Oooo I received an anonymous letter this morning...from THE VILLAGERS 😬

[FlybirdFly]

Will post a pic later but need to redact info first.

An A4 page complaining about rubbish outside my house, that they’ve been picking it up for months, I have a responsibility to secure my rubbish and I have two weeks to get 2/3 wheelie bins or “measures will be taken”

It’s actually quite polite tbf if you ignore the subtle threat

Only problem is....it isn’t my fucking rubbish! We locked the gate to the field a few months ago and everyone now flytips outside the farm instead (by everyone I mean a few wankers) usually black bags that have missed the bin men/women. They use to chuck them on our farm bonfire but as the gate is locked they throw them on the bondary of my property. My rubbish is kept on my property until bin day.

Unfortunately they’ve missed all the signs saying we have CCTV so I’ll be having a look to see if I can see any pitchforks and angry villagers when I get back from the school run

Slow an steady wins the day ....

When I say 'run!!!' run like the wind, out of car park, turn left, meet me outside 'Clive's Car Service' (here at your disposal). We'll split the winnings.
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RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Running Sassy-stylie! Not drawing attention to us in the slightest! Go Clive Go!

And in RL off to bed... look forward to hearing how neighbour gets on with Dick Discussions and whether you get hold of Julia with or without her paddle in the morn FlyBird.

Keep filling that notebook Tatty!

Potential suspect on MN.... thread asking about people's rubbish collections,
It could be Julie 'up the creek' Bravo making discreet enquiries or it could be Nigel/June village busybodies trying to justify measures and demands ...
How often does your rubbish get colllected?www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3288164-How-often-does-your-rubbish-get-colllected

I'm off to Cuba with my winnings Assassin.
*
FlyBird* I think you need to look more carefully at the postman. They know everything and everyone. I call mine Bill, his name's Roger, but everyone calls him Bill. Bloody villages.
Did you find Juliet Bravo yet?

Any news from Dick? I have concerns about him as he may fit my profiling attempt. I’m going with male, aged 85 plus, of the cohort that left school at 14.

He was one of the clever ones at school and has always thought he deserved more in life than he got. His superior brain has remembered the lesson on writing a formal letter and the choice in words is caused by him having to explain them to you. New fangled computers were developed to allow the government to spy on you and he wouldn’t have one in the house. His landline is still attached by a curly wire.

His measures might include setting a match to the old bonfire patch to get you in trouble with the parish council. It’ll be a pincer action with the copper held at a distance because the curly wire won’t stretch that far. To damp things down you may need to get someone to pee on the fly tipped rubbish.

Why has no one asked this question

someone posted two anonymous quotes to a tree nearby

ARE THEY HANDWRITTEN?????

They were printed and laminated, not handwritten

Dick is over 90 and sells knock off tobacco from som Russian men, or so the gossip goes, it’s not him!

I can’t sleep

FlyBird all the joking aside, I get that this is unsettling but I don't think they're out to harm you. However, the letter is threatening and if you can't get in touch with Juliet Bravo I'd ring 111 because someone is trying to intimidate you.

This is the best thread I think I've ever read.
My money is on the police lady, no one ever suspects the cops would be doing the crime?

This thread is the stuff of mn legend!

Fly I think you should hold a most-talented / most-obedient village dog contest. Put a note up at village hall. Nosey-parker dog-walker is bound to think their dog is superior. Line up your suspects & proceed to eliminate them (from your enquiries, not with a shotgun). That is unless Juliet Bravo turns up with a better idea.

Sorry I missed drinks at The Slaughtered Lamb - was bringing in the washing, gardening etc.
Sleep well Fly & fellow sleuths.
Damn I must stop using those slash marks!

This thread was begun on Monday morning and I was gripped by its unfolding details.

I thought I was reading it on Wednesday morning, and I was hopeful that I'd see all of Tuesday's developments (discovery of the copper, further CCTV activity).

Most disappointed to realise that I'm reading it on Tuesday morning.

@TheSassyAssassin

@TattyFrench @TheSassyAssassin

@PigletJohn "Look for a retired plumber. They can get very strange"
ROFL

Up with the dawn chorus to keep an eye on the goings on in the village

Onion, at this stage in the investigation I am suspicious of your motives for asking

I’m sorry if I overstepped the mark by asking but I was/am genuinely interested in your life on a farm.

On a serious note though FlybirdFly, I would install a motion activated light pointed at the rubbish area and horny teen parking.

Nothing untoward overnight.

It was bothering me that the letter said Saturday but they didn’t deliver it until Monday. Then I remembered that the dog was being a PITA early hours Sunday morning so I got up and let her out in the garden and went back to bed. If they tried to deliver it that morning they probably aborted the attempt as front door was open and dog in the garden.

I’m going to email the parish council today and ask them to ask Julia to call me. As least I’ll have a record that I tried to get in contact

Do you know where Julia lives, or hangs out during the day, when she's not at the creek? Perhaps you can circumvent the PC by finding her directly? And just as an aside, what does she do at the creek?!

@panpanpan, rumour has it she plays games on her phone and sits on Facebook

She’s often spotted parked in lay-bys, telling the school kids to put their fags out at the school bus stop and finding lost dogs

I did see her in her stab vest once and couldn’t help but smile

I think she must be related to PC Penhale (Doc Martin)!

////goodmorning///ALL
a copy of this greeting has been kept

OP, another ex villager here, your sponsored PCSO is possibly up shit creek without a paddle.
Ring 101 and log letter/missing PCSO/suspiciouscharacters in the
Fasinate of////The Slaughtered Lamb HTH....