I woke my DH up at 4am this morning

[momb]

By rolling over so my face was a couple of inches from his, and hissing 'Push it NOW or we're all going to die!' in a venomous stage whisper.
Apparently he shot backwards, waking in terror, fell off the bed, whereupon I awoke and rebuked him for being noisy. I have no recollection of any of this.

Anyone else a sleep talker?

I was stroking the dog in bed, but I kept getting to a strange bit on his back. I returned to it time and time again and absentmindedly thought we'd better get him to the vet to have this odd bit checked out.

I was stroking DP. Enthusiastically. The 'odd bit' was his nipple

Love this thread, it's so funny.

When DS1 was little he used to sing or chat to himself in bed before he fell asleep. One night he'd been chatting away as usual then all went quiet and we knew he'd finally nodded off.

Twenty minutes later there was a loud "E-I-E-I-O!" from upstairs, then silence again.

I think he must've been learning to sing Old McDonald had a Farm at nursery

LovelyFriend I am Henry's proud God parent. My friend and I laugh ourselves silly over that call...I was mortified at the time when she told me about it though..

My DS was always busy at night, sleep walking, sleep talking. He would appear downstairs after we'd put him to bed and talk all sorts of nonsense fast asleep. We were once on holiday abroad and woke up to tapping on our bedroom window at 3am. He had rolled his bedding up into a ball and let himself out of the apartment which locked behind him and found himself stood out in the complex with it tucked under his arm. He was about 11 years old.
He once fetched me in the early hours to show me how he'd built a very complex wall and tunnel system out of his bedroom furniture and belongings and 'couldn't get out'

Lord of the tits had me crying with laughter

I once woke up to dp giggling in his sleep....

Me: What you giggling at?
Dp: Haha you said Piss & chips, it's not piss and chips it's fish and chips
Me: errr what now?
Dp: (angrily) don't you tell me to piss on my chips, I want fucking vinegar

He doesn't even like vinegar.

One night recently I woke up because the bed kept shaking. It was dp making running and kicking motions with his legs, I kept trying to prod him awake to stop him but it went on for ages with the occasional giggle. I went to sleep on the sofa. In the morning I asked him what he was doing and he said he got all embarrassed and said all he could remember was dreaming about playing with the dog.

My very quiet, gentle DH has very violent aggressive dreams that involve a lot of shouting and swearing. The best bit for me (when I am not shaking and sweating after being woken from my sleep by him screaming 'fuck off, fuck off' at the Unknown own attacker) is that his sleep talking is always in his original (Irish) accent, not the English accent he developed when he started school here nearly 50 years ago. If the dream is particularly violent he will shout in a Belfast accent despite never having lived there n

When I was about 18 I woke up one morning,naked and with grass clippings on my feet. My nightie was on the bedroom floor damp with dew

No idea about that night. Freaky.

I used to say various things in my sleep as a child, often 'give me back my slippers' apparently.
I gave my Mum grief for not waking me to say goodbye to me before going away once, only she had and we'd had a full conversation, but I must've done so in my sleep as had no memory of it at all.

I've also given past partners bruises and black eyes from fighting in my sleep, and have horrific dreams where I'm hacking family to death with chainsaws when I'll be throwing myself all over the bed / will wake myself with shifting / screaming! Not great to share a room or bed with!

*shouting / screaming

Guilty of walking and talking. Passed on this gene to the biters..cue random singing, walking and mumbling by half the house.

Arriving naked via the lift into an hotel foyer whilst announcing loudly that "There was no soap in the bucket" was a particularly low point for me

DD1 is the most vocal and regularly sings loudly and then says something random. The most recent was an alarmingly loud rendition of the chorus of 'Love yourself' by Bieber, a brief silence and then "gherkin". She's brilliantly bizarre now-she'll be EPIC by the time she's my age.

DH pushed me to the bed and said in an irate voice 'lie DOWN, Fido.'

I had an anxiety dream I was lost in a strange town, so decided to steal a milk float and drive home. But before I could do that, I had to deliver all the meat. So I got in and looked at the controls. It was a joystick, like a Johnnycabs in Total Recall..
I waggled it to see how much play it had and apparently cheerfully drove DH's dick off up the road...

DP likes to bring up the time I shouted,

"That doesn't mean shit! Everyone knows bulbsasaur in a grass type pokemon."

Apparently I opened my eyes, sat up, turned to him and then went back to bed.

I don't think I'll ever live that down.

I also sleep with one eye half open, also freaky. and proud.

My DH used to be a teacher. I'd often be woken up by him mumbling children's names or talking about lesson plans. One night he sat bolt up right, pointed him finger in front of him and started shouting, telling some children off for being rude and not listening. He then lay down and fell back to sleep, had no recollection in the morning.

Double post grr

I've always sleep talked apparently. Once woke an ex up asking if they wanted cheese and chips with there're cheese Burger 😕 I'd just worked nearly a hundred hours in Four and a half days.
The other day my husband came out with "that's 29pence then love"
He works on a fruit and veg market 😂

Husband has always been a talker.

At bils wedding in Cyprus, he talked so loudly, half the villa got up and went looking for burglars.

This week he's announced that he's "swapped the house for 2 trampolines".

I used to sing in my sleep, don't think I do it so much any more. DH's favourite was when we hadn't been together very long and I woke him up singing 'she'll be coming round the mountain' I also act out my dreams, so I'll often be asked in the morning if I dreamt about swimming, running, that kind of thing, as I've been rhythmically kicking dh during the night.

Apparently I am really bad! Dh has had some amusing conversations with me.

Dh's only encounter was falling out the bed shouting Goal! He'd scored the winner in an important game.

Bloody brilliant!

I have, unfortunately, grown out of my more unusual sleep behaviour. Aged about ten I apparently marched into the bathroom, where my dad was in the tub, and demanded to know where my bed was. Somewhat confused, my dad enquired as to whether it wasn't in my room where I left it. In my best you're-such-an-idiot voice, I replied, "Not THAT one. My OTHER bed."

This thread has made a rather crappy start to the day so much better - thanks all! :)

Apparently, I once sat up bolt upright in bed waving my arms in the air, shouted "RAINBOW!" And plonked back down at equally high speed. Weird.

lol at "RAINBOW!" that's brilliant

My partner once got out of bed and stood in the corner of the room. I thought he was going to take a slash or something in the corner of our bedroom. Thankfully he didn't. But he just stood there shouting to himself in mumbo jumbo.

I said, are you OK? and he just turned round, looked at me, put his arms out and goes "come here, give me a cuddle!"

It was 3am and he had no recollection the next day lol.

Both of mine were on the first night Id stayed overnight with new bf's.

"It's a really big art attack"

"Don't put the dog on the wheelchair you have to put the wheelchair on the dog"

After an unsuccessful trip to IKEA which resulted in my brother and his gf getting lost and coming home after not getting to ikea and having a huge argument, he woke her up in the middle of the night smiling and saying "I love ikea"