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Original poster

What are your best Total Brain Farts?

269 replies

QuimReaper · 02/07/2017 14:58

DH has just come home from a weekend away horribly sunburnt and I was looking everywhere for the aftersun which I distinctly remember buying last summer. I was a bit distracted rushing around trying to find it, and then at down at my computer and opened a browser window, and after a moment it dawned on me I'd been about to Google it. Yes, I was about to Google where in my own house I'd hidden with the bottle of aftersun Blush

In the same vein, a few weeks ago I was at my desk rootling through my handbag when I realised I'd forgotten what I was looking for. It wasn't until I went back to my screen that I realised I'd been looking in my handbag for a file I wanted to attach to an email Confused Blush

Technology seems to absolutely flummox me when I'm a bit distracted! I'm forever getting out my Oyster card to try and get through my front door or my house keys to try and use the card entry turnstile at the library Grin Please tell me it isn't just me who does these daft things?!

OP posts:
MagentaRocks · 04/07/2017 20:35

Not me - my mum.

My mum - Marie
Her boss - Martha

If people rang and said is that Martha she would always reply with 'no it's Marie.'

She did this quite a lot.

One day someone rang up and said is that Marie?

My mums reply 'no it's martha'.

No idea why she forgot who she was.

*not real names

Chinnychinnychinnychib · 04/07/2017 21:22

Popping toddler DD in the bath with her socks still on - we looked at each other like 'that's not right' and then it clicked. Done it more than once though.

itssquidstella · 04/07/2017 21:53

I was in Paris, trying to buy a DVD at HMV. Came to put my pin in and had a total mind blank. I had to walk all the way back to my apartment, get cash, and walk back (about a 30 minute round trip). It was like my muscle memory just seized up!

Bubblysqueak · 04/07/2017 22:27

I woke up in the middle of the night and panicked that I had a random bloke in bed with me. I then realised that I had no clothes on. I spent the next 15min lying so still in bed trying not to wake the stranger up, whilst frantically trying to figure out 1) what I was going to tell dh when he got in from work 2) who the hell this man waa.
It wasn't until morning when I had properly woken up that I realised it was dh in bed next to me all along!

BluebellsareBlue · 04/07/2017 22:43

This thread is reminding me of

" Hi, I'm Angela Hernandez "

And the tears that streamed down my face on that thread. I think it's in classics now Grin

noosmummy12 · 05/07/2017 10:06

Crying!

Wobblebeans · 05/07/2017 13:31

This morning on the way to school we were talking about DD2 s litergy tomorrow (catholic school).
She was telling me that one of her friends had to carry the world in. Cue me and DD1 looking at each other like Confused, until DD1 pipes up with, "do you mean a world ball?".
Took us a good few minutes to figure out that she meant a globe. Blush

lemonzest123 · 05/07/2017 13:35

I was shopping with my friend and commented how cool the music was that was playing in every store we went into - like it was weird how every shop seemed to be playing my favourite tunes. in fact I was amazed in one shop because they played a really obscure but awesome song.

Friend then pointed out my Spotify was playing in me bag on my tablet.

VinIsGroot · 05/07/2017 14:05

DS 4 and new DS.... DS4 runs past me and I catch him and try really really fucking hard to put a hat for a 5lb baby on DS4's head!! I was sooooo annoyed that it wouldn't go on!!!
Was talking to someone so very distracted!!!

GoodForgetter · 05/07/2017 14:35

In the newborn haze with DD1 we had to take the dog to the vet for her jabs. We were ready in record time, no last minute nappies or vomit cleans, nothing.
We congratulated ourselves in being so brilliant - clearly getting on fine with this parenting malarkey.
We were half way down the drive before we realised we hadn't actually brought the dog.

CrohnicallyPregnant · 05/07/2017 17:04

That reminds me of the time I went to band practice without my instrument or music. And I didn't even have any kids back then...

Original poster
QuimReaper · 05/07/2017 19:11

Chronic I've gone to the swimming pool without my swimming kit before. It wasn't even like I had it packed and left it behind though, which is sort of understandable, I was just walking along with some time to kill and thought "ooh, there's the pool, wouldn't it be virtuous of me to go for an impromptu swim?' so I marched in incandescent with good intentions. I got all the way to the changing room before it dawned on me that that wasn't going to work... Blush

What was I planning to do, swim in my pants?!

I had to go out and ask for my money back from Reception too which didn't help Blush

OP posts:
NinaMarieP · 05/07/2017 22:48

My best/worst was probably answering the phone at a shop I worked in. It was Adam's Kids.

"Hello, Nina's Dundee, Adam speaking how can I help?"

There was a moment of silence at the other end but I just pretended I hadn't said anything so stupid and waited for them to speak.

