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Original poster

MIL and her picnic hamster

380 replies

insancerre · 28/05/2018 13:39

On a visit to MIL for her birthday
She told us SIL has bought BIL a picnic hamster as a present
After several silent moments during which DH and I tried desperately hard to contain ourselves and not look at each other, she finally announced it was in fact, a picnic hamper
DH calmly said " a hamster is a small, furry creature"

It's comedy gold here
Any good MILisms where you are?

OP posts:

poppym12 · 28/05/2018 19:36

My mother told my aunt that it was nice where I'd moved to. There were doggers everywhere. You only had to look out of the window and chances are you'd spot some doggers in the field.

Dog walkers are not doggers......

frasier · 28/05/2018 19:44

“If you go now you’ll have time for some foreplay.”

😳

Meaning practise a bit before a game of tennis 😂.

Andrewofgg · 28/05/2018 19:51

When I was about eight my parents and I met for the first time my sister’s bf’s mother - a lady of strict Methodist views - and we all had to watch our language. The problem there was likely to be my father - but it was my mother who sent me out to buy a bag of her favourite sweets. And she asked for sharley buggers and when I got back the atmosphere had gone down, down, down.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 28/05/2018 19:54

I know someone who asked a shop assistant for a pusher.
She wanted some help with her daughter's wheelchair, not a drug dealer. She didn't understand why the shop assistant looked worried and beetled off.
I can remember her explaining it to me and some friends and we had to carefully explain.
A different friend got very irate in a DIY store when they couldn't show her where the Mongolian paint was.
I don't have any good MIL stories alas, she passed away before I even met DH. My mum does have the occasional rant about pussies though. The annoying hairy things, pooping in the garden.

Chelseajunior · 28/05/2018 20:19

Once told my niece (5) to go and get her 'woolly blanket' at it was cold.
She came back with it and told me I had to stop calling it a 'willy blanket' as there isn't any willies on it.

BertrandRussell · 28/05/2018 20:32

Lots of these are alternative/older meanings of words- spunk and glory hole for example.....

Frouby · 28/05/2018 20:32

Dd aged 10. Very awkward and self concious. Had been doing year 6 sex ed and was mortified that school had sent a letter home detailing what would be covered.

Went out for tea and she ordered a burrito. Cut into it and said "oh it looks like testicles inside".

She meant intestines. Was all shredded cheese and chicken and veg.

Any other kids it wouldn't have been so funny. But dd was the Mrs Bucket of pre teens. And was so horrified.

BackforGood · 28/05/2018 20:36

That's what I was thinking Betrand - perfectly normal expressions that have been around for years. Not the fault of the older generation new slang meanings have been invented / added to the words since.

halfwitpicker · 28/05/2018 20:39

Stiffy cocky pudding

ScreamingValenta · 28/05/2018 20:39

'Spunk' is regularly used in the US - when 'Dasani' water was (disastrously) launched, the website featured a US advertisement describing the water as 'bottled spunk' .

Andrewofgg · 28/05/2018 20:39

Chimley is an old and genuine form. Just like father-in-law for stepfather. You find that in She Stoops to Conquer.

SallySynonym · 28/05/2018 20:40

My dad is just as bad for this. Like another poster mentioned upthread, he's fond of a beagle for breakfast. He was adamant that his sister had a vasectomy but my favourite of all was when he said that after the Beatles split up, George Harrison went to India and got into kama sutra. On several occasions I've heard him sing those words to My Sweet Lord.

Biber · 28/05/2018 20:50

My MIL was evaporated in WW2

AdaColeman · 28/05/2018 21:04

Evaporated? That must have been painful, did they use a Condensing Gun?

CoffeAndCream · 28/05/2018 21:06

My gran asked if we wanted semi skilled milk. Her friend was with her one day telling her about a mutual friend who had semolina poisoning after eating chicken.
My mum has a bad back, she often uses an electric massager on it which she has always referred to as a vibrator. We know what she means but it has led to some awkward moments!!!!

Maelstrop · 28/05/2018 21:08

Just like father-in-law for stepfather.

It’s the same word in French.

A friend’s little brother called digestives ‘dieyesterdays’.

My MIL was evaporated in WW2

Brilliant!

TooTrueToBeGood · 28/05/2018 21:24

My mum has a bad back, she often uses an electric massager on it which she has always referred to as a vibrator

There used to be a time when vibrators were advertised in mainstream papers as "personal massagers". Combine a rather unwordly-wise gran and a mum who'd been nursing a bad back for months and you get a christmas my family will never forget. Watching mum unwrap her present from MIL to discover a non-doctor vibrator was more than me and my siblings could cope with. Any attempts to stifle our giggles were dashed when gran cheerfully added "if you can't reach I'm sure 'dad' won't mind doing it for you".

TheSassyAssassin · 28/05/2018 21:27

@TooTrueToBeGood think you win the thread! Brilliant!

bertielab · 28/05/2018 21:33

Once had some lovely French guests that we have been asked to house for a weekend for a friend whilst they stayed locally.

Asking them one evening if they wanted a night cap they said ‘ no thank you. What is it you English say? We need to go to bed now. And up with the cock’. Asked the next day what the wife wanted from her visit and she said ‘ just a penis. A penis is good. Nothing beats a good penis’ - took me a few seconds to work out she meant happiness.

HildaZelda · 28/05/2018 21:36

@Biber, I wish mine had been!

GallicosCats · 28/05/2018 21:38

This one doesn't quite measure up but we've been talking about the Chelsea Shower Flow all week...

I'm sure it's not original

BillywilliamV · 28/05/2018 21:49

My DDs favourite film is" Carrots of the Pirabbean!"

whatislionshare · 28/05/2018 22:09

My mum once told me that DS was 'getting too big for his strap-on'. SIL and I were in fits of giggles for the rest of dinner (Mum meant his reins btw.)

Now that's funny

3luckystars · 28/05/2018 22:11

My dad loves garden ornaments (but doesn’t actually put them in the garden, he has them in the conservatory to keep them good, and has even made shelves for them)
Anyway we called over one Sunday and he says loudly ‘did you see my cock?’ I was thinking oh no, as he is very old but he show me this giant cockerel statue that he has proudly made a shelf for. He then keeps going on about the bargain it was, and how he had been eyeing up this particular cock and managed to get it in the sale when my mother comes in from mass and says loudly ‘did you see you fathers cock!!’ Isn’t it lovely??

Oh my god I was absolutely mortified and didn’t know where to look and kept saying ‘it’s called a cockadoodledoo’ but I know they are showing to everyone that calls in to the house and I can’t say anything to them.

RedTulip86 · 28/05/2018 22:18

Managed to read just the first page and nominated to Classics. Howling with laughter

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