Oooo I received an anonymous letter this morning...from THE VILLAGERS 😬

[FlybirdFly]

Will post a pic later but need to redact info first.

An A4 page complaining about rubbish outside my house, that they’ve been picking it up for months, I have a responsibility to secure my rubbish and I have two weeks to get 2/3 wheelie bins or “measures will be taken”

It’s actually quite polite tbf if you ignore the subtle threat

Only problem is....it isn’t my fucking rubbish! We locked the gate to the field a few months ago and everyone now flytips outside the farm instead (by everyone I mean a few wankers) usually black bags that have missed the bin men/women. They use to chuck them on our farm bonfire but as the gate is locked they throw them on the bondary of my property. My rubbish is kept on my property until bin day.

Unfortunately they’ve missed all the signs saying we have CCTV so I’ll be having a look to see if I can see any pitchforks and angry villagers when I get back from the school run

Also something in hedge 😬

Deer having a lay down maybe?

Ex DH suggested buying a fancy wheelie bin and then piling rubbish up next to it every week. Passive aggressive style

WILL NO-ONE THINK OF THE AMAMALS?!?!

Sincerely hoping the komodo dragon did not eat Juliet bravo . Welp, I hope you have a baseball bat @Flybirdfly

What would a deer crossed with a komodo dragon look like? What would they call it?!? deer-odo? Komodeer? Hmm..

Butter neighbours sound good!

Place marking- need to know who dunnit x

This thread is gripping!

Ooh just joined this thread..v late trying NOT to skip to.last page like I do with novels...just pouring a G&T...Rather exciting cloak n dagger stuff...measures eh? The mind boggles. Lol...(suspect I'm. Older residents from patronising tone of letter)

Luckystar, surely, a Komodo Dragon crossed with a deer would be a Roedo Deergon?

Lol, Roedo Deergon, for sure @rochelaise18, what was I thinking! Hehe!

This could all be made into a special edition of Cluedo!

Also something in hedge 😬 Deer having a lay down maybe?

Nah that's Juliet Bravo & Postman Pat (RVM) shagging.

Isn't Roedo Deergon one of the sexy ones from Game of Thrones?

I think 'fasinate' is some weird phonetic spelling of vicinity (fa-sin-at-ee).

I'm in agreement with many that the letter may have been written "for the greater good".

Dick is over 90 and sells knock off tobacco from som Russian men, or so the gossip goes, it’s not him!
Dick isn’t anyone’s biatch, he walks his dog round the woods at 11pm every night with just a torch and a shooting stick. Dick is hardcore

Dick is your mafia frontman. You need to get him on board. He'll flush em out and put a horses head on their pillow

@FlybirdFly I'm asking because the author could have made a copy of the letter to be "kept" using it, so someone there might remember. Slim chance but worth checking.

Remote monitoring might be a bit beyond us but that’s a fascinating job

It's not really. It's definitely different though. I've only been doing it for two years. When people ask me what I do for a living (which happens a lot these days) my first reaction is to sigh. I end up giving the same lengthy explanation every time.

@pigeyedhorsefrightener I think we should call the RSPCA, quite a few amamals are now at risk! And I don't think OP wants to wake to find a komodo head in her bed

Loving this thread. Was always useless at Cleudo so have no Colombo style questions or musings to add. Just want to know who did it!!!

Oh man - this is amazing! Live in Oz, but emigrating to the UK next year. Are all villages like this? Reminds me of the Agatha Raisin tv series

I fancy if you had an ACTUAL Komodo dragon patrolling the boundaries you'd have no problem with fly tippers (or note posters).

@Mummymumface read the books to prepare! There's 30 or so of them.

I think dick will be the man to solve the case 🕵️‍♂️👴📝🔍📽👮‍♀️🗑 < thread in emojis

ohhh ayeeeeeee it put a fem sign in next to my police woman

I think your suspect here is PC Julia I don't really, but in the absence of knowing who the real offender is, let's go with it! Bet she's in a relationship with RVM and is trying to spice up her utterly miserable day job!