaofTheVilla · 18/07/2019 23:55

I have a bad habit of switching letters around and putting random spaces or full stops when I’m typing quickly I once sent out an email to senior management with the subject line: Re sluts Blush I hope they weren’t too disappointed to receive the results of a new project I’d been coordinating

Hollanda40 · 19/07/2019 06:48

I wasn't concentrating at work one day and typed orgasm instead of organism. Also typed disorganised cells instead of degenerated cells. Confused

jackstini · 19/07/2019 07:35

Absolutely crying here!! Love this thread

My worst was working in a travel agent aged 16 and a very good looking lad of about 18/19 asked for a brochure

I meant to say 'I'll just pop in the back room and get it for you' what came out was 'just get in the back room and I'll pop it for you' Blush

Could not look him in the eye handing over brochure...

FleetwoodMacsDreams · 19/07/2019 07:50

I was once sat around with colleagues waiting for a meeting to start. We were talking about my new house and how my husband was trying to appropriate a room to be his man cave. My female colleague then boldly chips in saying that she has a lady cave..!

She tried to brazen it out by explaining that as she often worked from home the home office was seen as her space, but we couldn’t get past the lady cave bit which was making us all snigger. I don’t remember anything else about that meeting.

wiccababe · 19/07/2019 09:52

I'm loving these - particularly Yellow Car - when my DS was tiny he was mad about fire engines. Stuck in slow moving traffic one hot Summer's afternoon, with all the windows rolled down, a fire engine pulled along side our car. I pointed at it excitedly and shouted 'Oh wow, look at that, it's a huge one and look how shiny it is!'. It was only when I heard the raucous laughter from the crew inside that I realised I was on my way home from work and I was alone in the car!

anothernamereally · 19/07/2019 10:06

I think I've told this one here before but....
Picking ds up from activity and another mum asks who's your son? I reply 'sam' then realise that I've said older ds name - instead of just leaving it at that, after all she's unlikely to remember or care, or telling her that's my older son and I got confused - what I actually said was
'Oh no that's not his name my sons name is 'ben' with a big grin
We stood there in silence until the activity ended Blush

peachescariad · 19/07/2019 10:11

Ordering cocktails on holiday with the barman right by my side, my DD said 'Mum are you having the penis one again?'.....(pina colada)

PriestShame · 19/07/2019 15:27

I was about 12 and at church (catholic) and went up to receive the Eucharist from the priest.
So the priest is supposed to say “the body of Christ” and then you say “amen” and he gives you the Eucharist.
However I was daydreaming in the queue and when I got to the priest I stole his line and said “the body of Christ” myself.
He was utterly speechless and just stood there staring at me in horror/bewilderment for what seemed like forever. He just couldn’t figure out what to do or say next cos I’d said his line (you’d think they’d have some sort of training for this at priest school wouldn’t you, I mean surely I’m not the person to have done this).
Meanwhile I could see my distorted reflection in his chalice getting redder and redder.
I ended up just scuttling back to my seat.