To ask what the stupidest thing you've ever done is?

[RentANDBills]

In very pathetic excited about the new whisk I got today and decided to make some pancakes.

In my enthusiasm I forgot the basic laws of physics and plunged said whisk into a full jug of milk and eggs, plastering myself and the kitchen in mix. Seriously, the place was covered.
Contemplating my choices, I cleared it all up.
This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that I then immediately did the exact same thing again. I'm now dripping with eggs, milk and shame wondering why people pay me to look after their children when I clearly need full time supervision myself

please tell me your stupidest stories, I suspect I'm the worlds biggest plonker right now

When younger I was trying to show my little sister that I could ride my bike with my eyes shut. I managed it for a while then crashed into a lamp post and cut my knee v badly. A man came out of his house to help me thankfully. When I started my a levels I recognised the man teaching me. Turns out it was the same chap!

When I was a teen I was going on a trip with the youth club, and we went in an old mini bus that had a fan in the roof of it. Well I wondered what it was and what would happen if I stuck my finger in it blood that's what happens, a finger cut to the bone and blood sprayed everywhere

When pregnant, I took the pan of boiling pasta off the gas hob, strained it through a plastic colander, poured the pasta back into the pan and neatly placed the colander onto the still lit hob.

So far, so stupid. What was really stupid was how long it took me to figure out what I'd done wrong. I was looking from the pan to the melting colander for several seconds thinking "Hmm. Something's not right..."

Heavily pregnant with ds, craving macaroni cheese. But the sauce lumpy so I decide to strain it through a sieve! Right down the waste disposal! I cried for hours! Dh and Dd didn't know what to do.

Arrived home pre children. House was in darkness. Key wouldn't work, tried the handle and it opened. Panicking that I forgot to lock the door. Realise the house alarm isn't on, hear a noise upstairs, scream loudly and run and hide in the car.

Hear a knocking on the window, it's my neighbour. He asks what's wrong. He laughs and points that dh's van is parked in its space and that he's in the house.

Feeling adventurous, I decided to make my own chicken kievs.

Using the hand blender, I tried making my own bread crumbs but the bread was too soft so clogged the end up. Instead of switching it off, I used my finger to scrape the bread crumbs but pressed the button at the same time..nearly passed out and rang dh up at work crying..god knows what he did was going to do..

Last month whilst descaling my coffee machine. I went to give it one more run through with clean water, used the jug to fill the reservoir, switched it on and put the jug on the draining board instead of underneath the water outlet. When I heard the final gurglings and hissings as the reservoir emptied, I returned to the kitchen to find a very wet counter top and floor.

A few years ago I tested the serrated blade of a (cutlery) knife in the shop with my thumb. Had an inch-long cut that really hurt for about a week afterwards.

Twenty-odd years ago when I was in a band, I emptied my bank account to buy a mini mixing desk with a built-in tape deck. I lugged it back to our bandroom and up the stairs. I then ignored the sensible voice in my head telling me to put it down while I fiddled with the lock on the bandroom door but no, I tried to balance in on my knee. So, predictably, it fell, bounced down a flight of stairs and I now had a battered metal box full of rattling plastic scrap. I sat down and cried and cried.

In my mid-teens, cycling down a long steep hill and going quite fast. I decided that now was the perfect opportunity to straighten up my front mudguard by pushing it into place with my foot. One toe of a shoe into the spokes later and I'm sprawled on a grass verge badly winded with an assortment of bruises and a pair of front forks that are now bent the wrong way. I claimed I had to swerve to avoid a loose dog in order to hide my shame.

One by my dad when I was little. He decided that stirring a tin of paint by hand was for chumps so got his electric drill, drilled down into the end of a narrow piece of wood and, using said 'paddle' to stir the paint. Only, the edge of the wood caught the underside of the lip on the paint can and flung the tin across the kitchen, splattering paint everywhere. My mum nearly killed him.

When I was a teenager..I pushed a piece of glass into the back of my hand and dragged it...in an attempt to prove to my friend that it definitely wasn't sharp

In my (slight) defence I was drunk. But even that is no excuse for the stupidity.

I have a horrible scar to this day to remind me of my stupidity in youth. It comes up fairly regularly in conversation as the scar is so noticeable.

As a child ( still old enough to know better ) I put my knee between some railings in a very busy shopping centre. Couldn't get my knee out again and had to wait half hour for the fire brigade. Touched a glowing electric ring to see if it really was as hot as it looked..... Yes it was. More recently withdrew £150 from a cash point and walked of leaving the money. Luckily an old lady was behind me and followed me with money. Dh is a nightmare though and had done some truly funny stupid things. His nickname is frank spencer

Sitting in my front room, I swatted a wasp with a notebook that had a gel pen clipped to it. Somehow the pen flew apart and sprayed black, black ink onto two walls, the door, the floor, the coffee table, my skirt, the couch and the rug!

It took bloody ages to clear up - the ink was wet, so wiping it spread it further and further. I ended up having to bleach the floor, walls, door and table.

Dh was polishing his shoes, and wanted to heat thenpolish (his brother had been in the Army, and had taught him this was the best way to achieve a high shine). Instead of doing what his brother used to do - heat a bit of polish in the tin lid, with a lighter, he decided to go high-tech and use the microwave. When you microwave shoe polish, it catches on fire. Dh hurtled by me, yelling that I should phone the fire brigade, whilst he got the fire extinguisher from the car, to put out the merry blaze in the microwave.

