Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

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Masons Jars for holding lunch and layered salads etc = wanky

Menus that say things like " Shoestring fries ~ 6.5" = wanky

Nespresso's "Vintage" coffee = wanky

Calling chicken nuggets Chicken Gougons = wanky

Gah!

Thread gone off track, I hear you say?

I give you the Personalised Family Cheese Board. In slate, none the less.

'Dust and things' who seem to be selling the cheese slate is a super wanky name for a shop too.

Dust and Things? That is a ridiculous name. Do you think if I open a shop called A Bit Of Manky Stuff In The Corner Of The Bath I will make my fortune?

They should prob be renamed Dust and Wank, tbh.

Went to a new restaurant with DH a few weeks ago. Lovely food but the most pretentious cocktails ever. The sort of thing that has two paragraphs explaining the history behind the cocktail on the menu.

I had one called "Like a bird" It came in a bird shaped glass, part christmas tree ornament, part this but without a stem. Because it was stem free, the glass had to rest on a little red pillow. This cocktail in a glass bird sitting on a red pillow, with a glass straw, was brought to the table in a birdcage and ceremoniously presented, along with the "story" of the young woman in the Raj abandoned by her Indian lover and how the cocktail represents her longing and trapped existence.

I found it quite hard to drink as I was laughing too hard.

Boiling a carefully-sourced unwaxed lemon and ethically-traded cinnamon stick to fragrance your home - wanky.
Scented candles - wank from five years ago, now just naff and smelly.

Once you can get the items in Ikea, Wilkos and Poundland, your wank has turned to naff. Especially when the scents are horrible and have been copied by your toilet cleaner.

Mixing stupid numbers of fonts (see 3 pics above) like an excitable American teenager getting on AOL in 1999 - wanky.

Gentle parenting/ attachment
Parenting. Any kind of parenting where your child is a spoilt badly behaved brat because you're too scared to tell them off for fear of upsetting them and them not being your friend anymore!

www.theshovel.com.au/2017/02/28/melbourne-cafes-deconstructed-cheesecake-just-a-list-of-ingredients-and-a-coles-voucher/

Any kind of parenting where your child is a spoilt badly behaved brat because you're too scared to tell them off for fear of upsetting them and them not being your friend anymore!

Any kind of parenting really. Other than just being a parent, obvs.

My friend got a de constructed cheese cake(crumb and cream with a lemon peel) it was from a family diner it featured on we want plates she said it was her greatest moment of her life

@AndShesGone ... Im drinking instant coffee right now ... I have instant at my mums house and my boyfriends, i drink it at work and am offered instant in the library ...
Everyone drinks instant here .. and i even have a pod machine under my bed and my bf has a bean coffee maker .. but I'm lazy x

I went there a few years ago and ordered a cocktail. As I started to drink it, the barman burst a balloon in my face.
When I had finished jumping out of my skin, he kindly informed me that the balloon had been filled with an aroma to compliment my drink, and I was to now inhale the balloon air to improve the taste of my drink

I have just started RTFT, but this ^^ has made me laugh more than anything else on MN, ever. Hilarious. I think my gut reaction would have been to punch him.

Elderbrookdrinks have managed to combine trying to be 'not wanky' ( read the bottle packaging) with being a subscription and expensive to produce the ultimate meta-wanky company.

Ok, my lemon and cinnamon suggestion is apparently mega-wanky (sob). I concede that, with a heavy heart.

But 'passed', however traditional, is wanky. Death does not need to be disguised with euphemisms. And if you must use one, at least say 'passed away", not 'passed'.

Is The Holy Mountain wanky? I watched it and was torn between, hmm, interesting, and shouting, " Ffs, self indulgent wank"! at it. Sort of like it though. The director would have had a nice career making pop videos in these modern times.

So they had wanky stuff back in the 70s. Happily we're able to vent about wanky stuff online these days.

We have a basic cafe in our town
on the drinks bit it says:
Tea £1
coffee £1
I must be common, but that suits me.

I must be too. I hate the long queues in wanky coffee shops. Just give me a coffee ok???!!!

death, must be the same cafe that i go to!
nice and straightforwards, no messing about and the food is hot and served in double quick time. Always packed out in there, so its doing something right.

Forgot about Sia. Layers upon layers of pretentious wankery.

Rubbish - I may be misremembering, but I think the horror film Shivers has a whole load of satire of late 60s fads, from stir frying to yoga!

In cultural terms, the thing that gets me foaming at the mouth with accusations of wankery is Paulo Coelho. There are not words for how much I hate his books.

I went there a few years ago and ordered a cocktail. As I started to drink it, the barman burst a balloon in my face.
When I had finished jumping out of my skin, he kindly informed me that the balloon had been filled with an aroma to compliment my drink, and I was to now inhale the balloon air to improve the taste of my drink

H has just suggested this would be far more entertaining if, instead of bursting the balloon, the bar man held the neck tightly and squeaked the air out with a shrieky farting noise. I like this idea much more. Probably lacks gravitas, though.

Jeeze, there are A LOT of wanky things around.

We're going to send this thread over to classics now.

Ta for the reports!

Yes!! The wank will be around for all to enjoy for years to come!

Supreme wankitude right here
www.facebook.com/Insiderfood/videos/1675428919428245/

Oh wow Koala, I just read about the cheesecake with me jaw on the floor! And the cheeky bastards charge £25 for an £8 voucher and send you home to cook it yourself, fucking genius wankers!

Most blogs are full of wankery, aren't they? I am of the opinion that being a bit of a self absorbed wanker is a necessary requirement for blog writing.