MIL and her picnic hamster

[insancerre]

On a visit to MIL for her birthday
She told us SIL has bought BIL a picnic hamster as a present
After several silent moments during which DH and I tried desperately hard to contain ourselves and not look at each other, she finally announced it was in fact, a picnic hamper
DH calmly said " a hamster is a small, furry creature"

It's comedy gold here
Any good MILisms where you are?

But a male bird is called a cock. Words can have more than one meaning. Easy to explain that to kids. Apart from anything else, it makes incidents like that funnier........

My mum loves a McDonalds coffee and likes saving up her little coffee bean stickers. The only problem is I have had to stop going with her because she will not stop asking for a McCappuccino or a McLatte. Last time I went with her I asked for a Sprite, and yes you guessed it, she orders me a McSprite.

Medium McChicken McSandwich, with a McCappuccino, please.

I can’t keep a straight face and she refuses to believe that they haven’t named every menu item McWhateveryoufancy.

I struggle to see the issue with calling a cock a cock. If you really didn’t like it couldn’t you call it a cockerel? Wtf is a cockadoodledoo?

It’s the noise they make!
Maybe you just had to be there. Sorry if it’s not funny but it made us all laugh at the time. I hope it’s ok that I posted.

My mother stood in the middle of sainsburys and with a large marrow in hand bellowed across to me that ' all I need now is a really good stuffing'

I am never taking her there again

@KarinVogel I'm in the hairdressers and you're responsible for my first ever "spat my coffee out" laugh.

We've always called them 'Destructions' as well.

When DS was small he called his dressing gown a dressing down and used an 'Umzebra' in the rain. We think the latter was a him getting confused between an Umbrella and a Zebra in his flash cards.

My ex MIL was obsessed with her dog Roger and used to talk to it all the time. I’m more of a cat person. One day the gig wouldn’t leave me alone . She said “ Oh what’s up Roger? ! Can you smell Grindahs pussy?!” We had to leave the room

Within a few posts we went from stuffing to pussy....

Apologies for lowering the tone

Lol wasn’t complaining.....definitely a joke there though

A friend of mine on getting her new car... it an "Aldi" 😂 we still
laugh now

Avondice . Now that did make me laugh. Brilliant...

Yay, made it to classics
😁

OK, I was reading out some of the pearlers in this thread to DS3 while cooking tea. It's his job to lay the table. I was assembling the chilli wraps and discussing whether they needed knives and forks when DS decided 'No, that's a hand job!' And almost instantly realised what he'd said. Well, he is 15...

My nan once asked a waitress for some foil to wrap up her leftover chicken
"so my pussy can enjoy some meat later too"

A woman I used to work with came out with some good ones. The ones that spring to mind are:-
She gave a facetious address' (fictitious).
He can play an autistic guitar (acoustic).
I had some chocolate portfolios (profiteroles).
A Shillelagh is like a small guitar (ukelele).

CollinsVeryJolly . Sounds like the sort of thing my late DMum would have come out with!

Older lady next door told us she couldn’t go to France ever again on holiday because she had spent the whole week being plagued by midgets and they had bitten her all over........
(midgys)

Also had a school friend whose Gran bought her some knickers with a cat on that said ‘nice pussy’... we were 16 and she couldn’t forgive out why we were laughing

At a friends 16th birthday party and my cousin is talking to our friends parents. Her dad says "our dd seems like she always has a Duracell up her arse" (meaning she's always got lots of energy) and my cousin replied with "I doubt she's tried anal yet" thinking he'd said durex

@Hippobottymus

My mil used to call Peugeot cars peg-outs, which was unfortunate as she drove a peg-out 306. We gave up trying to put her right.
While driving through loads of roadworks with my DM she suddenly demanded that I pull over. I'm in really slow moving single lane traffic with cones all over the place so asked why, "because that sign said now read the layout" she replied. No mum, it said new road layout.

An ex-colleague’s sister was at a meeting which was interrupted by the receptionist popping her head round the door to ask the owner of the ‘bright red Vulva’ to move it, as it was causing an obstruction.

Was once asked to move me yaris :)