MIL and her picnic hamster

[insancerre]

On a visit to MIL for her birthday
She told us SIL has bought BIL a picnic hamster as a present
After several silent moments during which DH and I tried desperately hard to contain ourselves and not look at each other, she finally announced it was in fact, a picnic hamper
DH calmly said " a hamster is a small, furry creature"

It's comedy gold here
Any good MILisms where you are?

Olga that reminds me of my mother. I asked her where the neighbour's daughter and new husband were going on holiday. She replied "oh Guantanamo Bay I think, one of those places where everyone's off to lately."

She meant the Maldives

An elderly relative was very concerned that if she were to fall asleep during the day, the window cleaner would not be able to arouse her when he called.

My mum told me about the time she got stung by a jelly baby at the beach.

My 3yo DS informed me he’d had roast beast and potatoes for dinner at pre-school 🤣

DS announced that he'd given his lunch box a sense of irony.

(We eventually worked out that he meant a sense of identity. If I were a lunch box, would I emote over my identity crisis? Discuss. )

My DGM after getting off the plane was glad to be back on terracotta.
My MIL said of our (tarty) friend that he has many conkers to his bow. I think she meant strings to his bow and conquests.

Surely a Christmas Moose is just a reindeer in disguise?

@SistersofPercy "cruel wind", perhaps?

My nana used to like watching the "grand pricks" (grand prix)

My DM told me when I was a baby, my DGM came to visit a lot to help out. Once when I puked all down DM's back, DGM said "I'll go and get the Muslims out of the airing cupboard."

My DM & I were reminiscing about a pony I had as a child... "gosh wasn't he full of spunk" 🙉🙉🙉

Mine calls DVDs VDs. Now that's what DH and I call them.

My husband's late grandma called a hamster, a "Hampstead".

My mil had arthritis and tense muscles and was advised to use a massager. She kept calling it her vibrator.

My dm is the queen of mispronounciations. When dh and I got back from a wedding the day after she asked if there was any quincy at the wedding. She actually meant quiche.

English is her second language and dB and I often have to translate stuff for her.

Bit late to the party but my Gran, bless her socks, had a few gems.

She used to say she did her charitable giving through Carrefour (she meant Cafod).

She also insisted on long range eggs (free range!)

And once requested a specific bottle of wine, Frenchman's Creek. My parents spent ages searching for it only to discover she meant Jacobs Creek...

She was a proud woman though and did not appreciate her mistakes being pointed out!

My DM the other day attempting to explain the plot of that Bodyguard drama: “it’s an ex soldier, got that PDSA...”

Great aunty - do you still have that gerkin in the cage?

Me: What?

(gerbil, long since gone)

Friend looking at muscly guy at bus stop. 'He looks like he's overdone it with the illegal asteroids.' 😀

My dd's mil took their new puppy for her jabs and proudly announce she was a Suzuki.
Saluki she meant!!

Ex h and i worked together. Stood chatting with boss one day about a colleague who was a little odd. Ex announces "well everyone has their little quims." He meant quirks. This was about 30 years ago and it still makes me laugh to this day.

Years ago, on trip to Wales to visit my Welsh speaking friend, we were at Eisteddfod. A lot of people had drunk a lot of beer and I was stood in a shop doorway when an elderly guy, obviously the worse for wear, pushed past me and weaved into the shop. As he passed me he said something or other I couldn't catch. I thought maybe he'd said something in Welsh and asked my friend to translate.
"Oh, it was nothing", he said, "he just muttered something completely illegible..."

I'll never forget a biology class at school. We were doing about genetics and blood types. The teacher asked if the parents had these blood types and the children had these blood types, how many of the children are illegitimate.

My friend put up her hand and asked, totally deadpan, how you could tell if someone could read or write by their blood group.

" I had one of those poonani's for lunch" ...... Pannini Mum - It's a panini.

Mil was talking a few years ago about bil’s friend Michael and how he was a bad influence because he was a “ladyboy”. I didn’t want to rock the boat and didn’t say anything at the time about what an awful thing that was to say. A few months later I met Michael who is an absolute gorgeous specimen of a man, like the manliest man. Talking to dp today about Michaels upcoming wedding to which we’re invited and I said you know I still can’t believe he’s trans when did he start to transition it must have been well before puberty. Dp just looked at me like I had 3 heads. Told him what his mum had said and he just laughed and said oh she meant ladies man she always gets it confused. 4 fucking years!!!

When my son was about 6/7 he would often ask for penises for dinner... he meant a panini 😂

Also a hand up here for Burn After Reading being a quirky Brit flick 😳 I shall have to watch it now!