Sorry, but...warnings to the youngsters among us

[MumBod]

Sorry, but...white wiry eyebrows do happen to women.

...you may need to trim your nasal hair too.

...and there will come a time when you'd rather grate your nipples than enter a nightclub, hard as that may be to believe right now.

Any others?

you unexpectedly acquire gravitas at work simply by being older and subtly use it to get your own way and boss folk around

Sorry but ..... you will find other people's children annoying when they are running around you and screaming whilst you are trying to enjoy your Sunday lunch out

Young people have never heard of major incidents or people that happened in what you think of as the recent past. I have talked to young adults who have never heard of Princess Diana

Hobbit feet. Flat, wide, hairy, yellow nails. Sorry.

On the upside, you stand up more securely and can swim faster with those flippers.

You'll go to one of the second-time-around gigs by a band you liked in your youth. You will be impressed by the singer pogoing like he's 24 again. Then, at the merch table where you're waiting for your T-shirt, and he comes to meet a few fans, his shorts ride up when he sits down and you realise he's wearing major knee supports

All breaks away will be outside the half terms and Summer and Christmas school hols.

Now I wonder why that would ever be!

Yes you guessed it. No ankle biters to be seen.

Payback for all the times it had to be done at great expense, heat and crowdiness when the sprogs were sprogs.

You no longer have a clue about what's"cool" anymore. And you don't give a shit.

You don't drive like a maniac anymore and are more worried about potentially hitting a bird or squirrel on the road. And you are more concerned with getting more miles per gallon than getting to your destination five minutes quicker.
Your shoes tend to have lower heels and they look more like that comfy footwear which you swore would never, ever find their way into your wardrobe. Sigh.......

You laugh uproariously when your adult nephew has his first encounter with an old-fashioned phone and asks how the dial works.

DH and I had to demonstrate how to use an old analogue phone (with dial) to our sons in the kids' "hands-on history" section of a museum. We were early 40s at the time, but felt about 85.

Bum hair.

The little ones you are currently babysitting will come up to you in a pub/club one day and say "Hi! Remember me?" (Happened to DD last year).

You sing along loudly and knowing all the words to an old record on the radio, when your 14 and 8 year old DDs both ask how you know this song... Then you realise it's been remade, digitalised and rereleased by some young whippersnapper flighty thing wearing, as a PP put, lace and cobwebs

You realise all the DJs you used to listen to on Radio 1 are now on Radio 2 if they've not been put out to grass...

You're trying to sew the buttons back onto your son's school blazer at midnight the day before school restarts, and can't see to thread the fucking needle... Shit shit shit why didn't I do it sooner?

You say things like shit why didn't I do it sooner and realise you sound just like your mother

**Bum hair

Sorry but ...you may well just "thicken" round the middle even if it's not fat.

And it won't be because you sit around more then 10 years ago...and even if you eat tiny portions, your weight will rise inexorably, because it turns out, you need far less food than in your 20's, but no one told you.
And your new doctor, who is about 14, will look at you, with mild distaste and says 'Its middle aged spread, what do you expect?'.

Bum hair
What? Do we end up with furry buttocks?

Hi all,

We're going to move this to Classics in a moment!

You're attending the wedding of some friends, and as you enter the church, you scan the pews to decide where to sit. On one side of the aisle, you see a forest of salt-and-peppered male-pattern bald spots and think "oh those will be the older relatives of the couple".

Then as you get closer and see their faces, you realise it's the rest of your university friends.

Why is it that the hair on my head and pubes thins but it ramps up on my face and arse? I really do need to know if any science bods can explain. Of course I will forget whatever you tell me....

Not so much fury buttocks as pubs extended towards the ass. I def did not have that in my 20s and 30s. 40s hit and bam hairy hole!! Lucky no one sees it

You'll open your mouth and your Mum will come out....

One day your kids will urge you to come and play on the trampoline, and a few minutes later you will know why everyone told you to do all those pelvic floor exercises, but of course you never did because it was never going to happen to you!! (Goes off to change knickers)

LOL at getting confused by time.

My great aunt came to my grandmother's 90th birthday party. She said that her grandson was going to drive her home. ""Ooh, that's nice, I said, I didn't know he was driving now. Is he a safe driver?" Yes, my great aunt said, he'd done quite a bit of it in the army. I waved them off and made a couple of quips about driving nice and slowly and no boy racer tricks with his grandmother in the car.

My mum took me to one side and told me that he'd just come back from a tour of duty commanding a tank battalion in Afghanistan and was in fact 36.

Not only do you have spots and wrinkles, your hair manages to be both greasy and frizzy at the same time.

your bra straps will make permanent grooves in your shoulders

Oh, and you know "the menopause" - it is not a cut off day - you do not necessarily go from periods to no periods, from pre-menopause to menopause -

you can end up with hormonal angst, dry skin, dry hair, dry EVERYWHERE!, joint pain, hot flushes, fuzzy headed, night sweats

AND STILL HAVE PERIODS TOO!!!!!!!! for quite some time. Life is not fair.

You will wear zip front fleeces cardigans instead of jumpers, so you can fling them off quickly when you suddenly overheat. Similarly, you'll understand the virtues of sheets and blankets rather than duvets, so you can fling off layers, and wash a sweaty sheet rather than battling a duvet cover.

On the plus side, there's vagifem. Oh yes.