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Original poster

My foof is buzzing

247 replies

ClopySow · 20/05/2017 09:50

I am not using a vibrator. My phone is not vibrating. No-one is doing mad drilling next to me. I haven't accidentally left an internal vibrating toy up there.

I've had a pretty constant buzzing/vibrating feeling in my groin for about a week now. It's neither pleasant or unpleasant. What the fuck is it?

Is someone phoning my foof? Stop phoning my foof. You've got the wrong number.

OP posts:
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whydoesitalwayshappentome · 20/05/2017 14:09

Clopysow Could I have that as a fanny recorded message so to speak? Bit of a forewarning before tasering commences.

Gazelda · 20/05/2017 14:14

My window cleaner also deals with the local bees 🐝. Shall I get him to give you/your foof a call?

I may be going off in the wrong direction here, but I'm imagining all the talking foofs communicating via yoghurt pots and lengths of string.

Shockers · 20/05/2017 14:17

I too have fanjo banjo syndrome which started around the age of 48/49.

How old are you, OP?

Sn0tnose · 20/05/2017 14:17

Oh my god. I'm actually going to put that on my tinder profile...
TBH Clopysow I think 'I have a vibrating foof' would probably do the trick!

And I know a swarm of bees taking up residence in your foof is not ideal, but look on the bright side. You'll save a fortune on honey and bees are much nicer than wasps. Every cloud...

Original poster
ClopySow · 20/05/2017 14:22

whydoesitall

When you woke up this morning, would you have imagined for a second that by lunchtime, your fanny would have the voice of Liam Neeson? Magical innit?
I bet Liams dead pleased too. Ì really hope he's someone who googles himself and this comes up in his search.

If it does - Liam, I know this isn't the most conventional way to meet, but I think you should be my husband.

OP posts:
Original poster
ClopySow · 20/05/2017 14:24

I'm 41, 42 in a few weeks. Lets just say 42.

That's for shockers and Liam in case he's interested.

OP posts:
Original poster
ClopySow · 20/05/2017 14:26

I'm not sure i'm overly keen on honey thats been made in my foof. Fanny honey. Foney? Hanny? Cunny.

OP posts:
whydoesitalwayshappentome · 20/05/2017 14:28

Clopysow No it can safely be said I was not expecting my fanny to have assumed the voice of Liam Neeson, or that it could be potentially googled by said star for him to be (lets be honest) chuffed as fuck about it. (Who wouldn't)?

My thinking is that of all the people in the world for my fanny to assume the traits of, there are far worse.

Hidingtonothing · 20/05/2017 14:34

I should add, the bananas are for eating

Just when I thought this thread couldn't get any funnier......Grin

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 20/05/2017 15:03

I get this.

But I don't want my fanny talking in the voice of a raddled Love Actually actor Sad

Original poster
ClopySow · 20/05/2017 15:14

I'm sure there are plenty of other actors available for voice over work.

And liam isn't raddled.

OP posts:
NoTractorsAtTheTable · 20/05/2017 16:53

Clopy your buzzing fanjo, has made 'discussions of the day'! If that doesn't entice Liam, then nothing will - you may just have to spend your days harvesting fanny honey. I bet Waitrose would pay a fortune for it.

Original poster
ClopySow · 20/05/2017 17:02

So in summary, i have two potential business opportunities:

Artisan fanny honey
Fanny voice over agency.

This is quite exciting.

OP posts:
anotherpoisonprince · 20/05/2017 17:05

I get this!
I thought it was just me.

3luckystars · 20/05/2017 17:09

Have you got a Mirena coil?
(Not joking)

Original poster
ClopySow · 20/05/2017 17:17

No, i had one years ago but we didn't get
on, mirena and me.

OP posts:
whydoesitalwayshappentome · 20/05/2017 17:36

I am shocked quite frankly that somebody thinks my fanny's voice is voiced over by a raddled looking actor!!! Fanjo's have feelings you know wanders off muttering

Clopysow Can you imagine Brian Blessed's voice booming out of a fuzzing fanny? I think this is a money spinner of epic proportions.

Original poster
ClopySow · 20/05/2017 19:27

Yes i fucking can. It'd be fucking brilliant.

Morgan freeman?

OP posts:
BifsWif · 20/05/2017 19:31

I have just shouted 'BUZZ' at my foof. It didn't work.

Whatever it is, I can confirm that it is not voice activated.

whydoesitalwayshappentome · 20/05/2017 19:54

Morgan Freeman would work as a fanjo voice. I think he would be cool with it as well.

David Tennant?

Original poster
ClopySow · 20/05/2017 20:16

Ok, so we have liam for taser foof, morgan i think would be for a more easy going foof.
Brian blessed would be for the furious period foof. I'm sure he'd be fucking delighted with that.

David. Ok, but we have to think of a type for him.

Oh. At what point do we go "what the fuck are we even talking about" and stop. Talking fannies is not what i envisioned when i posted this.

I'd still quite like to know why my foof buzzes.

OP posts:
leghoul · 20/05/2017 20:27

I think worth going to doctor. A) I want to know what they say when you tell them your symptoms
B) they might take it quite seriously as some spinal compression eg prolapsed vertebrae or stenosis or something can cause weird sensations in, erm, saddle area, and sometimes it can become a surgical emergency
C) if medical all clear given then they must be communicating with each other or uploading data to the cloud

titsbumfannythelot · 20/05/2017 20:34

Why do none of the foofs have female voices? Not a Dot Cotton or Deirdre Barlow has been mentioned.

Hidingtonothing · 20/05/2017 21:11

I imagine mine to sound like Mrs Merton if that helps tits?

titsbumfannythelot · 20/05/2017 21:14

🤣🤣🤣

Let's have a heated debate