Pointless soul destroying ongoing fights with inanimate objects

[HoneyDragon]

The compost bin provided by the council. The bastard. I spent a painful 5 minutes trying to wrestle that fucker shut today before I realised the handle had slipped under the hinge. I won in the end but the fuckers still looking smug in the utility room.

And EVERYTHING in my understairs cupboard works on a rota to pick a fight with me. Sometimes the vacuum and ironing board work together to get me.

What intimate object regularly picks fights with you?

Have you ever finally emerged victorious?

[Savagebeauty]

Yes quiero and hollinhurst
I am not alone.
He won't die.

[RealHuman]

My parents also have a false drawer front just below the kitchen sink. The handles of their kitchen drawers are horizontal metal bars, attached further towards the middle of the bar, with the ends sticking out, if that makes sense. The handle is at exactly the right height to surreptitiously hook itself in my beltloops while I'm washing up and tether me, all unsuspecting, to the kitchen. I only notice when I attempt to move and can't.

And their kitchen cupboard doors are always slightly wider than I think so I hit myself in the face.

Also, my bras hate me and I regularly hit myself in the face while attempting to restrain my (admittedly voluptuous) bosoms.

[HoneyDragon]

My boiler wants me to go out and get a job. No matter how many timers I set the sod to a seven day program that upity ducks tart reverts to a five/two day program and refuses to heat the house from Monday to Friday between 8:30am and 5pm. It maintains its smug innocence by heating the house on Saturday and Sunday when everyone's home

[HoneyDragon]

Uppity fuckstart, not upity Ducks tart

[RealHuman]

I quite like ducks tart TBH.

[RealHuman]

Yoghurts regularly ejaculate on me when I pull the lid off.

[MiddleAgeMiddleEngland]

All the poor abused Henrys on this thread

We have a rug which just won't stay still. It moves diagonally, even when nobody has walked on it. Even when nobody is at home. I'm beginning to think we have a poltergeist with an interest in rugs

My chest of drawers has stood in exactly the same place for 24 years. DH still walks into it regularly

[ifyoulikepinacolada]

I am large of boob and small of ribcage, and the only sports bra that can keep them under control during bouncy exercise is one with about seventeenfriggingmillion straps. It's like a fucking octopus and practically requires tranquilising if i'm to get it on or off with both arms and breasts still attached. I still wear it though. It's like i have sports bra stockholm syndrome. the bastard.

[LittleFishBigOcean]

My dishwasher leaks randomly. If I put tupperwares under it, the fucker doesn't leak but if I forget it knows and leaks skanky water all over the floor and then I go and paddle in it and get soggy fucking socks.

[RealHuman]

All oranges have a tiny juice sac just beneath the skin, precisely angled to project a thin ßtream of acid directly towards my eye.

Also my phone hates me and inserts random German characters occasionally.

[BeeRose30]

We had Henry's cousin James at work and all he did was block and belch out clouds of dust.

A friend thought it would be cute to have a Hetty Hoover when she moved into her first flat, but she turned out to be a lazy slut.

[Goodbetterbest]

Tuppawear (or any brand of plastic boxes with lids).

I fucking hate it. It's out to get me.

WHERE IS YOUR CORRECT LID YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT? why? Why? Won't you stack up tidily in the drawer? Everytime I open the cupboard, you LUNGE at me, scattering over the kitchen floor. I hate you. I actually hate you.

[RealHuman]

pina, your bra and mine must be in the same union. I require a large strong man to assist me in fastening mine.

[carbsfoundme]

The cooker hood; I bang my head against it every time I cook. I've lived in this house for nearly four years but still twat my forehead every time.

Weird thing is, I'm not sure if the resounding hollow thud is my head or the cooker hood

[BumbleTalking]

For me it's my washing up gloves, the bastards always cause me a lot of aggravation

Not to mention trying to put a pizza box etc into a bin that's already mostly full...

[LollipopViolet]

My bed - the corner constantly smacks my knee... :(

I've found my people on this thread, it's not ME, it's EVERYTHING in the house!

[AuntieStella]

The printer!

My DC still recount (all too often and all to gleefully) the precise nature and startling duration of Mummy's language the day I needed something really urgently one morning and attempted to print it before the school run.

And that's just one skirmish in the low-grade guerrilla war it has engaged with me.

[sciaticasucks]

Sellotape

[Roystonv]

The vacuum which always falls on top of me when I am using the hose attachment and the boiler which always turns off just when we are butt naked and ready to step under the shower.

[BeeRose30]

I cannot collapse my drying rack without nearly losing my fingers. Tried it every way possible but it always gets me! I know it's the rack's problem as I can collapse my mum's one no problem

[Quiero]

"WHERE IS YOUR CORRECT LID YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT?"

yes, this.

[YakTriangle]

My ironing board is a right bastard. The slidey notchy bit that adjusts the height keeps breaking so when I try to stand it up, it collapses. Then it just looks at me with an attitude of 'What? You expect me to remain upright and allow you the pleasure of ironing school uniforms? Hahaha. Fuck off.'

[kelper]

This thread is making me cry with laughter at how well some of the posts are written!
I hate my bed. Specifically the pointy fucking corners that never fail to catch me just below my knee :-/
And yes to the sodding plastic boxes, and can I add socks to the mix? I have a bag of odd ducking socks

[ifyoulikepinacolada]

Yes real! How do we take them down? I don't like the thought of dismantling labour unions but under the circumstances...

And yes to tupperware. It gives me the rage.

[Diggum]

Oooh oooh I remembered another one- travel cots.

All of them.

One actually made me cry with frustration once.

But I beat it in the end by slinging the "easily clips into place" ha! central bar over a bed post and hanging my entire body weight from it. Broke the fucker into place.

Can't put it back down now but I don't care because it was asking for it.