Pointless soul destroying ongoing fights with inanimate objects

[HoneyDragon]

The compost bin provided by the council. The bastard. I spent a painful 5 minutes trying to wrestle that fucker shut today before I realised the handle had slipped under the hinge. I won in the end but the fuckers still looking smug in the utility room.

And EVERYTHING in my understairs cupboard works on a rota to pick a fight with me. Sometimes the vacuum and ironing board work together to get me.

What intimate object regularly picks fights with you?

Have you ever finally emerged victorious?

[pinkisthenewpink]

Tupperware cupboard......the search for the matching lid or right sized container for the job. Sucks the joy out of life.

[trevortrevorslatterfry]

Oops missmogwi I mean! not mowgli

Have now RTFT. Loving the Henry hatred. We did have a Henry but banished him to DH's work van where he saw out his days sucking up building rubble and dust with a horrible whinging sound. Take THAT you bastard.

[fluffywol]

I thought it was only me who had sleeves/belt loops that hated me and surreptitiously grabbed hold of door handles. Happens several times a day most days. I also have a coat with belt loops that catch onto the handles of shopping baskets; mostly at Morrison's for some reason.

[HoneyDragon]

When I lived with parents my father came home to find two wardrobe doors in the front garden.

This was due my flipping out, they'd come off and twatted me in the face one time too many and were unceremonioniusly thrown out the front door

[MrsP777x]

I live in a GFF. I have 3 airers that are regularly in use and the only place I can have them is in the kitchen.
Me being me, the div that I am. Decided to put the pots and pans in the cupboard next to where the airers sit. So at least twice a day I'm swearing at myself for being a knob and having to move the airers, which results in a sock falling off it, which then causes another swearing attack. I'm also heavily pregnant and my bump seems to hit them too. I love airers but fuck they get in the way.

I threw my last Henry Hoover across the room and smashed him into a million pieces in a hormone induced rage. Although it felt so good to do, I sat down and the smug bastard was still smiling at me, which you can guess... Made the hormone rage 10x worse! Why would you put a smiling face on him!??!!

[AlisonWunderland]

Why aren't the designers of Henry honest about his personality?
Instead of that passive aggressive grin, he really should be sneering or sticking his tongue out.
Or maybe flipping v signs with his vacuumy fingers /accessories

[AlisonWunderland]

My doorbell is evil.

It will chime:
When pressed to test it
For Jehovahs Witnesses
When charity collectors call
On Halloween.

It will not respond to :
The postman
Me when I have forgotten my keys
Any delivery couriers

[definitelybutter1]

I have gone through three ironing boards in a year. Basil Fawlty was an amateur.

We used to have a fucking evil sofa. I hated it. It was DH's grandmother's and was imitation fake leather. If you tried to even hold hands on it the fucker tipped you on the floor. If you breathed wrong it tipped you on the floor. It just looked shabbier and shabbier and kept taking up space being uncomfortable. I had a chance to get a free replacement sofa - twice but MIL had hysterics at the thought.

Then when ds came along and MIL had to actually sit on the fucker while holding on to her precious grandchild the fucking sofa dumped her on the floor. I grabbed newborn ds just in time. She gave us the money for a new one.

[PurpleTreeFrog]

Fucking tupperware cupboard.

[sparkofnaturesfire]

Currently it's the great big fuck off Santa shaped helium balloon in my living room that stalks me around the house.

Every time I turn round it's THERE . I went mental at it earlier but I just got tangled up in it with my flailing arms and legs. It ended up unscathed whilst I looked somewhat crazy.

It's going to be introduced to the sharp end of the scissors later

[Unfairestofthemall]

The highchair tray, everytime I would attempt to attach it, it would never grab both sides and I'd spend a good 10 minutes swearing at it while poor DS sat there thinking he was in trouble. Have since bought a different one and had great fun flinging the bastarding old one into a skip

[JennyOnAPlate]

Lately it's the fucking dyson. I Hoover all the carpets then when I switch it off it deposits everything I've just hoovered up back into the floor.

[AmyGMumsnet]

Another vote for coat hangers.

In particular when they conspire to get themselves into a Wiry Tangle in the wardrobe.

I think 90% of my home based swears are towards coat hangers

[ifyoulikepinacolada]

This is the best thread ever.

