Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

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Masons Jars for holding lunch and layered salads etc = wanky

Menus that say things like " Shoestring fries ~ 6.5" = wanky

Nespresso's "Vintage" coffee = wanky

Calling chicken nuggets Chicken Gougons = wanky

Gah!

Nope, sorry, it's just not the proper airplane seat experience without the seat in front reclining into your food as you're trying to eat.

They are so uncomfortable and they don't come with a table, just a small metal trolley! They also put a castle bucket (think beach bucket and spade) on your 'table' with condiments in, the theme is not consistent at all. Wank.

Oh good they have photos of their buckets 😒

I kind of like the buckets.
Maybe acceptable in a beachside cafe?

My favourite bit of MumBod's York wankery:

"...menus between tables and days may spontaneously change."

Between tables?! I'm going to open a wanky restaurant where the menu changes between when you order and when it arrives...

I LOVE this thread! And heartily agree with everything said so far.

We aren't immune to the 'bespoke' and 'curated' where I live, though a great deal of it seems to be centred on tea shops. The facial hair has reached such proportions that every time I go out I wonder if the city is hosting a beard convention...

Husband and I went out a while back and after the shock of £11 for a gin, ONE SINGLE SHOT, I spent most of the evening being surprised we were served at all as neither of us have a beard.

I went to a bar yesterday where there was a cocktail made from 'Flint, clay and lichen distillates'. What the actual fuck are lichen distillates? Needless to say, I did not try it! The same place also had very gritty hand soap in the toilets. Turned out it contained "natural pumice" (is there another kind) and a list of other ingredients so long that I had to stop reading lest my companions fear I'd been struck ill.

Fortunately I mostly find these things amusing rather than irritating, but that menu would have led me to suggest that they did indeed order me a taxi!

The barbershop speakeasy reminds me of the bar in London where you have to walk through a fridge. My brother went but he is a prize wankster.

thenudge.com/london-bars/the-mayor-of-scaredy-cat-town/

BBC you wouldn't know if the menu did change - you don't get to see it.

They just bring you massive plates with smears, smudges and blobs of foam on, and you fall on it in desperate need of sustenance eat it.

Highlights from our one and only trip there included a raw egg, some kind of mushroom foamy stuff and a 'main course' consisting of a single lamb chop accompanied by a withered carrot.

We were starving and pissed by the end.

Coffee came as a sort of steampunk science experiment.

We ordered cheese and biscuits at the end. I bet everybody does

Nope, sorry, it's just not the proper airplane seat experience without the seat in front reclining into your food as you're trying to eat.

We should earn big bucks by suggesting that the cafe hire our children to kick the backs of the seats repeatedly through dinner, to replicate the true aircraft dining experience.

How could I have forgotten the soup with a blob of ice cream floating in it?

You can have a wanky chip basket and dustbin your own home now thanks to wilcos.

Heirloom tomatoes

My pet peeves is when a house is described as 'architect designed' - as opposed to dentist designed?

Heirloom tomatoes? Heirloom tomatoes? Is that the next step up the scale of wankery from heritage tomatoes? What next? Antique tomatoes? Neolithic tomatoes?

Perfumed sanpro

You can get heritage carrots PageStillNotFound404 but I like them. So do my guinea pigs- we like how they have a sweet taste and are different colours- purple, gold etc

Saw this being advertised this weekend, the wankiest of showers wellness zones(hmm)
www.grohe.co.uk/en_gb/bathroom-collection/showers/aquasymphony.html

Perfumed sanpro

I hate it so much.

There is a point to heirloom tomatoes, or there used to be, anyway. They're the older, less often grown and tastier varieties.

That shower ad is weapons grade wankery.

Oooo noooo, reached the end. Really hoping you're all just out there finding more of these gems. This thread is superb!

I admit I haven't RTT (26 pages, not enough time) so sorry if this has been discussed but I HATE when those bloody decorating magazines do 'spreads' on perfect peoples homes post reno. Sooo fucking wanky!

• The wife/partner always has a job I've never heard of usually involves 'styling' and rambles on about her 'eclectric' (Always bloody 'eclectric') style and how she 'sourced pieces' for the house - AKA went to the shops and picked up some cushions.
• If theres been a renovation she apparently 'projected managed' it - so, she basically bossed around and pissed off tradesmen who were trying to do jobs she had no idea about.

-The darling offspring always have 'different' names - Tarquin, Annabelle etc well maybe not good examples but they're never called Hannah or Jack. -The poor cuckloaded husband who funded the whole thing and didn't have any say in the project sits there and doesn't say a word.

' sourced' in our house is comparing the prices on ebay, amazon, or high street websites and going for what we think might be okay.
Then discovering its smaller or bigger than we wanted and wished we had just gone shopping.

Oh yes to the wanky homes in magazines. You also get them in women's magazines and the proud owner always owns a twee lifestyle shop in Brighton or Islington or some such, which couldn't possibly fund the fabulous house and lifestyle shown, so you know they have a massively high-earning banker or plastic surgeon husband etc. They always have unique one-off "pieces" like a mongolian camel blanket that they "sourced" on their round-the-world honeymoon. Then at the end there's a page suggesting you can "get the look" by buying a really not at all "similar" blanket from Next

Why I keep reading this shite I have no idea! I love a trashy mag :o

The council are trying to rename the small suburban town just outside London in which I live "x village" = wanky

I#m so glad there are so many other sensible people out there!