My foof is buzzing

[ClopySow]

I am not using a vibrator. My phone is not vibrating. No-one is doing mad drilling next to me. I haven't accidentally left an internal vibrating toy up there.

I've had a pretty constant buzzing/vibrating feeling in my groin for about a week now. It's neither pleasant or unpleasant. What the fuck is it?

Is someone phoning my foof? Stop phoning my foof. You've got the wrong number.

I had that once, lasted half the day but I just thought it was the aftershocks of a particularly fabulous session with my ex. Maybe he wasn't as talented as I was thought...

I dont even get javelin arse. And never got stabby fanny when preggers.

I'm new to mumsnet, what the feck is javelin arse??

Oh and I don't even get period pains.

(Dont worry though, I had severe spd when pregnant with DS2, which I still suffer with nearly 2 years after he was born, I gained 7 stone and have an unstable spine according to my physio, so I haven't escaped all the fun stuff )

toria from what I've been told it's a sharp shooting pain in your arse.

Can we have a HQ warning on this thread please? DO NOT READ ON A TUBE FULL OF MOSTLY MALE FOOTBALL FANS. I'm literally crying with laughter and can't possibly tell anyone what about.

My foof does not talk but if it did I think it would sound like Kathy Burke

When I started nursery (thirty three years ago) my new best friend told me not to cross my legs when sat in circle time, because i'd 'get the bees'. Three year old me was extremely puzzled and slightly disturbed by this, but now it makes perfect sense. Did you ever sit cross legged on the floor, OP? Cos that's how it happens.

And I've had javelin arse. I literally thought I was dying.

fatty (may I call you fatty, ma'am?) I forgot period pains but I don't think I'd like to swap fun with yours

older yep, I'm fatty. Everyone says they feel a bit awkward calling me that at first but I don't mind..i am a fatty!
Are you sure you do t want to swap? I'll throw in one of my toddlers too? You can pick the girl one who is nicknamed demon or the boy one who is going through the terrible 2s...

Maybe the voice is actually Lauren Bacall.

"You know how to whistle, don't you Steve?"

I had this - on and off - for about 4 years! But when I asked the GP about it he looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up and mumbled at me to stop cycling
In the end iron tablets mostly cleared it up, except when I've been sitting on the floor as user's nursery-aged friend suggested!

Iron tablets you say? Interesting. I end up on iron tablets every now and again. I have some in the cupboard, i'll give it a bash.

And for the youngsters - ffs don't wish your life away for the sake of a fanny buzz, it's not even good. No sexy feels, just a weird buzzy feel.

fatty I'm good, though demon does sound interesting... I love kids but handing them back is great ATM. Plus I live in a bedsit studio and have no room for a cage (that's where small children are kept, yes?)

A cage is definitely where demon needs to be kept
clopy you did make me laugh.

clopy I wasn't m wishing my life away exactly... but nothing particularly interesting (and not just painful) is going on down there so buzzing would be an improvement.

I just wet myself from 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

'Maybe the voice is actually Lauren Bacall.
"You know how to whistle, don't you Steve?" '

midlife,

I've just had full-on hysterics, imagining a fanjo adding the next line in Bacall's sultry voice

(For anyone unfamiliar with To Have and Have Not, she continues: "You just put your lips together...and blow" ).

I keep going off in tangent fantasies where mine can switch its voice from Marianne Faithfull to Patsy Stone, depending on mood.

I don't think mine has a voice but I reckon it could sing a good tune. Today's song would prob be The Strokes 'Last night'

Oh man that can't be pleasant, sounds like how I imagine anal to be 😉

Sorry that last comment was a response to HerRoyalFattyness, but I am technically inept

toria that made me clench my arse cheeks

Is ovaries...sometimes you get a big stalky egg that pops and hurts like hell. Then it buzzes and hurts.
Still 'enjoy' it while it lasts.
I have had quite a lot of ovarian pain, it is eeewwww- hugs.

I think I have the diagnosis.

It's not a Mirena problem, it's a MIRANDA problem. Carmen Miranda to be precise - which explains the funky rhythms as well as the bananas.

Can it do La Cucaracha?