Apparently, I'm Dead.

[BigFatFanny]

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun )

RIP xx

I only passed u in the street once, ten years ago, but u were such an amazing person xxxxx can't believe ur gone

Have you looked in a mirror op just to be sure? Are you due to work today?

It's a horrible morning and I work outdoors. Perhaps I should decide to be dead today?

OMG I'm so sorry,

She is sorry you aren't dead?

Death so far is fairly mundane, I had peanut butter and banana on toast for the first time this morning (nothing like death to inspire you to broaden your horizons)... It was fine.

I feel like narrating my every action out loud today as if no one can see/ here me like:

'she got on the tram amongst the living, but no one felt her presence.. because SHE DIED'

'she tried to buy chocolate and condoms in Sainsbury's out of habit, not realising that she could enjoy neither because SHE'S DEAD'

DH reckons it's not every day that you die, and I should absolutely do this. I'm suspicious that it is in fact DH who's plotting to kill me and is strengthening his mitigating circumstances by making me sound insane.

Please tell me you did that Mark Twain thing and posted
'the reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated'

:o at the "sorry you're still alive" message from one of the mourners.

So curious to how you died🤣

Didactylos, naturally, that's EXACTLY what I posted

Interesting that posting on MN still works even when you're dead. I wonder what the dead:alive ratio is on most threads?

So, are you saying that mN is heaven? Or, ya know, t'other place?

You should have messaged them back a cheery Thank you, it's lovely up here.

Just for the shock factor.

I'm also curious to find out how I died, I hope it's spectacular.

I asked M10 (the mourner who messaged me back) how she thought I'd died and her reply was:

'I don't know, I didn't like to ask'

I'm dead too!! Funny though I'm sitting here and feel great!! A close family member apparently wanted me out of her life and her DH suggested it would be a good idea to tell people I had died, when they moved to a new area.

Of course, I didn't know anything about being dead (it was quite some years later that I was told) but wishing/hoping to re-connect with her I, quite innocently, put a Happy Birthday notice in a major city newspaper (pre-internet) in the hope she might read it and get in touch. Just proves you shouldn't go around telling porkies, as the truth always comes back to bite you on the backside.

Maybe someday you might, like me, discover why you are dead to the OP and why they chose to spread the rumour. Of course, as others have said, it could have been an accident (same/similar name etc).

Hope you feel OK and over the initial shock.

So fucking disrespectful of @Ratonastick moaning about her turkey neck when Fanny has died overnight....it's at times like this I find Mumsnet do hard!!!!
Sleep well dear Fanny....fly high and high five the angels !!!!

How much chocolate does one consume when dead🤔

At work we get a list of deaths from (I think) the DWP. The only problem was that one of the "deceased" was still at his desk working. We never did find out why they thought that he was dead.

noknown RIP hun, you'll be mist.

(genuine post from my feed this morning, I'll be mist? I suppose that's true in a sort of physilogically complex, long winded way...)

Do you have any tinsel left over? Make yourself a pretty halo and post pics on Facebook.

Or get one of those apps with the filters and make your photos look all heavenly.

Get the & down you , eat drink and be merry for tomorrow today we DIE .......
Glad you are still alive OP , enjoy yourself my dear !

Hope you are being spoken highly of now you are dead

Ha, I came here to say you should change your name to Mark Twain! (Or Samuel Langhorn Clemens if you want to be really wanky and clever*)

• I would be more wanky/clever if I hadn't learned this from one of my niece's young adult pre chick lit books...

Have people started laying flowers outside your gate?

But wrgo was mourner 1