Apparently, I'm Dead.

[BigFatFanny]

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun )

I'm really intrigued to hear how you died OP. It's not every day you die after all! Congratulations on surviving the reaper rumours today!

Sorry for your loss. (This is the only time I've thought that particular Americanism appropriate).

RIP hun, you'll be mist 😂

Fly hi with the angles hun. Diana will look after u. U are mist alreddy.

The plot thickens!

A wild comment has appeared under my 'alive' status tagging in an unknown name. The name is followed by a single, ominous:

"?"

The person who's tagged this new person is M4 so an early player, are we to assume that the tagged in stranger is her source of information? I have messaged M4 again because she's clearly online but no response yet.

Well if ever there were an excuse for a party 🎉

Book a hall and a dj, arrange some form of buffet and have your own wake.

M4 has deleted her original mourning comment!

I'm weirdly offended.

Maybe the stranger is a psychic medium type and they think you are communicating from beyond via facebook of course.

Someone actually wrote, you’ll be mist?!

I feel like I shouldn’t be finding this as funny as I am

My professional body killed me off. I had a long career break after my children were born and decided I didn't want to go back into that field, so asked them to cancel my membership so I didn't have to pay the exorbitant annual fee once I wasn't eligible any more for the career break discounted rate. They were astounded and asked several times if I was sure. Eventually it was all processed and then a letter arrived from the benevolent association for the profession addressed to The Spouse and Dependants of Mrs G. TheW0nderD0g (Deceased). The letter inside offered them the sympathies of the profession and asked if they needed any help at this difficult time. Fortunately we are a fairly robust family and my husband, my two pre-teen children and I all thought this was hilarious.

Anybody else thinking of Granny Weatherwax? Useful sign idea here for the OP.

I would assume mourner 1 is the source of this. The others are like M5, they saw the post and followed suit, not questioning how you died. I definitely think you need a day off to cope with the stress of dying!

Giggling at “can you call in dead to work...”
Hope you find the source and cause of your demise BigFatFanny

Are you barry chuckle?! 😂

If you haven't deleted the rip posts they will still be reaching people's news feeds.

Deleted her comment but not apologise or explained? Rude!
post on her Facebook as you can see I'm still alive thank you for posting that mourning comment I'm a little concerned that you've deleted it without bothering to answer any of my messages I thought you were going to miss me?

This is so fascinating.

A few years ago one of my old school classmates rushed up to my Mum in a local shop to offer his condolences and say he hoped I made some kind of recovery (although obviously I'd be massively affected forever blah blah). Once Mum had stopped gaping at him she asked, naturally, what the hell he was on about and was told her only child was not, in fact, off on a jolly in Manchester but instead lying in hospital with a brain tumour.

After a LOT of digging and unravelling it turned out one particularly ditzy girl who 'd been a couple of years ahead of me at school had made up the rumour. She claimed she'd got me confused with someone else but she was so evasive about the whole thing I think she didn't realise I still lived and had family and friends in the area and made it up for drama/gossip.

Hope you find your assassin soon

I read a book last summer that had this as the plot line....

You’ll be mist hilarious OP.

Sounds like most jumped on the death bandwagon. Now that sounds like a heavy metal band’s tour bus!

RIP hun, you'll be mist.

Suppose you will if you're cremated.

So who was M1? And do they hate you?

I think you can eat and drink and in fact DO whatever you like when you’re dead :)

(Keep an eye out for your dh by the way, he’s clearly trying to bump you off)

Shamelessly commenting for updates.

Though my condolences to your DH, too. Obvs.

This is hilarious.

M4 likes you enough to post a sad message on your Facebook when you die...

...but not enough to answer messages from you when you’re alive!