Oooo I received an anonymous letter this morning...from THE VILLAGERS 😬

[FlybirdFly]

Will post a pic later but need to redact info first.

An A4 page complaining about rubbish outside my house, that they’ve been picking it up for months, I have a responsibility to secure my rubbish and I have two weeks to get 2/3 wheelie bins or “measures will be taken”

It’s actually quite polite tbf if you ignore the subtle threat

Only problem is....it isn’t my fucking rubbish! We locked the gate to the field a few months ago and everyone now flytips outside the farm instead (by everyone I mean a few wankers) usually black bags that have missed the bin men/women. They use to chuck them on our farm bonfire but as the gate is locked they throw them on the bondary of my property. My rubbish is kept on my property until bin day.

Unfortunately they’ve missed all the signs saying we have CCTV so I’ll be having a look to see if I can see any pitchforks and angry villagers when I get back from the school run

Could The Swann be guilty??? www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-44628399

Yes yes to asking for advice from the real police.

Update has narked me. She needs to be upbraided on this.

Go on OP, put a figurative bat up her nightdress!!!

Very disappointed in Juliet Bravo.

Rubbish response from Juliet Bravo pretend PC

Another update: have just found this envelope in the garden. DD said letter didn’t come in an envelope and was pushed through the door. Did they plan to put it through with an envelope and then decided not to? It’s all a bit weird.

Alternatively DD opened the envelope and doesn’t want to admit she chucked rubbish in the garden! But she wouldn’t have opened it in the garden so it’s all a bit weird! Was blown in a hedge

Now I definitely think it was someone who doesn’t live down here as they’ve left the name of the lane blank instead of trying to spell it!

So, Juliet Bravo has bugger all to do with her days than lurk around the creek playing with her mobile phone, or be concerned about penis drawings on the bus stop, or dog shit - and now a random speed trap in the middle of nowhere('ish)?

Dearie me, now is the time to call Inspector Barnaby - he takes vicious anonymous notes very seriously ... much helped by his wife, Joyce, who knows everyone - and will immediately recognise the hand writing. Joyce is not as boring as she looks

In the meantime, I'm happy to try to find Sergeant Hathaway for you

In other news THERE IS A BAG OF RUBBISH OUTSIDE THE HOUSE. I’m going to leave it there and have a look at CCTV to see if I can catch who dumped it.

That’s very odd because if they were local and lived in the village they’d know exactly where you live, house name and road name.

Unless.......the letter was hand delivered by someone else and that’s the instructions of how to get to you....

Oh I hope the cctv caught someone

Bit weird that the policewoman isn't interested

And he/she has managed to spell house correctly AND incorrectly in the same line!

The plot thickens...

how brazen, dumping it in daylight, the plot thickens!
Very odd about the envelope, maybe they were going to put the note in it but realised they might get caught and just wanted to hurry up?

Are you an occupier /owner or just an occupier OP?
Do you think that they took the envelope off at the last minute when they realized it made them look stupid....but then littered the hedge with it?
Is your house in fact a Farmhouse or a House in the Style of a Farmhouse? What is a House in the Style of a Farmhouse?
...so many questions!!

Does Juliet Bravo live in the village?
Just trying to assess why her nonchalant attitude to it all, very strange

Police lady's response is totally normal. This does not seem like a police matter. Some people getting a little carried away on this thread.

I can't draw to save my life but have just had a hilarious coversation with DS who is 17 explaining what I'd like him to draw for me and why.
He just shhok his head sadly, looked disapproving and carried on with his DOfE expedition packing

Wrong thread

Was th

"Some people getting a little carried away on this thread."

You do realise that much of this in tongue-in-cheek, chaz?!

chaz you think ?

Ah so there are at least two people involved then
The writer and the deliverer
Hmm

Bit odd JB the Plod not interested at all. I received an anonymous letter once, with less threats than yours, which I took to the police. They looked into, identified where it had come from and had “strong words”. Turned out the author got the wrong house which is why I didn’t have a clue what they were talking about. Anyway the police did something. I live in a small town with a village mentality by the way.

Aha! Envelope indicates that the note was not meant for you at all, but for someone in the middle of an industrial estate. The Intended Recipient saw from the handwriting that it was an Admonitory Note (IR has had many on various topics) and snatched it up on his/her way out. Stopped briefly to adjust his Knickers From Hell and thought he'd open it after all, did so, wondered what to do with this bit of shit piece of rubbish, so tossed the envelope to the wind and pushed the letter through your door for shitsandgiggles. Then drove off to Terribly Important Meeting.

PS You should get a Komodo, they're useful.

Aha! They’ve dumped the envelope as they were worried their saliva could be DNA tested.

Tell me OP. Is it your farm?

Dear Op, please could you tell us what the long (poo-like) thing is in a glass, in the background of the envelope pic?