GertyTheGert · 05/07/2017 23:13

Me (female!) making a very quick phone call to my brother at work and saying to the switchboard gal, Hello this is my brother, can I speak to her sister Ray please.........

2nd example - I can NEVER remember the word Provisional so, say, I want to remember the the word to ask for example, can I make a provisional appt for blah please, I FIRSTLY have to say to myself Provisonal Driving Licence, Provisional Driving Licence, Provisional Driving Licence. If I don't, recite that, I find myself saying can I make an appt, you know, an appt I can confirm later on when I ring you again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GertyTheGert · 05/07/2017 23:22

Magenta, Quim and Nina - I LUV yr stories - I felt a bit under the weather before I saw these threads and now I feel rather fab having laughed OUT LOUD!!!!! This the best!!!!!!!!!

daisygirlmac · 05/07/2017 23:34

A wee wee a woo woo Grin I'm crying, I'm laughing so much at these but really quietly so as not to wake the baby but I told DH some and now we're both silently shaking with laughter in bed in the dark Grin

TaggySits · 05/07/2017 23:38

Dropped the kids at school, rushed back to car and got in quickly out of the rain. Put my hands forward to grab the steering wheel which is when I suddenly realised I'd got in the back seat.

Growuphelen · 05/07/2017 23:50

Completed travel insurance form and passed it back to post office clerk who studied it and asked "how old are you ?"
"55"
"You're not 56?"
"No"
"You've put your date of birth as ##/##/##"
"Yes that's right"
"That means you're 56. You'll be 57 in November"
"Will I ? Good grief"

MarklahMarklah · 06/07/2017 00:08

Got into the shower with my glasses on.
Forgetting I haven't got my glasses on (in the shower) and trying to push them up on the bridge of my nose.
Putting my glasses down and losing them and panicking, before realising I have put them back on because I can see!

Last week I was going to the local shops. It was a nice warm day and I had a few bits to get so thought I'd take my little shopping trolley to make it easier. Took a while to find the trolley in the garage, but eventually I unearthed it, grabbed my keys and walked down the road. I was 3/4 of the way there when I thought of something else I might need, and remembered I had one of those fold-up shopping bags in my handbag. And then realised that my handbag was at home. With my phone and my purse and my extra shopping bags in it.

blue2014 · 06/07/2017 00:12

To all onlookers I was just a lady curled around her pram (to stop people stealing my baby) in the middle of a field. How no one called the police on me is beyond me!

I've had to stop reading as I'm howling next to a sleeping baby Grin

momo142 · 06/07/2017 00:23

Mine's not as good as many on this thread, but...

A while ago we going to drive into London and I checked the oil level before we left.

When we'd travelled a reasonable way on the motorway, had got into London and paused at traffic lights, smoke started to come out of the air vents, which was a bit concerning. At the next lights smoke starts billowing out of the bonnet. We panic and pull the car off the road and evacuate the children from the back. We open the bonnet to discover: I had forgotten to put the oil cap back on! When the engine got hotter while we were stopped oil had started to splash all over the engine.

What was remarkable was that I had left the cap balanced on the engine and it had slid down and got caught at a certain point, so it was still there. If it had taken any other trajectory off the engine it would have fallen to the ground and we'd have lost it.

We cleaned the engine as best we could and carried on. I spent the rest of the journey saying 'I'm such an idiot!' at regular intervals!

The car smelt of smoke for about a month until it all finally burned off!

PhDPepper · 06/07/2017 01:25

This is totally outing but I really don't care!

I was on holiday with an ex boyfriend and my mum (she was a saint), and the weather had been a bit pants for a few days but I was desperate to go snorkelling- however the bad weather meant zero visibility. Anyway!

Day 4 and it's a gorgeous sunny day and I excitedly shout out 'yay we can go snorkelling'!! 😃 only my brain said 'yay we can go nergelling like what is that?? It even made it into my mums speech at my wedding last year!

RedDahlia · 06/07/2017 01:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shitalopram · 06/07/2017 03:46

Quite recently I took 2 teabags out of my tea caddy, popped them in the teapot, carefully balanced the tea caddy lid on top of the teapot and then poured the kettle of boiling water into the tea caddy. It wasn't until the caddy was about to spill over with "turbo tea" that I realised what I was doing.

Think I really needed a cuppa that day..!

Shitalopram · 06/07/2017 03:57

Also remember starting out as a freelancer and a client I had been trying to woo for more regular work got in touch to ask about it via text. Too outing to say what the work was but in the area of theology.

I can't remember what I was actually trying to text her, but what I actually DID text back is etched in my mind forever...

"Great Bab Jesus!"

Just that.
Blush