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Original poster

Apparently, I'm Dead.

999 replies

BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 08:21

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently Hmm

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun Blush)

OP posts:
Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 09:10

DH keeps bringing me cups of tea very quietly and then bemoaning dramatically 'she always loved a cup of tea!' before wailing loudly and leaving the room...

Git.

OP posts:
juneau · 13/02/2018 09:11

Thanks OP. This is the funniest thread I've read in a while.

RIP, you'll be mist had me spluttering my tea all over my keyboard Grin

justcheese · 13/02/2018 09:11

I worked with someone who made up that her mum had died. She had time off and we did a collection, sent flowers etc.

When the mum found out, her response was 'but I couldn't have died that weekend, I was at Centre Parcs'

Colleague resigned, presumably before she was dismissed.

MiddlingMum · 13/02/2018 09:11

My DM once read in the paper that someone she knew had died. Rushed out to get a condolence card and duly sent it off to his wife with a heartfelt message. Received a puzzled phone call from the deceased. They then discovered that someone with the same name had died in the same city.

Check your facts everyone. Especially if the name is common, the person my DM thought had died had a John Smith type name.

OP have a lovely wake Smile

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 13/02/2018 09:12

Clearly you have unfinished business here big as you've not fully left the mortal realm yet. I hope you can clear it quickly and become mist Grin.

BTW I attended a funeral recently and the officiant (no clue if that's the proper term for non religious funeral person!) kept saying things like:
you will all grieve but x will not be sad because HE'S DEAD
its painful for you but not for x because HE'S DEAD
It was the only funeral I've been too where more people were crying with laughter than sadness. In fairness X would have loved it.

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 13/02/2018 09:13

'I don't know, I didn't like to ask'

I LOL’d at that so much!

emmyrose2000 · 13/02/2018 09:13

This gives new meaning to the term zombie thread....

RandomDreams · 13/02/2018 09:13

OP, is there life after death?

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 09:14

The woman I went to school with who has the same name as me has just posted to moan about traffic so I think we can assume she's still alive.

Disappointing.

(kidding)

OP posts:
ImListening · 13/02/2018 09:14

I always think it would be good to know what people say about once you’ve died. I’d have stayed quiet a lot longer....

RedCarsGoFaster · 13/02/2018 09:14

Who is M1 to you? They started this!

soupforbrains · 13/02/2018 09:15

I am CRYING at the terrible loss of life with laughter at this thread.

Wow, what a piece of news to wake up to. I do wonder how you died and who first thought 'it' was you. I am of course assuming that there was somebody who did in fact pass away and it is a case of mistaken identity rather than just a very wild stab in the dark type rumour.

hmmm.... perhaps that is how you died? a wild stab in the dark?

Littlemissdaredevil · 13/02/2018 09:15

Are they still posting on FB? I’m waiting for your doorbell to ring with a flower delivery

Anasnake · 13/02/2018 09:15

Maybe you're the new Messiah op, resurrected from the dead ???

FizzyCherry · 13/02/2018 09:15

Oo-er. Someone with the same name as my dad died in a major national disaster a few years ago, I had a couple of people asking if it was him, even though the person was only about ten years older than me, was pictured in all the papers and had a job that my dad had never had, plus lived at the other end of the country. That was horrible, actually.
Also, a friend of mine had a letter addressed to her, from the bank, sending condolences that she had died, and they would be closing her account within 28 days.
She then had to prove she wasn’t dead, which was difficult, because they wouldn’t accept that just because she was standing there, in the bank, with her birth certificate and passport, it didn’t mean she was her.
It was all very complicated, she never got to the bottom of it, but suspects it was her nightmare ex causing havoc.

Could it be either of those scenarios?

ratspeaker · 13/02/2018 09:15

At last a true zombie thread

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 13/02/2018 09:16

mist! Grin

52FestiveRoad · 13/02/2018 09:16

Please tell me you did that Mark Twain thing and posted
'the reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated'

Or you could do a Tom Sawyer and turn up in the middle of your funeral service!

DerelictWreck · 13/02/2018 09:16

I can't get 'passed' "You'll be mist" Grin Grin Grin

Original poster
BigFatFanny · 13/02/2018 09:16

anasnake I'm not the messiah im a very naughty boy

OP posts:
LegallyBronde · 13/02/2018 09:16

This happened to someone at work. Woke up to loads of messages of condolences on his Facebook and outpouring of random school day memories from FB friends who he hadnt seen in years. Sadly, a man with the same name had passed away, he was in the school year above my colleague and apparently they couldn't look any more different if they tried! He also joked about calling in dead. The random grief messages went on for a good few weeks despite his alive status!

reallyanotherone · 13/02/2018 09:17

Have you considered vampirism yet?

Do you have strange marks on your neck? A growing craving for blood?

If a small blonde girl and her ginger mate start chasing you, run!!

CountFosco · 13/02/2018 09:17

I read a book last summer that had this as the plot line....

Was it 'Goodbye to All That' by Robert Graves??? OP, have you spent the last few months fighting the Hun?

Alwaysreadyforablether · 13/02/2018 09:17

So this really is a zombie thread then? Grin

Nocabbageinmyeye · 13/02/2018 09:18

I have never been so entertained by someone's death, hilarious 😂