If MN had its own TV channel...

[FairNotFair]

What the world needs is more MN, delivered to a wider audience. I have therefore whilst stuck in a traffic jam put together the basis of an idea for MNTV. Here are the totally original programmes I've come up with so far:

Cuntdown – fun wordgame in which contestants try and create profanities from a random selection of letters
Meal or No Meal – cookery programme focusing on the versatility and endless possibilities presented by the MN Chicken
Dynasty 2017 – updated drama with Justine as Alexis and Olivia as Krystle. Or vice versa. It doesn’t really matter.
Call the Midwife – fly-on-the-wall documentary/gameshow in which random women POAS and viewers phone a premium-rate number to vote on whether they can see a faint line…
Who Do You Think You Are? – televised outrage followed by flouncing
Are You Being Served? - harrowing real-life tales of funny looks from hapless retail assistants who are subsequently reported to management

I think there is definitely a market for such delights . Any more suggestions before I pitch it to MNHQ?

The EX factor - all the bastards that have been left are lined up on stage and then named and shamed

How clean is your house by mn standards. Points deducted for using a loo brush, no zoflora, and bedding left on for more than 7 days.

Rogue Parkers: all the arsehole people who park in p&c spaces or across your driveway exposed!

GBBO - Great Bastarding Bake Off - live footage from school cake fairs, with "Fuck You" cakes on offer, and punching a lemon drizzle cake are great audience favourites.
Of course there is the added footage of the PTA backstage - slagging off all other parents.

GBBO - and of course programme titles will feature lovely "CUNT" bunting everywhere

Re Cuntdown - you may be interested in Susie Dent's Guide to Swearing

www.channel4.com/programmes/susie-dents-guide-to-swearing

(Also available on YouTube).

Thank you; thank you; all fine ideas that will definitely go on the list. Another one occurs to me:

"Have You Cancelled the Cheque Yet?" - tired sitcom format in which in-jokes are endlessly recycled with un-hilarious consequences

Name that baby - viewers are given a list of names and vote to name someones PFB

PoliceLive! - An hours show from a police station where you get to see a man answering calls from MNetters 'logging' things. At the end of the show you see the man repeatedly banging his head off a desk.

Dream Destinations - features Maui heavily

AIBU - a Jeremy Kyle style show where the person airs their gripe and viewers vote on whether person is BU or not. If they are they are handed a grip.

Mycats

Loose Booze Women. A show which discusses every day problems and whether they're best resolved with or

The Parking squad

A team of MNers go round streets and solve parking issues with people.

Themes can include disabled bays, school parking and parent and child parking.

Whose child is that?

You have 3 children and 3 parents. Children and parents are asked questions and the contestants have to guess whose child is which.

Words And Diagrams- think Words And Pictures but instead every episode includes a handy diagram.

Transformers

1980's cartoon favourite that can only be shown post-op, err, watershed these days.

The Chase

Each toddler is armed with paints, felt tips and many other messy things whilst food and delicate, family heirlooms are placed around the studio floor. The harrassed parents contestants (armed with heavy bags) have to chase them around until they manage to get hold of them (lose 100 points for every mark they make on the walls, 200 points for every item broken/food smushed and 300 points every minute the tantrum when they've finally been caught lasts)

The person with the last amount of minus points wins The Chase.

Can't pay? Then take them away!

Whoever can last the longest with a screaming toddler in a toy shop without giving in and buying the toy you can't afford or leaving the shop wins! May sound easy but the shop is brimmed with judgy people giving Looks

Till death us do part

Or at least until told to LTB.

Militant M.I.Ls
Every Thursday morning a mil goes on my show to brag about what she has bought her forthcoming grandchild and how she can fuck up dils life and pregnancy.
First prize (voted by viewers with an app) will go to the mil who wears mourning black to her sons wedding , storms into the delivery suite claiming ownership of newborn and is totally fuckin bonkers
Second prize goes to the crazy mil who goes to dils houses and rearranges things in drawers sorts out laundry by a colour coded system and inspects for dust.
Booby prize goes to the mil who is a cunt and cancelled the cheque which dil and son were relying on for their holiday in Maui wearing plimsolls.

Say Yes To The Stress

MNers compete with one another over who has the most demanding time of it. Extra points awarded for the most outlandish claims about rising above it all.