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Original poster

To ask what the stupidest thing you've ever done is?

258 replies

RentANDBills · 26/10/2016 14:20

In very pathetic excited about the new whisk I got today and decided to make some pancakes.

In my enthusiasm I forgot the basic laws of physics and plunged said whisk into a full jug of milk and eggs, plastering myself and the kitchen in mix. Seriously, the place was covered.
Contemplating my choices, I cleared it all up.
This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that I then immediately did the exact same thing again. I'm now dripping with eggs, milk and shame wondering why people pay me to look after their children when I clearly need full time supervision myself Blush

please tell me your stupidest stories, I suspect I'm the worlds biggest plonker right now

OP posts:
heron98 · 31/10/2016 13:11

When I was about 16, I came downstairs in the morning to find our cat had deposited a dead rat at the bottom of the stairs.

I didn't want to touch it, so got the snow shovel from the shed and scooped it up and slung it over the hedge.

Unfortunately my neighbour happened to be driving by just at the moment I slung it, and ended up with a dead rat splattered across his windscreen.

biggles50 · 31/10/2016 15:41

Going back years but dh rang the midwife to say I'd had a "show". She told dh that I should inspect it and tell her the colour of it. Headed back to the bathroom, scooped it up, dropped it and the dog eat it in one gulp. Dh had to explain this to the midwife.

browncushion · 31/10/2016 21:02

Took the lid off a tinned treacle sponge using a can opener. Lid had treacle all over it which looked yum. Put the whole lid into my mouth to lick off the treacle. Lid was sharp all around the edge. Very sharp. Looked like I had an exceptionally wide smile until the cuts healed.

Plugging a small pocket-typeTV into a plug socket in a holiday home. Needed to put wire round back of lamp on bedside table. Pulled end out of tv and put it between my teeth to free up both hands to lift lamp. Electric shock through the teeth smarts a bit!

whirlygirly · 31/10/2016 21:18

I've got loads. Broke both big toes demonstrating different handstand landings to ds. Had to go to work in flip flops.

Only last night I somehow flipped an entire can of ice cold coke upside down over me and the brand new sofa.

And there was the time I left my handbrake off and totalled 2 other cars in the office car park. That one was a particular treat.

I shouldn't be allowed out unsupervised.

AutumnSunday · 31/10/2016 21:39

Ooh the tin can reminds me of the time I stood on a chair to get to an empty strawberry tin which was in the kitchen window sill. For some reason unknown to man, woman, child my 6 (or thereabouts) self decided it would be cool to stick her finger into the can, only problem was half of the metal lid was still attached, finger wouldn't come back out.

A few stitches later and forever a bump on my forefinger I lived to tell the tale.

LuluNTutu · 31/10/2016 21:45

On way home in the early hours DH suggested stoping by the "24/7 Shop" to get milk. My response: Do you think it will be open this late?

It took me a full 30 seconds to get why he was laughing at me.

whirlygirly · 31/10/2016 21:59

In one week I dropped my car keys right into the middle of a big flower display in Tesco and then in a freak accident posted them through the coupon slot in the self service machine at the co op. The man had to fetch a special key.

shovetheholly · 01/11/2016 08:28

At work, we had a tiny kitchen with a dishwasher just behind the door. If you didn't really push it, the door of the dishwasher wouldn't shut properly and would occasionally ping open, effectively making it impossible to get into the room. Everyone was really trained to close it firmly.

So one evening, I was the last one in, working late, and just went in to put my mug in the dishwasher and turn it on. And guess what - I didn't shut the door on the machine. So I managed to lock EVERYONE out of the kitchen. What is more, the big boss had a VIP guest the next day who would need coffee first thing.

I a panic about this, I realised that I could unscrew a glass window in the door, reach in and close the machine, and then replace the glass and no-one would ever need to know. So I got a screwdriver and unscrewed the frame. Unfortunately, I hadn't taken into account the fact that loosened glass required a suction device to remove it forwards. Otherwise it could fall either way. So the pane wobbled for a second, then fell inwards and smashed all over the kitchen floor.

To make matters worse, along with the VIP guest we had a health and safety inspection first thing the next day, at which I had to fess up in front of the entire team that I'd not only managed not to shut the dishwasher properly, but had subsequently vandalised the glass door as well. Blush

daisychain01 · 01/11/2016 17:30

Car keys thrown out with the rubbish in wheelie bin. Just retrieved them before the bin men arrived [phucken phew nearly cost myself £200 for new key fob].

running watch in fridge salad drawer for 3 days.

OnlyTheDepthVaries · 01/11/2016 19:46

Do you remember the shiny purple foil that was wrapped around Cadbury chocolate? I once unwrapped the chocolate and folded the foil in half. I carefully ran my fingers along the fold to make the edge sharp. I decided to test how sharp...by running it along my eyelid!
Reader, it was sharp....and I had a super cut to prove it.

flapjackfairy · 01/11/2016 21:32

I swallowed a pessary for thrush when on holiday! It was only afterwards that i thought blimey that was a big tablet and then had a horrid thought and read the leaflet!
My sister laughed for days!
On the plus side i didnt die and thrush cleared up nicely!!

user1468353179 · 06/12/2016 23:27

The first time we had a barbeque my H decided that it had gone out as the charcoal was grey and ashy and the flames had gone . "It is dead" he shouted to me as I remarked I coud feel the heat. He then put his finger in it!!!

