To ask what the stupidest thing you've ever done is?

[RentANDBills]

In very pathetic excited about the new whisk I got today and decided to make some pancakes.

In my enthusiasm I forgot the basic laws of physics and plunged said whisk into a full jug of milk and eggs, plastering myself and the kitchen in mix. Seriously, the place was covered.
Contemplating my choices, I cleared it all up.
This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that I then immediately did the exact same thing again. I'm now dripping with eggs, milk and shame wondering why people pay me to look after their children when I clearly need full time supervision myself

please tell me your stupidest stories, I suspect I'm the worlds biggest plonker right now

Back in the days of my long hair, I was mixing some eggs with one of those electric whisk things. I slipped and my hair got tangled up in the whisk. DP nearly pissed himself laughing and had to take me to the hair dresser with it still in my hair because it was so tangled.

Anyway, I got a hairstyle that's lasted me 12 years out of it, so it wasn't all bad.

I got my tongue stuck to an ice cube once, whilst it was still in the tray. It took my skin with it as well.

Decided to change the relay on the central heating without realising it was an electrical part. It threw me across the landing.

Broke tailbone coming down a wavy slide. I was 32.

Put foot in teenage dd's door mid argument. She slammed it and broke my big toe.

Sewed my jacket to my duvet cover as a teenager (this one seems scarily common)

Wondered aloud to dh why there was never any lettuce in the chicken and veg lettuce bakes I had from the pie shop. My confusion was relieved when he laughingly informed me it was a 'lattice'.

I'm sure there are many more 😐

I'd just had a large item of furniture delivered and wanted to unpack it before the delivery guy left. Opened the kitchen scissors into a cross shape and used one blade to cut the cardboard. My hand shot off the box and a blade went straight into my leg. My pyjama bottoms turned scarlet, the delivery guy didn't want to leave me alone but I was desperate for him to go as I had no knickers on and needed to take my PJs off! Spent the afternoon in A&E getting stitches and still have the kitchen scissors 15+ years later.

I was slitting open the shrink wrap on a 4 pack of 2 litre sparkling water bottles (it was sitting on the floor) with a knife and pierced one of the bottles which promptly sent a spray of water right into my face. I thought someone had come into the kitchen and was spraying water at me before I realised what had happened.

Asked DH to remind me when his brother's birthday is. His identical twin brother.

OMG that is funny.

I recently stupidly asked someone if her boy/girl twins were identical.

As soon as it came out of my mouth I realised how stupid it was and she was very kind about it.

Boink

Sat on the beach at about aged 8. Decided to squash that " annoying hoverfly " between my knees.

I squashed it alright but is was a sodding wasp and I got stunk inside both knees in one go !

Om going to sounds unbelievably stupid.
I am, buy even more so!

I was pregnant with my daughter, I'd stayed at her dads place which was in the next village, neither of us drove, so we needed to get a bus for HD to be able to get to my midwife appointment. The bus timetable showed we would reach town quite a bit earlier than we needed, but I thought we could have a coffee and something nice from Gregg's, would be the only place open anyway.

So we grab coffee and sit outside (twas early December) and I start to talk about the cold, and snow, and putting my tongue out to catch the snow flakes.....

Low and behold...white specks start to fall. And I am ecstatic. ITS SNOWING!! SNOWING! As if I willed it to happen....and I stick my tongue out to catch the teeny tiny snowflakes!!
He wasn't sharing my excitement, just told me to stop.

A few minutes later I say I'm feeling funny. I can't feel my hand. And my tongue feels really strange. My tongue went numb.

I was panicking, I had no idea what was happening, but I think I'll bring it up with midwife in just over an hour, if I don't die!, I was seriously panicking.

Whilst explaining the snow....
Dd dad pipes up, "except what hippo ingested wasn't snow. There was a man on a ladder sawing at painted wood attached to building behind us,

Midwifes face was a picture, as mine must have been.

Allergic shock. Only one worth mentioning. And I'd accidentally eaten paint and wood dust, at 8 1/2 months pregnant.

Felt like a right arse.

