Pointless soul destroying ongoing fights with inanimate objects

[HoneyDragon]

The compost bin provided by the council. The bastard. I spent a painful 5 minutes trying to wrestle that fucker shut today before I realised the handle had slipped under the hinge. I won in the end but the fuckers still looking smug in the utility room.

And EVERYTHING in my understairs cupboard works on a rota to pick a fight with me. Sometimes the vacuum and ironing board work together to get me.

What intimate object regularly picks fights with you?

Have you ever finally emerged victorious?

[PigeonPie]

I saw a Henry for sale on one of our local Facebook selling sites earlier - thought of this thread and decided I didn't want one!

[donajimena]

I have 3 henrys 1 hetty and a baby. I think they are ace!

[munkisocks]

My DH. He's inanimate as he barely gets off his arse!

I had a fight with a bottle holder in the fridge. Also with a plastic jug. Victorious with both. My DH still thinks I "dropped" them. Silly boy, they wouldn't have smashed into so many pieces just being dropped

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Away In A Manger
Noooo hoooovering he does,
That bastard Henry Hoover,
Lays down on his side.

Doesn't entirely scan, but you get the idea.

[TheRattleBag]

I keep thinking of more..... this weekend's rage inducer was the hood on my waterproof coat. It annoyed me when I bought it, 'cos despite being a supposedly decent make (Barbour), the detachable hood was held on with the three mimsiest press-studs you've ever seen, so if you looked at it too vigorously, it fell off.

Soon fixed those tricks (well DM did!) by putting buttons on it. But now it just gets in the way of everything. If it hadn't been bucketing down all weekend I'd have taken the fecker off. But instead I had to put up with it getting tangled in my handbag strap every sodding minute. And then no being able to put it up when I needed it. Or get my handbag off me. Argh.

And don't even get me started on the way the press-studded inner cuffs pop open just when you don't want them to......

[MrsJayy]

I bought a jacket in mountain warehouse last year with the flimsiest hood ever i ended up ripping taking it off it never stayed up and the zip holding it on would unzip itsself so id end up wearing a hoodhat

[Mydearchild]

The bastard that is Henry. I hate him. I wrestle with him daily and shout at him but it makes little difference he is still a cumbersome pain in the ass

[Mydearchild]

Ha I hadn't scrolled down to see all the other Henry lovers/ haters. Dh bought one a few weeks ago and thinks it's ace. I think it's crap!

[gatewalker]

Did you know there's a word for this?

Resistentialism

Not that I looked it up because it happens to me all the fucking time.

[BeccaMumsnet]

Hi everyone - we've had quite a few nominations to move this one over to Classics so we're going to pop it over there now.

[OnlyLovers]

YES!
Thanks HQ.

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

Oh well done HQ.

[hudyerwheesht]

Re the unexpected penguin - I know someone whose grandson managed to get a small penguin out of a zoo. No idea how but when his mum unpacked his (wriggling) backpack out it popped. Definitely nothing more unexpected.

[SilentBob]

my local Morrisons store yesterday told me there was a 'surprising item in the bagging area' which I definitely wasn't expecting to hear!

[MovemberSucks]

Is there any more to that story hudyer, a complete transcript of the phonecall that the mother had to make to the zoo perhaps? Was the child barred for life, or just followed closely by security the next time he went?

[Motheroffourdragons]

This is the best thread I have seen. I've been crying with laughter. I don't have a Henry, phew, but I get all the bumps with door handles and cupboard doors. My arms are always black and blue , I also have a vw golf which more often than not lets it's alarm ring when I get in it even when I am sure I have zapped it.
The current inanimate object hating on me the worst is my oven. I turn it on. It looks like it's on. It sounds like it's on BUT IT'S NOT ON. Why? I have done nothing to it so why us it persecuting me? Nothing is being cooked as expected any longer. We will probably contract some serious food poisoning soon.

[OhSoggyBiscuit]

Woohoo, I have a post in a Classics thread!!!

Last night I spent 10 minutes wrestling a duvet back into the right shape inside it's cover whilst calling it every name under the sun. My duvet and I go way back.

[AlisonWunderland]

My favourite post on here is the long list of household objects and how they piss their owner off, followed by "I get on quite well with the toaster"

[MyVisionsComeFromSoup]

Mrsjayy your hoodhat has meant that everyone in my office now knows I wasn't doing any work and was reading MN . The sniggering-causing bastard

[WishItWasSunday]

My parents have a George (Henry's no-good green brother), think it's almost as old as I am, fucker never dies. We don't use him to clean carpets anymore, as we could never get all the water out, and no matter how you mopped his insides with paper towels, once you put the bag back in and started vacuuming, the bag would absorb water for some hidden crevasse, explode and spurt sticky grey dust everywhere. Mum used to scream at him

[reallywittyname]

Our fridge freezer has been engaging us in psychological warfare for five years now. It is very clever - it works perfectly, but every so often it lets off an almighty threatening CRACK! which sounds like a gun going off. It makes us jump out of our skins every time as we never know when it is going to do it. Also it is wired into the wall and because it keeps everything nicely cooled it knows we'll never get rid of it. And being a clever cold fucker it can probably read our bank statements, so it knows we can't afford to replace it anyway.

The first few times it did it at night we were reaching for the cricket bats in case it was drug-fuelled robbers. We're wise to it now, although it's a little bit like having our very own kitchen Cold War. I am hoping to train the toaster to retaliate by pelting it with burnt crumbs but it isn't very good at it and doesn't want to piss off its neighbour, the kettle, in case it chooses to spill hot water on its elements. The microwave is too far away to be an effective deterrent and the steamer can only make a pathetic buzzing noise when it's run out of water. I think our best bet is the coffee grinder - small, but quite menacing in its own grindy way.

[PigeonPie]

There are some times when I wish that MN had a 'like' button. So many of the posts on this thread deserve to be liked :-)

[NotCitrus]

My printer is too clever for its own good - smug fucker can print, scan, fax and photocopy, but refuses to play nicely with others like my computer or the internet. For months I had to email all documents to DP as his computer could persuade my printer to print them out. Final straw was when it finally huffed and condescended to print some pics for me, then again, and again, and got possessed with the spirit of Evil Toner and kept going, despite cancelling on the PC, on the printer, turning the computer off and even turning the printer off!
DP's advice was to unplug at the wall. It started again when he turned it on, until he "stroked it nicely". Then of course having spewed out 100 sheets for no reason, it complained it wanted more ink. Passive aggressive fucker.

Then there's the fridge that goes on strike in the cold, and the demanding dishwasher which beeps every minute when it's finished, because obviously no one ever wants to run their dishwasher at night...

Though only my bathroom door physically attacks me - I swear once a week I open the door in the night, try walking into the bathroom, and brain myself on the edge of the door...

[Moomazoo]

Wow .... It's not just me that thinks Henry is a bastard!!!! You pull him along and he gets stuck the falls over dramatically !!!!
His wheels have no fucking point at all!!!!
Knobhead

[empra]

Showers. Any type of shower. They either throw ice or steam at me - nothing in between.