Can I also add the slidey sofa cushion? My sofa behaves perfectly normally whenever anybody else sits on it. When I sit on it, the cushion begins to gently glide away from the back of the sofa. It does this in the smallest micro-increments known to man until I turn around to pick up my teacup/wineglass, go to lean back, and with a malevolent little whoosh it slides neatly off the sofa and deposits me on the floor like the snide little fucker it is.

[yoshipoppet]

I had a fight with a piece of lettuce this morning. It obviously DID NOT WANT to be fed to my guinea pig.

[OnlyLovers]

YES coat hangers. Like the velociraptors in Jurassic Park. Small but bristling with painful bits. And they travel in deadly gangs.

Pens that run out of ink (or pretend to) just when you're about to put the decisive clue in the crossword, or need to write a message down quick.

Spoons that leave home. I used to have EIGHT matching teaspoons from a cutlery set and now I have THREE. Is three even legally a set?

My fridge and freezer doors convince me that I've shut them properly but then, when I'm safely out of view, pop open just a tiny bit, just enough to defrost/breed bacteria in everything in them. Like a horse blowing itself up so you think you've done the girth up tight enough but then HA HA, you haven't.

[hudyerwheesht]

Agree with coat hanger rage. Jangly fuckers are always jumping off the rail and coming at me.

The dishwasher beeps at me for no reason - I've read the instruction manual cover to cover without finding cause so I've concluded it's just trying to drive me mad.

My dryer is my biggest enemy though - even when set on low it gets in a panic and beeps and stops drying if the clothes are too damp, leaving me to find still damp and musty-smelling towels in there regularly.

BUT put an almost-dry slightly more delicate item in there and it will turn up the heat and shrink that bad boy (there's no timer) Bastard thing.

I am convinced it hates me and the feeling is mutual.


I'm going back to RTFT now..

[AmyGMumsnet]

Arf at the "deadly gangs" of coat hangers

I've realised I have an even more mortal enemy on the household front and its CLINGFILM.

Image attached of a standard row (not featured: me sticking my fingers up at it calling it a wanker)

[BoboChic]

The internal waste water pipe at the back of our apartment hates us. It's forever leaking into our apartment ceiling, whether or not the leak emanates from the 8th, 7th, 6th or 5th floor (we are on the 4th). Why us?!

[IonaMumsnet]

AmyGMumsnet You've even used the secret Mumsnet-informed tabs on the ends of the box. And the bastard STILL got you!

[CigarsofthePharoahs]

Jenny mine had a weird phase like that. One of it's crappy plastic joints had come loose, so everything I sucked up was spat back out again. I'm sticking with a much more old fashioned design, but at least it bloody works.
We still have the evil dyson, as dh can't bear to part with it. It sits in the corner of my living room as it's too bloody big for the cupboard, staring mournfully at me. I am never, ever going to use it as I know it hates me with such an unbridled passion.
I don't care for the hand dryers much either.

[PassiveAgressiveQueen]

the lids from fruit shoot are in league with the hoover

[hudyerwheesht]

I've had similar fights with clingfilm - I've found there is a direct correlation between the cheapness of the clingfilm and it's lack of co-operation/evilness/ability to attach itself to fucking anything except what your are trying to wrap.

How could I forget my espresso coffee maker? It's not just fighting with me, it's emotionally torturing me. I love it dearly - I couldn't live without it - and how does it repay this loyal affection? By randomly switching off the pump and/or refusing to produce steam when I'm at my most tired.

It hates me - I don't know why, I've only ever loved it.

[HoneyDragon]

I think Yoshi wins for managing to pick a fight with a lettuce leaf

I have the most first world problem confession ever in regards to random bleepy appliances.

I had a Hoover tumble dryer and a Hotpoint washer. Both bleep randomly and often but it irritated me when both were on as the beep pitches were different.

I've moved house and had to buy a condenser drier and paid £49 more than I needed to so I could get a Hotpoint one so the beeps coordinate nicely. I have no fucking clue now why either machine is beeping or why they are summoning me but I've stopped twitching now so that's all that matters.

[HoneyDragon]

Iona the tab thing is a ruse. Nothing stops cling film when it wants to stick to itself. Evil stuff.