Apparently, I'm Dead.

[BigFatFanny]

I woke up this morning and casually checked my facebook feed, to find 12 messages from people I haven't seen in years telling me to rest in peace and letting me know how missed I'll be.

At 5:30 in the morning as I rose bleary eyed, the thought did cross my mind that i had in fact died and if I had, did that mean I could go back to bed?

Alas, after a swift pinch test, it appears I"m very much alive.

Of course I've posted a status confirming I'm very much alive and called my family to confirm I'm fine, and I've sent a few messages to the people who posted on my feed to ask why on earth they thought I died? So far, no replies but the day is still young.

This is what I've got so far:

As far as I can tell with the exception of 3, I went to school with the majority of the mourners and haven't spoken to them in years. The working theories are:

Me: There's been some form of school reunion and someone has spread the rumour that I've died without realising half the people there have me on Facebook. Motive remains unexplained.

DH: Someone is plotting to kill me and is testing the waters to see how many people would miss me...

DF: It's the government. No further explanation required, apparently

DM: Bad taste practical joke

DSis: Aliens.

I'm hoping to get replies from the people I've messaged ASAP and trace the source of my untimely demise, but not having spoken to most of them in years I'm not sure how responsive they'll be.

The suspense is killing me! (excuse the pun )

The bastard foot comment is one of many many foot related outcries. Others include:

The time I insulted my sister DP and she retorted ‘at least my DP came pre-assembled’

After work be of DH’s hospital stays years ago the discharge nurse noted I that I was ‘a barrier to his acceptance of his disability’ because we make too many foot jokes and she felt we were deflecting from it... DH was 23 at the time and lost his foot as a toddler.. she knew this and yet still felt he needed time to process his loss DH sat absolutely straight faced and said ‘you know nurse, sometimes I wake up in the morning and measure my stump to see if it’s growing back but I think there’s something wrong because so far it’s not happening’

I very nearly murdered him.

What a story! Your dh is amazing- Chinese and caterpillar cake is a perfect end to your day if not your life

Bwahahahaha 😂

I just can’t add anything nearly as cool as your posts and some of the responses OP. This thread has absolutely made my day though.

And...

Can I be your best friend pretty please?!

I have been ill in bed all day and the only thing that has made me smile is this thread!

Glad you’re not dead Fanny. Enjoy your cake!

I got home an hour ago, and Dp has just got home now. He keeps trying to talk to me but I'm snorting mess reading this. Keep telling him to 'shhh'. He also asked me what a 'fwake' was after I randomly shouted 'I want a Fucking fwake!' 😂 On a serious note OP, you have both handled it hilariously well. Please get your DP to play a set in your memory it's the least he can do after the imaginary dalience he had aged 13

Didn't he even bring funeral flowers? Tsk

DH has asked me to tell you all you’re all ‘class’ and judging by the super creepy laughs that keep escaping him, he’s finding you lot as funny as you’ve found him

Your DH has the same sense of humour as my DS 27, who was born with a life-limiting illness, although I feel that his nurses know him a little better!

not surprised M0 wants your DH, he's brilliant!

I'm also dying at at least my DP came pre-assembled. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Hilarious thread.

Is the fwake still on, OP?

Having joined this thread 34 pages later I am struggling to work out, why, if someone died you would post on their fb page!!
I also struggle to understand why people post birthday wishes to their wives or husbands.
I personally just roll over in the morning when I wake up & give him a birthday morning kiss.
Do these people not talk to each other!@!
Anyway..........
Are you finding death as exciting as life?

MNHQ were going to put this in Classics 'in a moment' and that was 40 minutes ago.

brill thread op and dh!

you both sound great

id watch out for your mutual friend though she knows m0 lies but still hangs about with her and doesnt seem to think shes mad by telling everyone someone is dead

just watch what you say is all

My mother sent a condolence card to 'Albert', a couple of days later he phoned her and said I'm sorry to disappoint you, she hadn't waited for the surname to be said, it was someone else completely. Hope you're milking it OP xx

@MNHQ

So, for the film, which actor would do viking DH?

www.google.co.uk/search?q=actors+with+beard&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwizsM7w1KPZAhUCXBQKHccaDHMQsAQIKA&biw=1231&bih=674&dpr=0.9

Kit the Harington?
Jake Gyllenhaal?
Ryan Reynolds? /Bradley Cooper?
Chris Hemsworth?

More bad boy Jason Momoa?

Or more of a Bjorn Ironside giant?

You and your DH both sound absolutely lovely, and I'm taking tips from you on how to stay calm in freaky situations. You sound so level-headed and chilled out.

If someone had faked my death and then started sending me horrible messages I would be in a heap on the floor.

You are a LEGEND.

Alfred Nobel, who invented dynamite, read his own obituary when his brother died and a newspaper fouled up. It described him as an enemy of the human race. And that is why he left the money to fund the Nobel prizes. So there you go OP - go and see a solicitor tomorrow and make a will leaving everything to charity!

This thread is hilarious! Thanks for cheering up a dreary Tuesday.

Brilliant......

For the film, it has to be Kristofer Hivju

Amazing post.

my 3 year old just got out of bed and came downstairs asking "What's so funny, Mummy?"

Re the actor to play Viking DH, I'm assuming they wouldn't be required to chop a foot off?