I woke my DH up at 4am this morning

[momb]

By rolling over so my face was a couple of inches from his, and hissing 'Push it NOW or we're all going to die!' in a venomous stage whisper.
Apparently he shot backwards, waking in terror, fell off the bed, whereupon I awoke and rebuked him for being noisy. I have no recollection of any of this.

Anyone else a sleep talker?

10 at my last count gooseberry...!!

So glad that there are so many fellow sufferers! Mine are too legion to list them all, but these are my favourite two.

Me: Chickens chickens chickens
DH:Mmmmph?
Me Chickens chickens chickens
DH: Eh?What?
Me (suddenly emphatic and leaning right into DH's face) NO! The chicken's name is SEBASTIAN! Right? SEBASTIAN!

Then there's the time I shook him awake, asked him what he was doing, then rolled up my imaginary sleeve, looked at my imaginary watch and chirped in a classic BBC English accent: "Righty-ho then!".

There's been a few stories with chickens - chickens haunt our dreams...

I woke myself up last night shouting "I'm walking down a corridor"

I quite often wake myself or my husband up talking or shouting.

I talk in my sleep and act out my dreams.
DH. (After being woken up to the sound of me rattling the bedroom blinds) Get back into bed
Me I can't
DH Why not?
Me Because there's an old lady in a yellow anorak on the windowsill outside and I need to rescue her!
DH Wake up you buffoon, there is no lady, you're just nuts and you need to get back into bed right now.

And many many more.......

I wasn't quite sleep talking on this occasion, but a couple of years ago I woke up thinking I'd heard someone moving around downstairs. I jumped out of bed, wondering what to do, then went to look over the banister to see if I could spot anyone. Then shouted 'hello', because obviously burglars would reply and start a cheery conversation about what they were making off with.

There was no burglar. I went back to bed.

The next day, dh asked what had happened. According to him, I woke him jumping out of bed while making a hooting sound, then hung over the banister mumbling something incomprehensible. My 'hello' wasn't as articulate as I thought. He was most confused, and I went straight back to sleep without answering his confused questions about what the hell I was on about.

My friends DH sleep talks and once said "ahh. ... trains... wooh wooh (like a train noise)" He's now ribbed for being a sleeping train spotter

3am: loud thump from toddlers room.

Rush in, confused toddler sat up in middle of floor, looking around.
Suddenly realises he is no longer in bed.
DS: Mummmmmyyyyy!!! Bed gone! BED GONE!!!!

I've had to get rid of a duvet set that had pastel coloured silhouettes of birds on it. Reason being it makes me think there's spiders all over the bed. I've made DH leap out of bed a few times where I've jumped up yelling 'SPIDER!' He's not been very impressed.

I talk more than DH. Generally nonsensical, but I have a habit of shaking him awake/punching him or getting up and sleep walking. The one that freaked me out the most was waking up in the middle of the night and panicking as he wasn't in bed. Searched the top floor of the house then went downstairs to see if he was there - started coming round at the bottom of the stairs as I was debating going into the kitchen. Had the foresight to realise if I opened the door and he wasn't downstairs I'd set the burglar alarm off. Went and checked for him upstairs one last time and he was most definitely in bed fast asleep snoring his head off.

The best one of DH's was when we lived in a shared house. He sat bolt upright then started scrabbling down the side of the bed. I asked him what he was doing and apparently he was trying to disarm a nuclear toaster

My ex bf used to sleep walk, usually on the way to the toilet. He peed in a cupboard, a bin, and the washing basket.
The buzzer went off in the flat one time at 2pm. It was him. He had slept walked outside and was standing bollock naked in the carpark.
I had a friend sleepover when I was 16 and she talked all bloody night.
My dad actually got up and went outside because him and my mum thought there were people in our garden.
I pity whoever she married, they mustn't get a wink of sleep.

Dh woke me last week by leaning over me and whispering 'more than one penis is too many to hold' then cackling like a witch. I moved to sleep in DD's bed.

This thread has got me in stitches.

I got up one night to find my DD (8yrs old) in the kitchen. She had buttered four fish fingers and put them in the slow cooker! She had also switched it on and was waiting for them to cook!
She was really upset when I took her back to bed shouting "but I'm hungry mummy and my fish fingers will burn! "
She had no idea in the morning. This thread brought us back some giggles tonight.

