Wanky things! Wanky things everywhere...

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Masons Jars for holding lunch and layered salads etc = wanky

Menus that say things like " Shoestring fries ~ 6.5" = wanky

Nespresso's "Vintage" coffee = wanky

Calling chicken nuggets Chicken Gougons = wanky

Gah!

Espuma of Goats Curd!, wanky restaurant.

It seems as though they are all trying to be so 'different' that they all look the same and then the boundaries have to be pushed further. What next?? Maybe we could make some suggestions to the wankiest hipster joint and see if it makes an appearance. Old loos instead of chairs, soup in old paint tins and consumed via a trumpet mouthpiece. Sorry, I lack imagination.

How did I forget!? There's a cafe in my hometown with airplane seats instead of chairs!! Wankery at its finest

Oops photo!

Saying "on route" when on the way to somewhere - the ultimate wankery

Eeeuggh I don't think I want anything on my dinner plate that's called espuma. It doesn't sound like food, it sounds like something you bring up and spit out into a hanky.

Edible flowers. Now they are the epitome of food wankery.

James Martin was asked "Why smear something on the plate"? He replied," about £70."

The wankery on this thread is highly entertaining and astounding and feelit that menu is the winner. I could barely decipher it. I too have nominated this for classics

I have also nominated this for classics, I feel it would be a good pick me up for those down wanky days

I'm adding "bound" aswell as "en route".
As in "out tonight, London bound"

Shudders

Yes, smearing puree on plates. Why? The word makes me think of dirty protests. And smear tests. And smear campaigns. Why would anyone want to eat a smear? Perhaps it was once a rogue M in a typo on a menu that meant to say "seared". Then a disgruntled diner got angry because they expected their scallops to be smeared about the plate.

What on earth is an insulated back??

It means 'sponge'

Gifting - whatever happened to 'give'?

Apologies if this has already been posted:
wewantplates.com

This is the site you need - full of total food wankery!

The new McDonalds advert is about wanky coffee !!

I accidentally bought some very wanky crisps from m&s recently! Grabbed them in a hurry and only once I ate then spat out one did I read it and realise they were 'gold leaf adorned, Buck's Fizz flavoured hand cut chips' so yes, Fanta flavoured, gold glitter covered crisps. I tried a couple more times in case it was an aquired taste but nope. 3 year old DD with a sweet tooth though was munching away wondering what the issue was. Personally I'll stick with walkers from now on!

I am not a fan of hashtagging when not on twitter. However, I live in a suburb of a city in the NW and this is my local area. I love my coffee and my gin. I have always been of the opinion if the country of origin of my coffee also produces good chocolate or is known for its illegal drugs (cocaine usually) then the coffee will be decent. There are some exceptions to this rule, but all these plants need similar conditions. I do like to highlight this to the more annoying full-on hipsters in the now gentrified area of the city centre. It used to be an area you never went into, how times have changed.

..... dum de dum....
Don't mind me. Just want to pop back tomoz and y'know absorb wankery-ness

What a fucking brilliant thread, but I'm shocked that nobody has mentioned the epitome of wankspeak, 'myself will be your server, any beverages for yourself?'

You don't sound posh, you sound puddled you pretentious twat, it's I, me and you!!! Fuckwittery and wankery

I recently bought some posh teabags and on the pack they are calling them tea temples NO THEY ARE TEABAGS im looking at you teapigs.

I think I ate in the Glasgow place about 5 years ago. If so it was with a proper copper, his choice, and he enjoys mahogany tea and his food beige and cremated, so it can't be that wanky?! #hopeful

Printed in the US, by hand, using ancient presses, by a tiny company that specialise in circus and political posters. On thick card.

TwoEvils, that's beautiful, A-star wankery. The "circus" bit makes it.

Milkshakes in milk bottles/mason jars. Yuk! Why do I hate them so much???

There's a cafe in my hometown with airplane seats instead of chairs!!

Jesus wept, they're fucking uncomfortable enough when you have to sit in them. Ugh.