If MN had its own TV channel...

[FairNotFair]

What the world needs is more MN, delivered to a wider audience. I have therefore whilst stuck in a traffic jam put together the basis of an idea for MNTV. Here are the totally original programmes I've come up with so far:

Cuntdown – fun wordgame in which contestants try and create profanities from a random selection of letters
Meal or No Meal – cookery programme focusing on the versatility and endless possibilities presented by the MN Chicken
Dynasty 2017 – updated drama with Justine as Alexis and Olivia as Krystle. Or vice versa. It doesn’t really matter.
Call the Midwife – fly-on-the-wall documentary/gameshow in which random women POAS and viewers phone a premium-rate number to vote on whether they can see a faint line…
Who Do You Think You Are? – televised outrage followed by flouncing
Are You Being Served? - harrowing real-life tales of funny looks from hapless retail assistants who are subsequently reported to management

I think there is definitely a market for such delights . Any more suggestions before I pitch it to MNHQ?

Perv hour with Mr Bloom and that weather presenter from BBC gyrating.

This is the funniest thread I've ever read!

Sporners Hour. Earwax removal and live pimple popping.

The Anyfucker phone in helpline

Where lost and lonely confused souls can phone in for a multitude of helpful hints and tips

Such as

LTB, he's got more red flags than a communist convention
Are you on glue
Tell him to fottfsoftfosm followed by 😒
Tell him to not let the door bang his arse on the way out
Your worth more than this

Come Whine with Me - with a special section for FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

And "I'm Angela Hernandez!" - in which a panel of specially selected MNetters take it in turns to prove that they are, in fact, Angela Hernandez.

I might be enjoying this a little too much

There is a no swearing watershed.
Swearing is only allowed from 00.01 until 23.59.
Any swearing outside of these times will be bleeped out.
Cue Presenter forgetting their mike is is on and yelling "Where's the Fucking bleep button?" at midnight.

Through the Keyhole
MN judge the neighbour's decor, and roll their eyes at feature wall paper in aubergine

this is the best TV I've seen in ages.
I'm trying to figure out how to get Idris Elba in to the mix

redshoe

Next on MN TV.... Luther.
Nothing changed
Just Luther.
Cos we're worth it

Lurk and Listen

Mnetters can tune in to the comings and goings of random MN households through a well placed Web cam in a stunt pineapple

No Shit Sherlock
Benedict Cumberbatch gives obvious answers to bloody simple dilemmas

Doorbell Challenge Cruel reality game show which attempts to get shy Mnetters to come to the front door.

Coronation Chicken Street
Day 4 of three MN chicken challenge

Muminators
Teams of people race to have sex then dunk their bits in a glass of water beside a bed, over-power a mum with a super-soaker, then persuade a group of toddlers to finish their meals, whilst juggling household items.

Breakfast - No Shit Sherlock

has this been nominated for Classics yet ?

The Big Bang Theory
Mumsnetters share their tips for satisfying sex after having children.
Number One suggestion is to leave husband cosleeping with the baby and toddler, and slope off to spare room and Do It Yourself...

Location Location Location

A parking thread, where, every week, someone parks in a marked parking bay and Mumsnetters phone in to suggest what kind of car couldn't possibly park alongside and still have room to get a baby out.

Could possibly be done with diagrams.

*programme. Not thread.

guess who's been to dinner

Where a contestants friend uses the bathroom bin, and then the contents of the bin are analysed. The contestant then has to decide which friend it was.

S&B
Dress me please
Contestants are dressed out of their cath kidson or Boden attire into everyday clothes and the public has to decide which was better, only to win John Lewis vouchers ....to buy the same again

One named every minute
On a labour ward babies are named by viewers texting the show after seeing the babies and which name their faces would fit. Parents are allowed to give birth in the Great Portland for free if and only if they accept the names suggested. If they don't accept the names, they are charged a full day's rate, and denied a meal.

gardenwatch
Live streaming from people's gardens to see hedgehogs, foxes, slow worms and cats.

University Challenge Mumsnetters arguing the toss about the best university, obviously wherever their DC is going, and why getting into a Russell Group university is the key to a success. Alternate title The Only Way is Oxbridge

It'd have to promote our favourite holiday destination I think.