What are your best Total Brain Farts?

[QuimReaper]

DH has just come home from a weekend away horribly sunburnt and I was looking everywhere for the aftersun which I distinctly remember buying last summer. I was a bit distracted rushing around trying to find it, and then at down at my computer and opened a browser window, and after a moment it dawned on me I'd been about to Google it. Yes, I was about to Google where in my own house I'd hidden with the bottle of aftersun

In the same vein, a few weeks ago I was at my desk rootling through my handbag when I realised I'd forgotten what I was looking for. It wasn't until I went back to my screen that I realised I'd been looking in my handbag for a file I wanted to attach to an email

Technology seems to absolutely flummox me when I'm a bit distracted! I'm forever getting out my Oyster card to try and get through my front door or my house keys to try and use the card entry turnstile at the library Please tell me it isn't just me who does these daft things?!

"Great BABY Jesus" ffs

it feels like I'm walking around constantly holding a bellend". There was a rather awkward silence after that one I can tell you.

Howling!!

I once was a member of a weight loss forum.

I replied to a woman who was asking for advice on how to lose the last 7 pounds of weight as she had reached a plateau.

I wrote out a detailed reply to her, giving her advice and tips and gave her a sample weekly food plan that I had been following.

When I returned to the forum to see if she had replied to me or thanked me for my help, there was no word from her. I was a bit miffed as I had gone to a lot of trouble to write my response.

It was only when I looked at her post closely, I realised it was ME who had written the original post asking for advice from a year ago!!

I once asked a friend to pass me the circular spatula as I was cooking. There was a long pause as he looked around then said "do you mean the spoon?"

And when I was at school, I handed in a project on earthquakes. I proudly asked my teacher if he liked the picture on the front. He went and said "that's a volcano".
"Yes, I know!"
"... The project is on earthquakes?"
"Yup!"

He looked baffled and took it off me. Seriously, it was WEEKS before the penny dropped for me! I was 14!

I once forgot the word 'bread' while DH was writing the shopping list and waffled on about "...we need... you know ...sandwich making equipment!"

It was 2005. It still goes down as SME on our shopping list.

DH in a fug of having a newborn, took the toaster into the bathroom to have a shower.

walking around constantly holding a bellend

that has set me off again RedDahlia

God, the bellend one has absolutely done me in.

"it feels like I'm walking around constantly holding a bellend

ROOOOOOAR!

Floor cardigan :o

When I was pregnant with dts, I spent a full 30 mins looking for my gloves that were on my hands already.

About two weeks ago I was sat on the phone inline to speak to a doctor as I was gravely concerned that my wee was green, it wasn't until he asked me how long it had been going and if was only certain times of the day, when it registered in my brain that it only happend at work as they have just started using blue cleaning fluid, what does blue and mixed together make? Yep green, I apologised for wasting his time he couldn't stop laughing.

Andie somewhere on MN there is a FANTASTIC example of a woman doing the exact same thing with regards to some question about a pushchair, it made me howl! It was so bizarre I almost want to think it was just a really long slow joke that she did deliberately, but I don't think anyone has the patience

I've had to stop reading as I'm crying with laughter in the lunch room at work! People must think I'm having a breakdown!

Anyway, I frequently put kisses on the end of work emails. Mortifying.

Omg this thread has been making me laugh out loud all day, actually crying on the train right now 😂 a wee wee, a woo woo 😂😂

Back in the days when mobile phones were more brick-like, I was rummaging around in my handbag for my mobile. I'd managed to not only pack the house phone (oh yes), but also the remote control for the TV (which to be fair looked really similar) as well as my mobile. I'd wondered why my bag felt so heavy

Excellent thread.

These had me hyperventilating with laughter.

Ones I can remember (because they're embarrassingly recent are)

1. Freaked out because I couldn't find the baby (still 7months pregnant, so baby was safely tucked inside me)
2. Got lost on my way home. From a job I'd worked at for 10 years, to a house I'd bought 4 years prior.
3. Sent an email to a random selection of clients with some highly confidential business information, then having to explain to board of directors that my 'mind had just gone blank'. Their faces are forever etched on my mind.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_advice_tips/752184-hauck-stroller-pound-25-Asda?msgid=63930120

This isn't the thread where the op replied to herself several years later.

that should say this is* the thread where the op replied to herself several years later.

On a flight back home, filling in the wee form that asks for your experiences and enters you into some competition or other, fiancé put the council's phone number instead of our number. The council's number doesn't even begin the same as ours. Once I hunted for hours for my cofffee spoon/tamper thingy, checked the bin and everything. Only found it when I finally admitted defeat and decided to measure out an espresso with an ordinary spoon. It was in the espresso jar in the fridge.

Read this thread earlier and remembered plenty of possible submissions for it but can't recall them now so will add more when I remember.

When I was about 14 I couldn't remember the word 'crown'. After lots of umming, ahhing and wild gesturing 'king hat' was the best I could come up with. My mum still finds it funny now. I'm 32!

I have thought about pausing and rewinding the radio.

I have also said 'undo, undo' while not using a computer.

I had laser eye surgery about five years ago. About every six months or so I'll be driving along and suddenly think, "Shit! Where are my glasses?! I can't see a thing without them!"

Before remembering that I now have 20:20 vision through my actual eyes. The eyes I am seeing with.

My mum couldn't remember the words she was looking for to describe the pasta shapes that are like spaghetti but fatter, and have a hole down the middle (that one can blow through, if one is that way inclined).
She hand-wavingly described them (to me and my brother, both young adults) as "blow... jobs"

A couple of years ago DH and I adopted some cats. The first day they were left alone when I was out at work (I very rarely worked full days back then) I was worried about how they were coping. So I picked up my desk phone to call them and check how their day was going. Of course I remembered at this point that we hadn't had the cats long, so obviously I hadn't had a chance to memorise their phone number yet. So I got my iPhone out to look up that cats number. It was only when I went to start dialling that the penny dropped.

Forgetting the phonetic alphabet when I was giving my car reg.

"V for...umm...vendetta?"

Just remembered another... not mine this time but my teacher's. I was playing the part of Audrey 2, the man eating plant, in LIttle Shop of Horrors. While sorting out the costumes, the teacher decided that we needed more tentacles. Except she actually said we needed more testicles. In front of a bunch of teenaged children!