Rabidu · 15/12/2016 21:31

Back in my teens, not long past my driving test. I go round a roundabout an up the slip road to join the duel carriageway, my friend asks why am I going this way as the other way is quicker. I realised she was right, promptly reversed back down the slip road and around the roundabout. Luckily it was late at night so not many cars around!!!

Another one... Had some friends coming round for dinner, an keen to impress with my cooking skills I decided to make a baked cheesecake. Knowing how messy it can be to get out of the cake tin, I lined it with clingfilm and popped it in the oven.

izzybobsmum · 23/12/2016 12:02

Not me, but my DH. We were trading in both our cars for one new one to share. We drove them over separately to the dealership on the day we were due to pick up our new car. I got there first, parked in a space, went inside to start the paperwork.
DH arrived and for some reason thought it would be easier for the garage if he parked his car next to mine. Except as he pulled in, he somehow drove straight into my car, causing £1,500 worth of damage!
Needless to say, we didn't get to take our new car home that day, we had to leave mine behind it was so badly damaged, claim on the insurance and wait until it was all sorted out!

Teutonic · 20/03/2017 23:32

Told DH if I wasn't in when he came home from work, I would be out.Hmm

Was redecorating the kitchen and moved the hamster cage onto the electric hob. I must have caught the control as I went past. I was painting merrily away and thought I could smell something smouldering. Turned round to see the cage bottom rapidly melting.
I was half expecting to see the hamster Sat blowing on its red toes while giving me the ' You stupid cow' look.Confused Fortunately, it didn't seem to have come to any harm with its impromptu cremation. Unlike the cage.

Teutonic · 20/03/2017 23:35

Oh, and for some unknown reason, I threw a load of dirty laundry down the loo instead of into the wash basket.

How am I even a human?Hmm

Lorddenning1 · 23/08/2017 18:26

My mum was making custard and asked me to get her a pint of milk, so off I trot to the fridge, gets a pint of milk and then proceeded to measure the pint of milk in a measuring jug, she just stared at me hoping I would realise what I had done (she had to tell me)

HulaMelody · 03/09/2017 21:21

May be outing...but when I was a toddler I stuck my hand into a portable electric fire to see if it was hot. Five months in hospital with awful ops, physio, skin grafts etc. It's a talking point now.

I was lying on the couch once and tried to pick up the house phone with my feet. Lifted it up,right above my head, and it slipped out of my feet and cracked my forehead.

Countless other small injuries due to an inability to ignore the little voice that says 'wonder what would happen if...'

My DH has killed several lawnmowers through idiocy.

HulaMelody · 03/09/2017 21:23

I also lost my mobile phone for a few days. I noticed at the same time my car wasn't braking properly. Took a good few days to connect the dots and check under the brake pedal, the phone had fallen down underneath.

mummymummums · 03/09/2017 21:32

Bought a tin of paint for living room and lodger came in. Wanted to show her so picked up tin either side and gave it a hard shake, thinking it might have 'separated'. Lid flew off and paint went over my head, clothes, shoes, settee, carpet and everything within 6 feet. I just had to stand still while lodger and my boyfriend wiped me down. Carpet had to come up, and had to get new settee too Blush

Ladygaggia · 05/09/2017 15:51

Oh god, so many things...I'm a walking liability

Once, at school in the library; the librarian was not at her desk and as I waited, I picked up the date stamper and decided to date stamp the back of my hand.
I pushed it into the skin and then watched in horror as it turned round within itself and dragged the skin up into the contraption.
I managed to release myself before the librarian returned!

Sat on a metal railing outside my brother's school - hooked my feet around the rails for stability - leant forward and lost my balance. Feet stayed where they were and I headbutted the ground and suffered the indignation of being stuck, skirt over my head until someone helped free me.

PollyFlint · 05/09/2017 22:02

Before the days of internet banking etc I tried to clear the overdraft on a bank account of mine by writing a cheque to myself. Which would have been fine if the cheque hadn't been from the same account.

strongasmeringue · 09/09/2017 10:58

Sent a text to dh phone to tell him he'd left it behind.
Rung dh on his mobile to tell him he'd left it behind.
Put my full palm on the hob ring to see if it was still hot. It was. Our new hob tells me when it is still hot and how hot.
Told someone they were dead to me when I still loved them.

MrsGotobed · 09/09/2017 11:06

Shut my head in a car door (as in I was the one who slammed the door shut on my own head Confused )

houseofgiants · 09/09/2017 11:41

Out walking with kids and dh. Told kids to be careful of electric fence, dh said it wasn't electric. So I said yes it is and grabbed it .... I was right Blush

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