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Fanny condensation

557 replies

ClopySow · 08/11/2016 21:46

On plastic chairs. Just me?

Please tell me it's not just me. It happened tonight at school parents meeting. Stood up after a nice chat with the maths teacher and there is it, the diamond shaped condensation patch of doom.

I nearly name changed because i am very embarrassed, but fuck it.

OP posts:
MrTCakes · 09/11/2016 14:20

Dewy diamond! Ah ha ha ha.

I left one on a plastic chair as I got up to leave an interview. I stopped and looked at it. Interview panel just stared on in silence. I left.

As diamonds go it was at least 50 carat.

PandaInTheMorning · 09/11/2016 14:26

Cjt110- no solutions for you but this happens to me too with those type of trousers.

Hopefully someone will be along with a useful suggestion.

Horsepower9 · 09/11/2016 14:33

Hahahaha love this thread....., my friend wants me to add' Cunny Cough' to the names..

smoothieooo · 09/11/2016 14:33

This is so me. Always at DS's school too (last time in front of dishy guy who was in to do a presentation for parents). I'm taking a cushion in my bag next time. Thanks for making me feel better OP!

spiderlight · 09/11/2016 14:34

This used to happen to me all the time at school. I'd repressed it until now! I recall that I was very adept at getting up and pushing my chair under the desk in one swift movement, and I used to look forward to PE days because I could keep my Pe shorts on under my skirt for the rest of the day to mitigate the issue.

cjt110 · 09/11/2016 14:34

Thanks Panda - At least we share moist, wiffy foofs!

Givemestrengthorwine · 09/11/2016 14:37

Fanny condensation 😂😂😂
Lol, in school we all do the twist n slide.
Cotton undies, yes, but smart black trousers are viscose stuff and nylon mix fabrics, they are awful!
I sit on cardi/ jacket/coat because 'the chairs are uncomfortable' ! 😉

mumofpaige · 09/11/2016 14:42

I always end up feeling like I've wet myself, very embarrasing but completely normal, hate plastic chairs

SilkThreads · 09/11/2016 14:46

a bad hot fanny Grin

BenLinusatemyhomework · 09/11/2016 14:47

Rebrand and lose the shame.

Announce proudly to all in the vicinity that "this chair hath been anointed with my sacred feminine waters and shall hither too be known as the Yoni Throne - sit and be bathed in sweet mingy mist. You're welcome", and sweep out like a goddess...

Or do the twist and slide. Yeah, actually... do the twist and slide.

LockedOutOfMN · 09/11/2016 14:51

I haven't read the whole thread, sorry, but, yes, OP, this happens to me at least once a week. I work in a school so there's a whole lot of plastic chairs.

About a week ago, I was at a conference with colleagues. I sat with two male colleagues who have all joined the school recently. We were sat down in a warm room, on plastic chairs, for about an hour and a half for the welcome and keynote speech. When we got up to leave, I had left the triangle too and as the chairs were pale blue it was fairly noticeable, but I thought it was better to just walk off than draw attention to it by trying to wipe it away (and I had nothing to hand to do that with, just my laptop).

Unfortunately, as we were standing up waiting to walk out of our row, one of my new colleagues dropped a bottle of water he was holding and, of course, it fell underneath the chair I'd recently vacated. The two of them both then bent down more or less with their faces on top of / level with the diamond of shame and spent what felt like hours scrabbling around for this blasted bottle of water. I was mortified. Neither of them appeared to notice the mark, though.

Maybe they thought I'd wet myself. Or maybe they genuinely didn't see it? Maybe they thought the chair had an existing mark on it? Or, my final thought, which is rather far fetched, is that because they're both Biology teachers, they were cool with it?

CheesyWeez · 09/11/2016 14:52

I will try the twist and slide thing next time. Previously I have hovered over the chair while fiddling with my bag or something, until it disappears!

RhodaBorrocks · 09/11/2016 14:53

I had this issue at school - polyester skirt + tights + plastic chairs = mmff moisture.

I took to perching on the very edge of my seat to try and avoid it, but some bitches other girls accused me of 'getting thrills' from sitting that way.

It's better now as I rarely sit on plastic seats, but I'm going to watch out for the twist and slide next time I'm in a meeting!

RhodaBorrocks · 09/11/2016 14:54

That shoukd be *muff moisture!

LockedOutOfMN · 09/11/2016 14:54

I'd never heard of the twist and slide until reading this thread! I always wear skirts to work. I also wear panty liners and, now it's autumn, tights. Yet still the diamond persists if the room is warm enough and I'm sitting on a plastic chair for, say, more than 20-30 minutes.

dotty2 · 09/11/2016 15:02

I love this thread. For at least 30 years I have thought I was the only person in the world this happened to. And - if I'm allowed a bit of a TAAT, I went to Oxford Uni and never really found my tribe, but now I have. My dewy diamond, minge misted tribe. And on a day when I thought only bad things were going to happen...Grin

ShotsFired · 09/11/2016 15:06

Many many times, but the worst was when I had it after a friend/workmate took me a for a spin in his fancy new car. I got out and then sort of bent over back to look inside the car and say goodbye and all that. Our our eyes both locked on the sweaty diamond on the seat I'd just vacated, glistening in the interior car light. It looked like I'd weed myself when really I'd just had a hot bum.

I practically do the full length version of Chubby Checker's Twist on getting out of any car which is non-fabric seats now.

StarryIllusion · 09/11/2016 15:06

Announce proudly to all in the vicinity that "this chair hath been anointed with my sacred feminine waters and shall hither too be known as the Yoni Throne - sit and be bathed in sweet mingy mist. You're welcome", and sweep out like a goddess...

Oh God STOP! I can't even breathe and all my colleagues want to know what the fuck is so funny. What the Hell do I say?!

SestraClone · 09/11/2016 15:10

Yes, yes and yes!

I have also seen it from others, I wont sit in a vacated seat until the previous sitters diamond has dissipated Grin

justlliloleme · 09/11/2016 15:11

Never happened to me on a chair but happens to me when I go to the gym - really embarrassing sweaty crotch - no idea how to stop it or disguise it.
Never seems to happen to anyone else :-(

foxychox · 09/11/2016 15:12

oh god yes at the gym!! Not so bad when I am there on my own cos I can sit on a towel, but when I am there with personal trainer..... I have to get off, put my knee over it and pretend to be stretching while surreptitiously wiping it off. The diamond of doom!!!

foxychox · 09/11/2016 15:13

and I've tried all sorts of knickers, including sweat wicking knickers and it makes NO difference

TheSpottedZebra · 09/11/2016 15:29

I don't do this! I must have a very frigid fanjo.
I'm not sure that this is a good thing.

WankingMonkey · 09/11/2016 15:30

So glad this happens to others. I have never dared ask anyone, even close friends or family, because...reasons Grin

PutDownThatLaptop · 09/11/2016 15:40

Went to Halfords, bought a bike. The nice young man who served me needed to adjust the saddle, so he got me to sit on it to check the height. I sit on it with my little legs swinging free. "Hop off!" says he, and I do.
THERE IT IS. A STEAMY BIKE SEAT. He looks at it. I look at it. He looks at me. I look at the floor. He adjusts this disgusting steamy seat and asks me to hop back on. I climb on. "It's fine" I squeak, and refuse to get back off again.