MIL and her picnic hamster

[insancerre]

On a visit to MIL for her birthday
She told us SIL has bought BIL a picnic hamster as a present
After several silent moments during which DH and I tried desperately hard to contain ourselves and not look at each other, she finally announced it was in fact, a picnic hamper
DH calmly said " a hamster is a small, furry creature"

It's comedy gold here
Any good MILisms where you are?

English is my 2nd language. Eating sushi with my DH, SIL and BIL. Pickled ginger comes in a pink-ish layer and I announce that I'm not interested on any of that "pink shit". I meant to pink sheet.

My exmil once moaned about the battery in her fire alarm. She was disgusted that the battery had gone dead and she hadn't even had a fire!

I had a lovely clematis but was always very conscious that I may accidentally call it a clitoris. So I thought I’d be clever and use the variety name instead to avoid my blushes. The first time someone admired it I proudly announced “oh yes. I do love my Morning Glory”

DS aged about 4 was fiddling about in his pants, I asked if he was ok and he said "sometimes my willy gets stuck to my tentacles " 😬

Mine uses wanky. It's like wonky but more for things that are broken or cheap.

‘Last time I tried to do it I ended up slipping in your brothers back passage and got covered in crap’
My mother describing her previous attempt of walking the dogs by herself.

@BillywilliamV something like this??

According to MIL, GMIL has wolverine to help with her heart disease

She's been told several times wolverine are small bear-like animals, or a fictional comic-book character, and not blood thinning medication, but she refuses to believe us.

My mum told me she will be wearing a thong on the beach when she goes on holiday as it gives her a bit more confidence in her body at her age. She wanted my opinion so went to try it on....I cannot explain my relief when she returned in a sarong!

Hilarious.

A pillock is an idiot.

Last weekend was out for meal with father & mother in law. Father in law nipped to the loo a lady came over and asked if the empty chair eas free MIL said yes not realising and father in law had to stand up and eat his meal. MIL still not forgiven but made me laugh

My mum told my baby dd to "stop being a little rug muncher" when she was chewing the rug on the floor.

My sister and I had to explain why it was so bloody funny.

Mil saw a poster up for the Pr*digy (symbol instead of the O) and asked "who's P.R. Diggy?"

have you seen your father's cock? Isn't it lovely? has actually got me crying with laughter. Honestly, just so, so funny.

My DD1 used to call dalmations dogmations when she was little. She could also never say dominoes. She always said donimoes. She told me recently (she's 19 now) that she still can't say it. I said 'but what if you need to order pizza?' 'Papa Johns'

My aunt was horrified to hear a song on the radio credited to ‘the little micks’

‘A novelty Irish group I assume? I thought we’d come further than that. It’s not much better than blacking up’

My great gm was very proud of her dildo rail.

One of the biggest selling points of my DPs house was the glory hole, DM NI born and bred didn't bat an eyelid DF from a prim Anglo-Scots background dissolved in kinks to the EA's amazement.

Our car has a towball (farmers) and in a car park a lovely old lady (not ageist just fact) reversed out of the space beside us but somehow in turning drove straight on to it and got completely stuck, asked DH to reverse her car but he didn't want to in case he damaged it but did manage to nudge ours forward up the kerb "ooh that will teach me to avoid men with ball cocks" I thought she was joking but her face didn't change.

Not MIL but next door neighbour was telling us how she had just been down to the Co-op and bought a brand new Gazebra. Without missing a beat my husband inquired "was it a stripey one" ""No, plain green" HOw we kept a straight face I do not knwo but to this day we still call stripey gazebos Gazebras!

Loyaultemelie I've always called the cupboard under the stairs a glory hole until we were moving house and the removals men came to start packing up. I took him down to the cabin in the bottom of the garden and he exclaimed that there was a lot more packing than he was expecting and it was going to take him longer to do. To which my response was "And I haven't even shown you my Glory hole yet!"
Well you can imagine the look on his face!!

Before emailing was wide spread I used to live by Lake Wanaka in New Zealand. The first letter received from my MIL was addressed to me in Lake Wanker, South Island, New Zealand!
The postie had a good chuckle.

@restingbitchface Imagine if you had lived in Whakapapa or Whatipu
lol

A very very straight laced and easily shocked acquaintance surprised me one day by telling me she’d been a twat. I had to tell her as tactfully as I could that this was not, as she thought, a variation of twit.

Jolinda my MIL calls a gazebo a ga-she-ba with particular emphasis on the 'she'.
I can't even...

My late dm (bless her soul) was on the phone trying to book a tv engineer to come out as the meter was full and she couldn’t get anymore coins in.
“I keep jiggling it about to no avail” she said, exasperatedly. “It’s enough to drive you starkers!!!” She couldn’t think why we snickering.

My nana painted her living room with some durex paint 😆

My MIL, who is lovely but not particularly worldly-wise, asked for hash brownies with her cooked breakfast.

I'm laughing at so many of these. Fantastic thread.