I woke my DH up at 4am this morning

[momb]

By rolling over so my face was a couple of inches from his, and hissing 'Push it NOW or we're all going to die!' in a venomous stage whisper.
Apparently he shot backwards, waking in terror, fell off the bed, whereupon I awoke and rebuked him for being noisy. I have no recollection of any of this.

Anyone else a sleep talker?

Lord of the Tits

I have an app that records my sleep talking (as DH finds it fascinating but can never remember it the next day). Highlights include:

"Fingery fingeryfingeryfingery...fingery melty chocolates..."

"Robots will be wanting daggers soon." (terrifying)

"BETTY! Pisscokes... ...missed...me..."

And my fave...
Me: "A journey of...activity."
DH: "What do you mean?"
Me: "In between...the sexy times."

momb that is brilliant! Your DH must have crapped himself!

DS(2) sleep talks / sings. I woke up the other night to an eerie midnight rendition of ring o'roses.

My DH wakes up about once a month, turns lights on and starts looking for something. Behind curtains, under duvet. It's usually a bloody invisible golf ball.

That's preferable to ex who once had a detailed if onesided conversation with my flatmate about his chainsaw.
Whilst naked...

I'm sniggering and getting funny looks from fellow bus passengers.

Lord of the Tits would be an awesome MN name:o

Not sleeptalking, but exBF did this weird thing while rolling over in bed where he had one arm raised, rolled onto his back, transferred an invisible object from one hand to the other and continued rolling onto his other side. Turns out he was dreaming that he was holding a pint of beer and was trying not to spill it

Both myself and my DP sleep talk / walk (although somehow, never on the same night as each other).

Apparently my best was after a big weekend event at work all about the apple harvest, I clearly told him that I 'wanted some appley fun' and started miming how to peel an apple.

His best was me walking up and found him clinging to my legs at the bottom of the bed and attacking his pillow until it fell on the floor! He thought the pillow had attacked him first apparently!

Many years ago we watched 'The Haunting of Emily Rose'. (the basic premise is that as Christ was Crucified at 3pm then 3am is the Devils hour and that is when spirits possess the living, throughout the movie 3am is the theme) That was crap says I. Didn't bother me at all! Load of nonsense!

3am I woke up. As I lay there DH began making a very weird noise in his throat. As I lay there in the dark I convinced myself he was being possessed. Whilst this ridiculous nonsense is going round my mind DH threw his arm around me and pulled me in for a hug. I screamed. He yelled, woke up with a start (clearly not possessed) and I put the light on in sheer terror.

I don't watch scary films now.

Oh, and I once bollocked him for jumping around and shaking the bed. It was an earthquake

I don't talk that much but I do laugh a lot in my sleep.

I also dream very vividly that I hear the alarm going off so I spring up, get in the shower, let the dog out, put the breakfast on, start getting stuff packed up for the day before I realise its, say, 1am.

One night when I was absolutely knackered I fell straight asleep as soon as I got into bed. . DH was obviously awake next to me. I dreamed that the alarm went off so I sprung up and dashed out of the room for a wee. DH followed me like what the fuck?! Turns out we'd only been in bed 40 minutes and DH hadn't even been to sleep yet

I sleep talk. Or rather, I used to. Since having DD I have stopped. Maybe my sub conscious is too knackered to bother?

Anyway, I once rolled over and said to dp, "mmm CHEWY" in my best sexy voice.

When we were camping I awoke to see a huge rat on the floor by my airbed. I leapt on top of DH's bed screaming trying to tell him there was a rat but unable to form any actual words. I insisted he swop beds with me as his was off the ground. Laid there for a while marveling at my near death experience then came to realise that it was pitch black, I couldn't possibly have seen a rat and must have been dreaming. I still refused to sleep on the airbed again though!

I had a friend wake up to another friend pulling her toes, she was dreaming she was taking cigarettes out of a packet. She has also never smoked.

ProcrastinatorGeneral

How does it look??

DH used to sleep talk all the time, it was so much fun. He's stopped now, but ds1 has started (weird genetic switch? Hmm..) I'll go to kiss him goodnight when he's asleep and he'll either punch me in the face or sit bolt upright and say something bizarre. Last night it was "Get off the dog! GET OFF IT!"

We don't have a dog.

Other joys include, "Not you again " Thanks son! "It's too hard, I don't understand it and I won't even try!" "SPIDERS, OH GOD!" "What's red. What, though."

