Apparently, I'm Dead.

[BigFatFanny]

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun )

The important thing is whether you had your funeral song picked out before you passed, and if so, what’s it going to be?

DH keeps bringing me cups of tea very quietly and then bemoaning dramatically 'she always loved a cup of tea!' before wailing loudly and leaving the room...

I like your husband

Sorry, the old BigFatFanny can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Cause SHE’S DEAD.

I sort of know how you feel. According to my father's death certificate I was never born.

I blame my stepmother

I'm shamelessly placemarking incase you find out how the rumours started!

Plus, your follow up comments are amusing

RIP Opx

Bindibot me too

I can’t wait to see who wants you dead.
I loved Cluedo. 🍿

I nearly did this (as a mourner) once - my friend R posted one of those "[disease] is so cruel, first it took XX and now Sarah L." posts. Sarah L. is a mutual friend of mine and R, so naturally I assumed that the Sarah L I knew had died. My fingers hovered over the keyboard to type in a twee message before I wussed out / recovered a grip and remembered I hadn't seen Sarah L. since university and I went to make a cup of tea instead.

A few months later I got a message from Sarah L. asking to connect on LinkedIn and that is when I discovered that R. knows two identically-named Sarah Ls, and it was the one I didn't know who had died.

Fly wiv the angles hun xxx

(Not marking place at all).

How does it feel to be dead? Having spent two hours on a train and now a bus I’m not wholly convinced I’m not dead myself and on a journey to The Bad Place (aka Leeds )

The book: After I've Gone, by Linda Green.

I love this thread! Was reading another one about being in touch with own mortality last night so this thread was kind of surreal this morning, especially as I was pondering death overnight (not literally).

Why does this anecdote remind me of Waking Ned?

My almost-died story is that once, a neighbour told me should couldn't make a drinks party because "her father" (a famous academic) had died. I immediately said sorry for her loss and started some speech about his wonderful contributions to the world, and would an obituary appear in the press, when I realised she had mumbled "in law" and was already telling me about the funeral arrangements up in Scotland.

Do you have an attention seeking younger sibling? That’s how my older sister “died”.

Sorry to hear you’re dead OP.

So the person M4 tagged isn’t one of the 12 mourners, right? How many people not on FB who who haven’t posted might also think you are dead?

Might as well fill up on pancakes then, ghost calories likely to be minimal.

at zombiethread

That's brilliant. Thanks for the giggle! Sorry to hear you died.. 😂

No vampire bite marks, but an excellent thought.

You know how relationships become 'facebook official' and that's a genuine relationship step now?

Well can my transition to becoming patient zero in the zombie apocalypse now be 'facebook official?' I quite like the idea of starting an epidemic.. next time DH brings me tea I might have a quick nibble and get the ball rolling...

This has spurred me on to go fetch my phone charger from upstairs.

You can get the Granny Weatherwax signs as a necklace, might be an idea to wear one for the next few days

Best thread I’ve read for ages - one for Classics?
Condolences on your passing OP. You’re taking it very well

www.discworldemporium.com/13-jewellery

Have you FB stalked the stranger who got tagged?

Just don't message: "it's a bit hot here, you know."

This is so funny, really cheered up my morning (sorry OP!) Maybe it will give you a new love for life now you've been reborn.