Think I'm going to download one of those recorder apps after this

Have namechanged for this.... DH is a terrible sleep walker and talker. I awoke one night to discover him trying to get out of our bedroom window. We live in a 3 storey house and our bedroom is on the top floor. Luckily the window is small and his arse isnt. When I enquired what he was doing, he was apparently 'checking the moorings'.

His party piece is waking me in the middle of the night growling in a really deep almost alien voice: 'Shaaaaaaag shaaaaaaag shaaaaaaaaaag'

One morning my alarm went off and I instinctively punched DH in the head.

He was really aggrieved at me for ages as he didn't think I was remorseful enough. Probably because I laughed after saying sorry

A couple of months ago I had a very vivid dream that I had woken and there was a giant spider sitting atop my hand. I flung my arm out to throw the spider off and leapt out of bed, all in one move....smacking df straight in the face as I flung my hand...
He took it quite well and just turned over mumbling, then suddenly leapt out of bed half asleep and shouting "hang on, WHAT ARE YOU JUMPING FROM, WHERE IS IT, WHERE IS IT" thinking it was a snake 😂😂

Once I dreamt my alarm had gone off, went & had a shower, got dressed & only realised it was 4am instead of 6.30am when I twigged it was still dark outside the kitchen when I went to make coffee

I went back to bed & then overslept because I'd switched the alarm off when I'd dreamt I'd heard it

Just remembered another thing that happened when I was a student living in a shared house. My bedroom was at the front of the house and another female housemate had the room at the front. The bathroom was halfway between the two rooms along a narrow landing.

On the night of my birthday I was awoken in the middle of the night by a man crawling into bed with me. At the time I was being semi-stalked by a guy I'd briefly got off with at a party, so my first (slightly horrified) thought was that he'd come to give me a birthday "surprise" and my housemates had let him in. I leaned over to switch on the light and came face to face with a completely bollock naked man I'd never met, who was in the process of waking up and squinting at me in bewilderment, swiftly followed by extreme surprise and mortification. He muttered a quick "sorry!" and then shot out of the room without another word of explanation.

I sat there for a moment mulling over whether he might be some kind of fetish burglar, who broke into peoples' homes and then tried to snuggle up and spoon them...and then reached the far more likely (and, it turned out, correct) conclusion that he was my housemate's new squeeze and had sleepily taken a wrong turn on his way back from the bathroom.

Apparently he climbed back into bed with her and said, without prompting, "I never touched her!!"

He beat a VERY hasty retreat in the morning.

My dad used to sleep walk when he had a drink. The best ones were when we came back off holiday and he'd go to the loo and get lost on the way back to the bedroom. Mom had to fish him out of both kids bedrooms, my brothers wardrobe and the airing cupboard. She caught him trying to pee in their walk in wardrobe once, he thought it was the caravan en suite.

Massive typo...my room was at the BACK of the house. D'oh.

As you were...

"Aaah...horses..."

That has tickled me so much 😄

I once clearly remember going to bed in pyjamas yet I woke up in nothing but a pair of 8inch silver stilettos that had been hiding at the back of my wardrobe since a fancy dress party at least a year before.

DH is a wonderful sleep talker. Recently I was awoken to him tapping the bed, when I watched and listened, turns out he was playing pool in his sleep and was congratulating the other player on 'great shot mate'. (For those that don't know, in a pool competition you have to be quiet so it is courtesy to tap the edge of the table rather than say anything when someone does something good).

And to totally out myself, at a festival a few years ago, sharing a tent with lots of people due to their tents flooding, DH shouts 'CHEDDER' at the top of his voice and then carries on snoring.

OH is the prolific sleep talker in our house, with by far his best moment being when he was, "looking for the red connect four trousers" .

I've been woken up several times in the night hearing him in the shower because he'd dreamt his alarm had went off and was therefore getting ready for work at 2am!

His creepiest moments though are when he's dreaming about being at work, and will introduce himself to me (completely full titled "Dr OH'sSurname") before informing me he's about to take my blood! Takes bedside manner to a whole new level my OH .