Oooo I received an anonymous letter this morning...from THE VILLAGERS 😬

[FlybirdFly]

Will post a pic later but need to redact info first.

An A4 page complaining about rubbish outside my house, that they’ve been picking it up for months, I have a responsibility to secure my rubbish and I have two weeks to get 2/3 wheelie bins or “measures will be taken”

It’s actually quite polite tbf if you ignore the subtle threat

Only problem is....it isn’t my fucking rubbish! We locked the gate to the field a few months ago and everyone now flytips outside the farm instead (by everyone I mean a few wankers) usually black bags that have missed the bin men/women. They use to chuck them on our farm bonfire but as the gate is locked they throw them on the bondary of my property. My rubbish is kept on my property until bin day.

Unfortunately they’ve missed all the signs saying we have CCTV so I’ll be having a look to see if I can see any pitchforks and angry villagers when I get back from the school run

In fairness Since, you’re probably not too wide of the mark if you interpret them as words that would turn the air blue!

I bet Police lady Julia is loving the chance to investigate something other than dog poo

Ah yey! I worked out the village from googling (and did an actual real-life “eeeep”!) then you and ohfourfoxache confirmed... so pleased with my detective skills! A few counties over from me.

All very odd the bobby being round at RVM’s so soon after. Really wonder if Clive, RVM and Dick all thought it was you being crap with your rubbish, got frothed up and sent you the letter then found out via Clive it was in fact fly tippers and are now feeling sheepish - perhaps they were confessing to Julia Bravo?

WHY IS MEGAN SMILING?!

Wrong thread

Argh stop saying you found me 🕵️‍♀️😫🤭

Let’s all move along, nothing to see here

Megan? Is she the latest suspect? Damn, I was grappling with the marquee and missed Fox's cryptic village clue!

Megan

You want the love island thread mnah, it’s over yonder that way

@tildama, it did! Not sure if it does now. We went a bit posh with the new builds coming

Is this for real?! I can't stop laughing, sorry @ OP, it's like a cross between Rosemary and Thyme, Gilmore Girls and The Wicker Man!!!!!!

Personally, I think the letter writer wrote it in an intentionally dumbed down way and also changed their handwriting, to me it sounds like a thirty something female busybody with OCD. I bet they write nothing like that in their real writing.

I would deffo contact the police though as it does sound threatening and these country types often have guns.

Ooh, I got an image of Johnny Depp in Secret Window there

This thread is just as exciting as live island. Easily confused

@mnahmnah I've never seen Love Island but surely this is better?

You can make up the fun stuff in your head instead of boring reality .

Settling in with my cucumber sandwiches and pot of tea.

Having lived in London my entire life this is fascinating.
I think you meant vicinityating

ACTUALLY CRYING 😂😂😂😂😂

It's someone who walks their dog along your lane and feels obliged to pick up stray rubbish. There was probably a particular mess on Saturday which propelled them into [bonkers] action. Stick a laminated 'no fly tipping' sign on your boundary and let it go. Nutters.

Placemarking obviously. I'm worried about Julia

typed?handwritten?cut out newspaper letters n cellotape??? paint a "no villagers"sign and erect (lol lol )it....

I would put the cat sick copy up in the post office and ask if the writer can give you a new copy as you are unable to read the one you got on account of the cat vomming on it

@gahwhatever it's a Lone nutter

@GahWhatever, I think you’re right. Bag of clothes was the tipping point into letter writing madness

*Lane nutter

For anybody on evening CCTV watch the security lights are all on

And also there looks to be a Komodo dragon on the floor

I can’t watch it live, convinced LaneNutter will suddenly pop up in front of the camera HERESSSSS JONNYYYYYY style

Ah good! The clueing in as to where post has gone!

Leave the butter neighbours to clear up the mess themselves, or to just pop a wheelie there at their own expense for the fly tippers to ignore and make them further irritated! 🤣

Nutter neighbours! Not *butter neighbours... what a funny autocorrect! Lol