I look forward to it every evening

DH reenacts incredibly long-winded technical issues from work in his sleep, looking for specific bits of equpment, asking me to check screens and read-outs (he always gives me the name of his current assistant) and generally getting tetchy and divaish. He must be hell to work for.

I think I'd quite enjoy a dicussion about nipples on the floor or jack russells for a change.

This thread has made me spit coffee!
DP doesn't spontaneously sleep talk, but if you try to wake him up when he's in a deep sleep you can have fantastic conversations with him.
Genuine sample one from a few weeks ago...

Me: DP, come on up to bed.
DP: No, I can't
Me: Why?
DP: Because otherwise the cats will come, and then there won't be any cheese!
Me: We don't have cats!
DP: (in an ominous voice) No, the other cats. The ones that take things.
Me: Do they steal cheese DP?
DP: No they use it to entrap the micemen.
Me:

He also whimpers in his sleep, it's actually quite distressing to listen to, so I wake him up when he does that!

Just to add Lord of the Tits is just brilliant!
I wish I had dreams like that!

i've tried to chivvy dh out of bed apparently

shook him by the elbows and wafted the covers about saying..." out you go...c'mon! Out, Out!!"
He got out for a wee as I was not for giving up, and I was still insisting "out you go ...hurry up!!" when he got back.

I scream it starts out a low pitch becoming louder, it's weird because I almost know I'm doing it. I'm usually dreaming about ghosts or somebody trying to murder me. Poor dh usually just taps me to wake me up!

Everyone lies on here about laughing with tears running down their faces, but I'm being totally truthful when I tell you I am doubled over laughing and the tears are streaming at this thread.

DH used to talk loads in his sleep. The best was the time when DS1 was a baby and DH shot up asking where the baby was, I told him he was in his cot and pointed it out at the end of the bed.

He replied loudly "don't fucking tell me where my baby is!"

Well you did ask.

I'm the same as BadDoGooder DP's - wake me mid sleep and you'll get some beauties out of me. My Mum could have reasonably coherent (if bizarre) conversations with me - DF says I do the same now, but hasn't provided me with any gems so maybe I'm getting boring in my older age.

DF has a habit of laughing as he falls asleep - as in, light off, he falls asleep disgustingly quick and then as I'm drifting, he'll start giggling - like a girl - he says it's usually because he's having video game dreams.

He's also very proficient at farting JUST as I am about to drift off - usually as we're still in a semi-spoon so I'm close enough to feel it They are always brilliant three toned trumps that then make me laugh.

I sleep talk but mostly sleep walk.

Once a sat bolt upright freaking out, shouting that there was an earthquake. Dh was having a wank

I've also had fights with the ketchup man who got ketchup on my skirt.

Lost count of the times that I've got in the dogs bed, shower, or tried to climb into the washing basket.

Oh, we've also had an exchange to the effect of:

Him: Have you fed the cat?
Me: We don't have a cat, DF.
Him: What am I stroking then?
Me: Pillow (trying not to laugh)
Him: Could you mow the lawn then?
Me: We don't have a garden
Him: Oh. I must be in the wrong house. Is it 1996?

'Jesus Christ, I'm like Lord of the Tits!' has made me cry laughing, as has 'Robots will be wanting daggers soon.'

I can't add any, unfortunately, although my parents say that when I was a kid they'd go into my room to tuck me up and I'd sit bolt upright, fast asleep, eyes wide open, and ask quite aggressively if it was time to get up.

They did a lot of easing me gently back down into bed, I think.

I posted this on another thread a few days ago but it's worth sharing here as well I think! DH doesn't talk in his sleep, but talks complete rubbish in the first few seconds after waking up suddenly when his alarm goes off. The other day it was "7 letters, 50 bonus points!" so I think he'd been dreaming about Scrabble

Love this thread!

I posted the other day about my childhood home which was old and large and full of random creaking/tapping noises at night. So generally scary at night anyway. Once my parents were away and DH and I stayed in the house - he woke me in the early hours by sitting up in bed and shouting "GET OUT! OUT!" I was too scared to sleep for the next, ooh two years!

According to DH I sleep talk about food and food shopping quite a lot. To the point where he's unsure whether I am asleep or actually trying to have a conversation with him. He just tends to answer me to cover his arse. Especially if I mention picnics