Oooo I received an anonymous letter this morning...from THE VILLAGERS 😬

[FlybirdFly]

Will post a pic later but need to redact info first.

An A4 page complaining about rubbish outside my house, that they’ve been picking it up for months, I have a responsibility to secure my rubbish and I have two weeks to get 2/3 wheelie bins or “measures will be taken”

It’s actually quite polite tbf if you ignore the subtle threat

Only problem is....it isn’t my fucking rubbish! We locked the gate to the field a few months ago and everyone now flytips outside the farm instead (by everyone I mean a few wankers) usually black bags that have missed the bin men/women. They use to chuck them on our farm bonfire but as the gate is locked they throw them on the bondary of my property. My rubbish is kept on my property until bin day.

Unfortunately they’ve missed all the signs saying we have CCTV so I’ll be having a look to see if I can see any pitchforks and angry villagers when I get back from the school run

I love that the envelope has a / in it too!

Seriously unimpressed with Juliet Bravo

OMG - I missed the OP's post with the envelope

invisablellama I cant unsee the poo in the glass.

What is it op?

What nail varnish are u wearing?

Not impressed by JBs lack of interest. I smell something fishy...and it's not DCat's vomit! Anything on cctv re new bag of rubbish?

I like your trousers, OP.

Dear mumsnetter/person/. WE / the villagers/occupants/residents
who do not know/realise/understand how to write a letter, have found it nessiserry to write to you/sned you a note/ again.

Their is still rabbash in the fasinity/area/lokalitee of your bins/rubbash/trash....

Pleeze be uware, that a kopio of this letter/note/warning has been saved...

I think it's someone from the new-build houses (you did say there were new builds, didn't you) who doesn't know the name of the lane but being a city-type thought that there'd be a street sign up that they could fill in. And when there was no street sign to help them, they decided to lose the envelope in case the lack of a named lane made them look stupid thus adding to the fly tipping problem they're complaining about.

Nail varnish I’m not sure, will ask nail lady

Trousers are from Zara a few years ago

Poo object is an acorn DD uses to tell what the weather will be tomorrow

House is 200 year old farmhouse so I feel affronted by the accusation it is only a “farmhouse style”

No I don’t own the house, I’m a long term tenant

There is more rubbish! I’m going to take a pic in a min

I might explode with curiosity. How can an acorn predict the weather? I too think it is a poo in a glass, funniest and weirdest thing I’ve seen in ages.

Also, it’s bin night TONIGHT!

Can I also ask what’s happening with dick? (OK I realise that’s a very rude question)

The flytipper is CLEARLY Juliet Bravo.

Forget logging it with 101. 101 is for wimps. You need to go over her head.

This needs to be 999.

Or the flying squad.

Perhaps the army?

Maybe the Chair of the PC?

There needs to be an undercover operation, with those big goggles which help you see at night to catch her in the act. Take that bitch dooooowwwwwwn

Can someone bring me up to speed !!! Cba to read from page 10 op was going to speak to the village bobby who was up the creek thanks x hope op has got to bottom of it why are people so rude and gutless just knock on the door if you feel it’s your business honestly

Can you take some scrapings of the licky part of the envelope and post them on here so a friendly mumsnetter can do a DNA test over the internet?

belle

Read the thread.

HTH

Belle - thread is basically 99% posters saying OMG your bins are collected weekly!?

Yes and that it could be a midsomer murders potential script!! btw I do still, atm have a weekly bin collection ...sorry!! Just to add

Bins

And a broken laundry basket?

NDN came over to investigate bins. Opened one and recoiled. It was dog poo and a lot of empty toothpaste tubes

It has to be Dick if it’s poo bags, isn’t he the leader of the dog walkers.

Breaking cover to reveal that I had to double back to look at "poo in a glass". We all need more info on predicting the weather via an acorn. Back under cover now.

Belle you can either customise your settings such that the OP's posts are highlighted in a different colour (I think it's green, but mine are pink because I'm special and MN love me) and then you can scroll through quickly stopping adeptly at the OP's posts and at least read those (polite), or you can 'search on this page' - however you do that depending upon what you use to access MN - for OP's name which will allow you to skip from OP's post to OP's post (polite), and either way you choose to do it will be more polite than not bothering to even read the OP's posts.

Did you check CCTV OP?

Lovely nails btw.

Empty toothpaste tubes you say? Well that narrows it down. Just look for someone who is planning a large dinner party but whose budget won’t stretch to after dinner mints. Find out who buys Take A Break from the village shop.

I think you should auction it all off (especially the poo-toothpaste bag). Make a large laminated sign "Mystery Fun Bags!!!! (And boxes) for Auction for Charidee/self-aggrandisement/wilful annoyance" Choose a date when you will be far far away and spin a tale to that auctioneer chappie who organises auctions of people's tat so one wondrous villager/community person benefits (that'll be you, naturally).

I'll start. How much for the box?

Loving this thread better than Columbo. Clang! Just showed my age now haven't I?! Must stop smokin these cigars can't help it thou.... puff sigh scratches head....