MIL and her picnic hamster

[insancerre]

On a visit to MIL for her birthday
She told us SIL has bought BIL a picnic hamster as a present
After several silent moments during which DH and I tried desperately hard to contain ourselves and not look at each other, she finally announced it was in fact, a picnic hamper
DH calmly said " a hamster is a small, furry creature"

It's comedy gold here
Any good MILisms where you are?

Mother and I were on holiday in Italy staying in a B&B run by two elderly sisters who spoke no English. We can get by in Italian, and all was well until they asked where we had eaten the night before and Mum said Il Duce. They looked horrified. I jumped in and said it was il Duca, which had considerably fewer links to fascism...

When I was pregnant with my DD many years ago,I was advised at my monthly ante natal check to keep an eye on my wright gain,because gaining too much could increase my risk of toxaemia,which nowadays is called pre-eclampsia. I said to my (now ex) MIL that I had to watch my weight gain and before I could finish the sentence she said 'Oh because it increases your risk of contracting myxamatosis'. Myxomatosis is a disease which is fatal to rabbits.

My nanna's favourite city in Turkey was "Instant Bull". She also liked to drink a "cup of chino".

My Grandmother on a visit was telling me how the man from Sky had been round to fit a HIV box and it's wonderful.She meant HD box and even when we corrected her she still kept saying that HIV box is wonderful

Also reminded me of my step grandmother who said I have been to boots to get a bottle of Anus Anus perfume (anais anais )

My much loved late MIL could have been Dickens' inspiration for Mrs Malaprop.
She was adamant that she had seen a herring in her garden
We asked he to describe it.
'Well' says she. 'It was a bloody big thing.Great big beak and long legs.Lovely shade of blue,Just like boy maras'jumper'.
Yep 'twas a Herron.God Bless her.We miss her very much.

I once asked a colleague if she had a 'George Formby' grill .

Quite fancy some dolphin nose potatoes now

My MiL is the gift that keeps giving. There is a well known sarcastic answer to a question that many people tend to use when the answer to the original question is obviously yes. Her version was...

"Is the Pope Jewish?"

To which we all looked around bemused before confirming that no, he definitely is not.

Some time later, she intended to use the same phrase again but stopped herself, saying she knew she would get it wrong, then thought through the phrase aloud.

"I know he's not Jewish. It's something to do with woods and trees"

So now every obvious question in PiLs' house is met with "does the Pope shot in the woods?"

We're possibly all going to hell...

"My much loved late MIL could have been Dickens' inspiration for Mrs Malaprop."

Richard Brinsley Sheridan?

diddl
Shit! You're quite right'
How could I forget what DMIL would have called 'The Arrivals'?

My dm calls my walk in wardrobe a glory hole. After much hysterics we looked it up n the dictionary as she insisted her terminology was correct. She was and the dictionary definition is something like ‘an untidy room used for storage’ or something. It still makes me laugh though.

At the time, there were a lot of elderly people - including late MIL - who couldn't get their tongues round 'millennium' and turned it into a variation of a popular floor-covering of their childhoods - 'minoleum' Also 'cotton-easter' for 'cotoneaster'.

I'm back and Sally, your MIL's "Does the Pope shit in the woods" is bloody glorious and one I've adopted from this moment on

I have been giggling at this thread in a way that a woman of my age shouldn't...

DH has just reminded me about when we sat in my parent's garden enjoying a BBQ. They have a lovely garden and I commented on how lovely the roses were. My mother sighed and said 'Yes, but that bush is covered in greenfly. Bloody greenfly love eating my bush' and then couldn't understand why we giggled like schoolchildren.

Also, not a MIL but my friend once called Directory Enquiries for the RAC's number as her car had died.

There was a stunned silence when she asked for the IRA helpline...

My very elderly neighbour. Her grandson was in the army and was fighting in "Afgaviscon"

Afghanistan to you and I...

Someones BIL was angry because he also didn't know to ask for anti inflammatories?

No, because MIL told him to ask for anti FLAMMABLES & he said he felt stupid when the chemist corrected him. (He is a bit of a tool though).

MIL definitely not joking. She genuinely calls them this. She has peripherals instead of profiteroles as well.

My MIL, when describing someone with lots of vigour, says they're 'full of spunk!!' She says it with so much enthusiasm I normally choke on my tea.

A family friend announced at a post funeral gathering "the vicar has a good grope on a Sunday afternoon" the conversation suddenly stopped, teacups en route to lips quivered in mid air, time stood still.

She then continued "we read a book during the week and then meet up to discuss it, it's fun" looking around as if the gathering had all simultaneously developed 3 heads... until someone pointed out quietly that maybe she meant "the vicar has a good group on a Sunday afternoon" to which she said, "yes, that's what I said"

And time restarted. Classic memory.

My brother's MIL:

"I used to love going to Scotland, but not any more: too cold in the winter and too many midgets in the summer."

She's also made the Lebanese/lesbians mistake. My db introduced her to a couple of Lebanese friends at dnephew's birthday party. Later she murmured quietly to me
"I thought they weren't interested in that sort of thing."
"What sort of thing?"
"You know, men and women, together, you know."

She's gorgeous, totally a good sport and laughs her head off when you explain her mistake. She'll also apologise to anyone for unintentionally offending them. But, blow me! She never remembers, and keeps making the same mistakes.

I can remember my gran sending me out one christmas to buy her some of that 'lovely, red pornographic' wrapping paper her sister had bought.

I bought her holographic paper.

My husband did some training work in Mozambique several years ago when they transitioning from floppy disks to CDs. He had to tell them that perhaps they shouldn’t be calling the latter ‘stiffies’.

My mum worked with a lovely guy that wanted a dresser, the Ives with the with cortina doors. When he was in hospital he was put on a serloin drip.

I work with a lady whose DIl is from Poland. Their kids speak fluent Polish & English. She has quite a loud voice and chatting about the grandchildren one day at work she proudly informed most of the canteen that "It's great that both of my grandchildren are growing up bisexual"