Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

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Masons Jars for holding lunch and layered salads etc = wanky

Menus that say things like " Shoestring fries ~ 6.5" = wanky

Nespresso's "Vintage" coffee = wanky

Calling chicken nuggets Chicken Gougons = wanky

Gah!

...has anyone mentioned ironing water.

This ad is the height of wank for me. Are babies much more delicate nowadays?

I love this thread. DH is a South American cattle rancher, a bit red neck and not keen on artisan cafes and civilisation. A recent trip to São Paulo opened his eyes to wanky shit. His theory is the more urbanisation, the more time people have and the more removed they are from nature, so they start trying to create environments that stimulate them. That's why the wanky shit multiplies the closer you get to cities or the more urban the area. I hate to admit he might be right.

Derxa!! I think I just threw up a little

See, I thought ironing wafter was wank central and I used to scoff about it... until I bought some and realised it made my clothes smell naice.

Could you not just use, I don't know, cotton wool and water?

Love the wholesome Irish accent and clear skinned purity to ram the point home.

You can make your own ironing water if you have a condenser dryer. Use the water collected in the tank, add a few drops of essential oil of your choice and hey presto

Top tip:

When you finish a bottle of liquid laundry detergent or fabric softener, put it in the washing machine with a load. Then fill it with water (tap if soft; deionised if hard). The water takes on the taint of the detergent/softener from the plastic bottle. Using that water in your iron/spray gives your laundry a further lift of the fragrance you've already put into it.

And you don't have to pay Unilever/P&G/etc any more money.

Saudade His theory is the more urbanisation, the more time people have and the more removed they are from nature, so they start trying to create environments that stimulate them.

I agree with this. I think there's a yearning to get back to a "simpler" way of life, where you are more directly connected to things too. So eg. a "deconstructed" () coffee reminds you of the process of putting all the bits together rather than a convenient coffee ready-made. And mismatched old furniture seems more "real" on some level that perfectly formed new identikit stuff.

See also: general increase in nostalgia and especially adverts with simple, plinky music that sounds like a baby toy... trying to kid ourselves life is simple and a new adventure rather than the hideous mess we've got ourselves and the planet in.

erm... maybe reading too much into it! I would LOVE to study this though.

It dos make sense. I hadn't thought about the deconstructed coffee in that way, you're right it makes it less convenient and ready made. The whole eating on chopping boards and other random objects is more rustic, less clean and modern.

BBCNews - Great post, and I agree, though I also think it's stimulated by a generation of middle class kids who genuinely have less in the way of the Big Stuff (well-paid and secure jobs, cars, houses) as a kind of way of coping with multiple anxieties, including health anxieties.

Interesting point, shove.

I'm going to call all this Wanker Theory.

I'm disgusted to say I'd love one of those wanky showers 😝

Get the font right and stick a picture of a penny farthing on the cover, BBCNews and you could almost certainly sell The Little Book of Wanker Theory to...well, wankers.

' oven baked bread' , how else are you going to bloody cook it wankery

I'm going to turn my farm into a "get back to nature resort for wankers", a place they can come and cleanse their inner wanker, they can pick their own coffee and relax and read BBCNewsRave book on Wankery Theory.

Sorry The Little book of Wanker Theory

I really want the wanky shower now - I would just use it for showering though, not for entering the world where the interplay of water exhilarates and renews you by letting the opulent cascade of water pour over you.

Scented candles are wanky. All of them. Yes, even the expensive ones. If you need to freshen up your house, open all the windows and boil half a lemon with a cinnamon stick. If your house is already fresh, don't spoil it by lighting a scented candle.

And saying 'passed' to avoid referring to death is super wanky. One of the few things that cheered me up in the days after my father's death was when someone referred to him as having 'passed'. 'Passed what?' I said.

! One of the blokes is wearing patent leather shoes without socks! # wanker.

I prefer .

Remeber how happy we were for keyborad that didn't cramp your fingers? Me either so I will pay a ridiculously large sum for the the pleasure. Wankity wank.

Scented candles are wanky. All of them. Yes, even the expensive ones. If you need to freshen up your house, open all the windows and boil half a lemon with a cinnamon stick. If your house is already fresh, don't spoil it by lighting a scented candle.

I don't know, that sounds a bit like a "life hack" to me. And cinnamon sticks are wanky.

Yes I'm afraid telling people to boil half a lemon with a cinnamon stick rather than light a smelly candle is definitely wanky under this thread's rules.

It's the sort of thing I do but i am very comfortable with my wankiness - I also enjoy an expensive coffee :)

Mary Haha yes! I forgot about the 'replicas' they always publish at the end. And come to think they do feature twee shop owners a lot hmmm . . .
I also love how they always say 'its worth spending X amount on a couch/table' etc yeah nice for some who can afford it!

And saying 'passed' to avoid referring to death is super wanky. One of the few things that cheered me up in the days after my father's death was when someone referred to him as having 'passed'. 'Passed what?' I said

It's not wanky. It's a traditional and religious euphemism , suggesting they've gone to heaven

I'm not sure you've grasped the thread, PP!
Got an order a deconstructed meal in a restaurant with a water menu to get yourself back on track...!