That and the Iceland foot in mouth-

Speaking to a lady in cast - that looks nasty what happened ...,

Fell and bust it Iceland.

Me - so sorry, hope it didn't spoil your holiday

Blank reply - yeah - the once in the precinct up the road v

Boink- my children's doctor asked me the same questions about my boy /girl twins - she should have known better!!

*allergic reaction. And please excuse the spelling mistakes. I am unbelievably tired.

Oh yes. We had tickets to the Twickenham 7's tournament. I enquired casually of DH how one plays cricket with 7 people on each team as I was pretty proud that I had remember that there are normally 11 on a cricket team. Turns out it's a rugby tournament and a very famous rugby venue. Who knew...

DH nearly wet himself and told everyone within a mile radius.

allegretto makes me feel a bit better though

I got bored with my usual housework routine and decided it was time for a change. Hoovered down the stairs instead of up, pulled Hoover on to my head.

Oh dear I know its wrong but I am pms laughing at attempting to cure breastfeeding baby of hiccups by loudly shouting Boo

I've just come back to this, thanks for the replies!

Probably worth mentioning that I had to take a taxi to work this morning as I managed to fall of my bike whilst standing still yesterday evening and have bruised my bum and both legs really quite badly. I'm pretty sure onlookers (because of course it was central London in rush hour) thought I was drunk.

Not a stupid thing, but I looked like a tit.

Was a student. Saw a bloke I slightly fancied in the library. Walked downstairs with him clutching a pile of books.

He says "Watch yourself, your heels are really high". I do a dismissive, elegant wave of the hand and say "I was born in heels, darling". Then I fall spectacularly downstairs.

Not mine but my mum's... she was at my sister's just after my sister had given birth, helping out. Mum put some jacket potatoes in the oven..all fine. There was a really really funny smell but they didn't investigate it. Got the jackets out the oven...they were cooked fine. And so were my mum's glasses, sitting melted all over the baking tray.

at these

I got off of a bus, turned and walked smack into its wing mirror with my face. Carried on walking nonchalantly away whilst the driver had to actually get out and adjust his mirror.

Dad asked me to cut his hair with a shaver on a certain setting. Did, all fine. Then he changed it to a shorter setting and asked me to trim the straggly bits on the back of the neck. I for some reason thinking this new setting wouldn't be that short proceeded to shave an enormous bald rectangle up the back of his head. Torn between horror and hilarity. I then tried to even it out, resulting in him looking like a medieval monk. He said he looked like he'd had a lobotomy. He saw the funny side eventually

Sitting outside at a v nice bar/restaurant for an early evening drink with DH, had only had a couple of sips and decided I needed the loo (ie, I can't even blame it on being tipsy). To get to them you had to go inside, then outside and back inside again. When I'd finished, I came out and lost my bearings, I went outside and then headed at a haring pace to where I thought the inside was, sadly it was a massive pane of glass and not an opening at all. Gave the poor buggers sitting the other side of it the fright of their lives, but stunned myself, cut the bridge of my nose and dying of embarrassment, managed to get back to DH, told him to swiftly drink up, we're leaving! When we scuttled out, DH was uncontrollably laughing at the Turin Shroud of my face I'd left on said window.

"I was born in heels, darling". Then I fall spectacularly downstairs.

Bahaha! Sorry, shove but I did laugh at that

My MIL once asked FIL, very loudly in s. Try busy pub (State of Origin was on) "Peter, how many halves are there in a football game?" Took her aged to realise why everyone was laughing at her!

Was driving up the highway the other week when DD2 (15) suddenly started screaming. Pulled over in a panic to discover she'd been drinking frozen coke and needed to breathe. She forgot she had a nose so opened her mouth, resulting in a crotch full of frozen coke. She was wearing shorts at the time. I really wasn't surprised as she does that sort of thing a lot.

My best one was transferring all my holiday spending money onto a prepaid credit card then going on holiday without the card :( that wasn't easy to solve as we were holidaying in Turkey.

Got off a plane in Reykjavik and discovered I'd left my wallet in Gatwick branch of Boots.