The fire brigade kindly didn't laugh too much to dh' said face - but someone told the local paper, and the story turned up in it, the next week. Dh wasn't named - but we knew it was him!

DP was trying to apply sun lotion, one of those continuous spray aerosol jobs, but it was blocked. He rinsed it under some water to clear the nozzle and then looked to check it was clear. Happy it was now ok he pressed the button whilst still have the nozzle about 5 cm from his eye. Oh how I laughed, apparently it stung quite a lot!

Oh more recently I trusted a two year old with a hose pipe. I was filming her watering the plants you can figure out the rest I'm sure

Bought a steam cleaner from a well know department store. It arrived and I couldn't find all the attachments, so I phoned customer services. Now this store is well known for excellent customer service and the lady I spoke with sent out a new one.
The next day it arrived and the courier took the other one away... I opened it and had the same problem! No bloody attachments!!! My husband came home and pointed out that the base of the steamer was removeable and all of the attachments were inside the compartment underneath!
I felt very but in my defense the instructions were all in a foreign language and no English version.
I sent a perfectly working and useable item back...

On the same note as StripeyBlanket. Bought a brand new gaming PC, not had a new one in about 8 years. Took it out of the box and noticed it came with what looked like a screwdriver. Thought oh that's handy if you want to install a new graphics card or something.

Set it all up (it was a Saturday and customer services are closed weekends) coukd not get Wi-Fi to connect. I spent all weekend trying, including taking it all (and the old PC) into the living room so I could connect via Ethernet to go onto the internet to ask online. I was honestly nearly in tears because I knew exactly what I had to do, it just wasn't working.

9am Monday morning I ring up customer services and start complaining it will not connect to Wi-Fi. The nice lady asks me if, when I was unpacking did I come across a little black stick? The screwdriver? I ask. Ahem no, that's the antenna, you screw it in the back. Do so and Wi-Fi connects instantly. Felt like a right Muppet, but in my defence WHY do they not have it in the instructions or already attached?

Another time argued black and blue for about 40 minutes (online chat) with Littlewoods that a bnpl was not showing up that I wanted to pay off. Guy tries all sorts to find out why, I'm adamant it should be there!!! He finally asks if I maybe have another account? Oh err yes, it's my Very account I bought it on (in my defence, they are the same company)
Bet he had a right old laugh when I hung up.

Also rang asda up wanting to change the time of my shopping delivery because something had come up. She couldn't find my order online, took a little while for me to realise I'd ordered it from Sainsburys. I just hung up rather than explain lol.

When I was young (about 7ish) we lived on an incline. I thought it'd be a great idea to lie down on my skateboard face 1st and go down the hill, which it was, until an uneven bit of pavement stopped the skateboard but not me. Massive graze on my chin.

Hope nobody minds me adding these...
Just a few months ago was driving somewhere new, came to a row of traffic, which didn't seem to be moving at all. That's because they weren't, they were parked .
Another time went to wave at someone who let me out at a junction, but my window was shut so I punched it instead.
Threw dd (about 2-3 at the time) over my shoulder into a fireman's lift, but forgot to catch her (she was ok, just a bruise luckily)

Got my finger stuck in a supermarket trolley, cut out by the fire brigade at the entrance of the store which by that point had gathered something of a crowd.

I was in my late teens and was being a bit of a dick to my mum at the time of the incident. I think she evoked some exasperated mum karma from somewhere

I also recently spent a good long while on the phone to santander really annoyed at their incompetence at not being able to talk to me about paying off my loan because they couldn't find any records. Put the phone down then remembered the loan was with nationwide

wowwee my dh blew the microwave clean off the wall trying to boil eggs in it! Then hoovered up the splattered egg from all the carpeted kitchen...so the hoover smelled delightfully of eggy mould when we went to use it again a week or so later.

I have queued politely for an anticipated train, anxious to get a seat when it finally arrived, whilst my actual train was rapidly filling up at the platform behind me.

At the age of 10 I put a carrier bag of school folders on my handlebars because they wouldn't fit on the carrier. Bag caught in the spokes as I was hurtling down a hill, stopped dead and launched me into the road, taking most of the skin off one side of my face. I looked terrifying for weeks, was quite a spectacle.

This is a horrible one so don't read if it will upset you . Got into a black taxi and had a feeling something was not right with the driver and accepted a drink in cab from him. Then blacked out and found myself in the Thames on the embankment with the tide lapping at my face.
I only found out that I wasn't the only one a year or so afterwards ( haven't told anyone apart from partner about this but think about it often. I could have drowned )

Oh god, Silly, that's awful

I've gone from oven to sink more than once with a pot of boiling veggies/ pasta in one hand and a sieve in the other and for reasons I can't fathom have just started tipping halfway through and been very very lucky to have hit the sink in time. (V small kitchen in old house, I've made a mental note to leave sieve by the sink and lift it once I get there in new house!) Also hit accelerator instead of brake in automatic car for no reason at all and gone straight into front wall whilst parking!

I decided to paint my ceiling, but only had a hand-held roller and no step-ladder (yep, I know). I came up with the 'genius' method of sellotaping the roller to a broom handle. Needless to say, after a few very wobbly daubs of paint on the ceiling, the sellotape unravelled and the roller dropped onto my head while also managing to splatter the walls and everything else in sight. DIY is not my thing.

Oh my word silly

I regularly start tipping my tea halfway to my mouth.

Friends and relatives are frustratingly distracted and amused when I'm trying to tell a story.