To ask what the stupidest thing you've ever done is?

[RentANDBills]

In very pathetic excited about the new whisk I got today and decided to make some pancakes.

In my enthusiasm I forgot the basic laws of physics and plunged said whisk into a full jug of milk and eggs, plastering myself and the kitchen in mix. Seriously, the place was covered.
Contemplating my choices, I cleared it all up.
This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that I then immediately did the exact same thing again. I'm now dripping with eggs, milk and shame wondering why people pay me to look after their children when I clearly need full time supervision myself

please tell me your stupidest stories, I suspect I'm the worlds biggest plonker right now

Car was due for its MOT. I drove our other car there as I prefer driving it . Arrived and said "I'm going to be late." Man in Halfords was and I had to explain I'd driven the wrong car there.

Was trying to fit one of those big child locks to our fridge door. I had to put it together first and because it was really chunky thick plastic, I couldn't get the hinge bits to click fully closed. I tried to bite it shut and instead it created a sudden vacuum and sucked the tip of my tongue into it. Then it clicked shut.

Would have been funny but they're designed to be unbreakable once assembled! I couldn't get it off my face, DH tried, DM who lived nearby came rushing round to try. Eventually had to drive to A&E where the receptionist laughed hysterically, as did the nurses.

Ring cutters didn't get it off, neither could the maintenance man, finally it was the emergency dentist who managed to remove it by sanding it away with veneer removal tools. Highly painful and embarrassing. I lost the tip of my tongue, most of my dignity and my favourite cream t shirt (as I couldn't get the blood stain out!).
DH kept the broken lock as a souvenir

I always forget that when I open the oven door it's going to be hot! I once melted my mascara doing it and my eyelashes were all stuck up!

I kmow this is a zombie thread but I wanted to add mine

Set fire to my thumb with thermite

Broke a £700 still at work by dropping it slightly After we had cleaned the limescale off it.

Trusted the wrong person

Reversed into the wall of a synagogue

Also reversed into the drainpipe at my parents

Got out of car..locked it.. to post a handful of mail.. posted car keys in postbox and tried to click open car door on handful of u posted mail

An ex broke my heart and I was so angry I made up a poster with a portrait of his face and posted it on the signpost of his road with the words 'A p*k lives down this road.'

Week after I passed my driving test - parked car front forward in Asda underground car park, next to a column, not that near, I thought.

Reversed out and totally stoved back door into column, not realising how much clearance I needed for it. And I had no idea how to get out of scenario without making damage worse. A very kind South African bloke saw me sobbing my eyes out and managed to get it out of the space without causing further harm.

The really stupid thing was there was a woman parked next to me about to reverse out but chatting on her phone... if I'd waiting 20 seconds for her to finish and leave I'd have got out easily, but I decided I had to leave right at that moment

Husband, fortunately, was really good about it - I thought he'd be furious!

Oh. Christ, there's just so many, it's hard to choose......

I'd been working in a different location and as my sense of direction is pretty shit, I thought it best head back home via the city centre. This was a mistake..... one, I will never forget.

Rush hour traffic and the city centre, after a very stressful day pissed me right off. After a what seemed like an eternity, I looked to my right and saw a sneaky little side street, that appeared to be invisible to every other driver stuck in this godforsaken traffic jam. I recall laughing out loud at my seemingly secretive yet foolproof move as I sped up the dark, empty alley. Not a car in sight! This should have been a warning yet in my excitement of escaping the ridiculously elongated queue, it wasn't. As this "escape" route got narrower and narrower and the tarmac turned into aged cobbles, apprehension slowly crept in. Arriving at the stop sign, I was five two options: 1) Right - taxis only. 2) left - tram track. (Not the ones you are allowed to drive on)

My "wisdom" lead to me to make a 2 second decision, based on the fact I'd get a fine if I turned right, I'd get a fine..... so straight onto the tram tracks I went, in rush hour trafffic. It took me no longer than 4.3 seconds to realise this was one of the biggest fuck ups id ever made. All eyes were on me from both sides of the street, where crowds gathered awaiting their tram home. I frantically tried to find a way off the tracks but just could not think straight, at all. Sheer terror filled my body. I was just approaching a bridge, when I appeared to see sense. I knew if I went further, I'd be stuck as there was just gravel surround the tracks up there.

Slamming my foot on the brake I screamed "No, no, no, no, no!" before turning my music off, the dulcit tones of Bob Marley were unhelpful at this point, very fucking unhelpful "don't worry about a thing..." Really???? I then vividly recall thinking "if I sit here long enough, the police will save me, they'll appear in a helicopter and pluck my little mini off the tram tracks and hoist me away to safety. Absolutely ludicrous! The tram horn echoing through my body shook me into action. It was behind me and the only way forward was onto that bastard bridge.

A nifty three point turn and I was going back up the track, heading to where I started. I once again past astounded crowds and one smart arse who found the whole escapade highly entertaining. He ran beside me, recording the whole sorry saga. I turned away muttering "yeah, yeah it's fucking hilarious." Then the tram stopped and the tram driver got off and informed me can't stay on here love." I spoke in complete gibberish, telling him I couldn't get off. He looked around, before offering me an escape route.

Without thinking, I shot off to the right and missed a bus by mere seconds. The bus driver pulled up beside me and opened his doors.... I was expecting a real bollocking and was ready for anything as I was "alive"...... "are you ok love?" He asked my kindly. Again, I spouted complete and utter garbage, in my defence and apologised profusely.

I couldn't laugh about this for 72 hours. Everybody else did though....profusely. I didn't get a fine though....