To ask what the stupidest thing you've ever done is?

[RentANDBills]

In very pathetic excited about the new whisk I got today and decided to make some pancakes.

In my enthusiasm I forgot the basic laws of physics and plunged said whisk into a full jug of milk and eggs, plastering myself and the kitchen in mix. Seriously, the place was covered.
Contemplating my choices, I cleared it all up.
This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that I then immediately did the exact same thing again. I'm now dripping with eggs, milk and shame wondering why people pay me to look after their children when I clearly need full time supervision myself

please tell me your stupidest stories, I suspect I'm the worlds biggest plonker right now

My list is long I am a walking disaster area
Left my bags of shopping on the bus when I got off and had to run after the bus.
Managed to miss my mouth when I was drinking a mug of coffee no I've no idea how I managed to do it either and poured a good half of the mug down my front.
Managed to set fire to my oven gloves by leaving them next to the cooker and I hadn't switched the gas ring off properly. Luckily I was still in the kitchen.
Didn't check my pockets properly and put trousers in the washing machine with concert tickets still in the pocket.
Also I did the thing where my DH had left his phone at home and I texted him on the said phone to tell him.
Left my house keys sticking out of my front door lock and went off to work.
Many, many more things I'm sorry to say
Never left my kids in their pram in a shop though ( unlike my mum who left me in the post office and was half way home before she realised).

As a student I tried to freshen up my hair after a (pre-smoking ban) midweek night out by spraying it with about half a bottle of febreze before going to bed. I think the idea was to be all fresh for lectures the next day, but in the morning it was all crusty and it took ages to wash it all out!

Warwick I think I'm in love with you. Actually crying here. Best thing I've read all year..

icando

Drained the water off a pan of rice into a serving dish, then chucked the rice away. I was bloody starving too!

Stapled my thumb.

Friend didn't understand how I'd done it so I tried to demonstrate - stapled my thumb again.

Sniffed a flame. Total moment of madness. Wanted to see what a flame smelled like...burned my nose. Obviously. No lasting damage but was really sore.

Drove out the garage one morning without checking the remote control had worked and the door was actually open...no damage to the car, slight dent to one of the metal bars on the door. DH reacted quite well, just looked at me like this for the rest of the day.

Next day I did it again .

DH's birthday, and I am trying to make a posh treacle tart.

Heston Soddingface Blumenthal in Perfection says that you can 'age' golden syrup by putting the can in the oven on the lowest setting for hours.

I, stupidly, decide to follow this advice.

After 25 minutes, there is a large bang. The tin has exploded, hot sugar is everywhere, and has put out the gas burner.

To fix it, I have to get a new burner installed. £50. Most expensive non-existent treacle tart ever.

Never, ever going to do another Heston recipe from that stupid book!

In my O-level year at school I was a prefect and we could go to the prefects' room at break for a cuppa. I left my milk out on the shelf one Friday thinking it would be all right Monday. It wasn't. It was stinky cottage cheese.

You would have thought an A-grade biology student would know that, right?

Living in shared uni accommodation I came out of the shower and put a dressing gown on. Then went into kitchen and lit gas to boil kettle. Set my dressing gown alight so quickly took it off and snuffed out the flames - I had been half asleep but there's nothing like setting yourself on fire to really wake you up! Had to walk back naked to my room, smelling singed and without tea.

shovetheholly that Blumenthal suggestion is at best irresponsible and at worst downright dangerous - why don't you copy the page to Tate & Lyle (or whoever owns them nowadays) and see what they have to say about their tins of golden syrup being put in the oven?!

I went away for the weekend in boyfriend's car. Leaving my handbag containing purse, keys, everything, on the front seat of my car. Which was parked in the street in front of my house. Fortunately car was still there with handbag & everything intact.
I wanted to get in the loft but didn't have a stepladder. So I dragged a small table from the study onto the landing, then hoicked a chair on top of said table. Fortunately I stopped myself before climbing up.
I believed a solicitor when he said I would get thousands suing the NHS.

Hired a bike for a couple of days on holiday. Came home, got on mine to cycle to work. Forgot my bike is fixie and only has one brake (on the right hand side). Cycled into a lamppost and then sat on the floor, sore and confused and trying to work out why the stupid thing didn't stop when I squeezed the left handlebar.

For some reason I thought he was a bin.

yep, the whole finger. 5 hours of surgery, a week in hospital and now I have a zombie finger.

DP would like to add that he stuck his finger in a blender once to see what would happen. it ripped his fingernail off and flung it across the kitchen.

Locked myself in the house

Me and dh hadn't long moved in, dh went to work I locked the door after him the lock was stiff but I thought it's ok I'll get it open Could I fuck! Nothing would unlock the door, nothing.
I had to call dh explain I was locked in and after he'd checked a million times I was locked IN not out he came and rescued me. I made my Jon interview by 4 minutes

Superglued my finger to my nose. Sadly, I was not 3, but 34 and at a primary school in my official capacity and I was with the headteacher. She did her best not to laugh but was ultimately unsuccessful

Oh God that reminds me...when my eldest was five months old (and I was no doubt sleep-deprived and feeling fragile) I tried to blend up some carrots for her - trouble was they were woody and refused to soften. I ended up with a load of hairy orange stuff clogging the blender blades which I then tried to clear with my fingers...

You can guess what happened next. A&E, an op to reattach a ligament and several weeks with my (fortunately) left hand in a splint. Let's just say I learned the hard way to take the attachments off the hand blender the minute I stop using them.

my mum who left me in the post office

Yeah . . . I tried that one, too, but they sent someone after me.

Anybody who puts snails in porridge should be avoided IMO.

Licked a fly Zapper bat to see what would happen... (age 48)...Put a knife with butter on it into a pop up toaster got electrocuted (age 15), cutting stew with one of those double electric bread knives, cut my thumb half off, hospital had to stitch it back on! (age 28) ahh me and electrics

Got into the passenger seat of my car when I was trying to drive away from a patient's house after a home visit

Reversed into a lamppost outside another patient's house when there for a home visit - it gave him
a laugh anyway

I am on holiday in Europe and doing a fair bit of walking in a village with somewhat reckless drivers. No matter how many times I intentionally remind myself to look right before crossing the street, I forget and look left and have almost been run over a few times now. As if stepping out in front of a moving car once wasn't enough.

Love these threads

I was 16/17 just left a night club said buy to some friends turned round the corner walked a few metres and two men were beating a lad up. The lad was laying down and they were full on kicking him. I go up to these huge men, shout at them of course they don't listen come over to start on me so I fight black they then try to steal my bag. Luckily a car pulled up and some men get out and the two men run off. I tell the men to call an ambulance and carry on home! What was I thinking! I will be my daughter's personal taxi forever