Pointless soul destroying ongoing fights with inanimate objects

[HoneyDragon]

The compost bin provided by the council. The bastard. I spent a painful 5 minutes trying to wrestle that fucker shut today before I realised the handle had slipped under the hinge. I won in the end but the fuckers still looking smug in the utility room.

And EVERYTHING in my understairs cupboard works on a rota to pick a fight with me. Sometimes the vacuum and ironing board work together to get me.

What intimate object regularly picks fights with you?

Have you ever finally emerged victorious?

Irons.
Evil bastards.

Will iron any old dark rubbishy top quite happily.
Try it on a pristine white shirt and it vomits all over it.

Bit like a baby.

We binned a printer that was so stupid it kept eating all the magenta colour and wouldnt print in B&W magenta ffs

For me it's my bike chain. First of all having to wrestle it off my back pack (where I carry it dangled off the outside, as it won't fit inside when the backpack is full). So backpack on floor, wrestle keys out of backpack, finally get the key in on the third attempt, the key obviously thinks it is a usb stick and not a key. Then go to pull it off the loop on the backpack, only for the fucker to launch itself out of my hand. Get hold of it again, manage to wrestle it off the bag, which is the point at which, my bike, having been quite happily leaning, decides to launch itself sideways, get the bike back upright, go to put the chain through and then that fucker resists and throws itself sideways. Manage to wrestle it through, go to lock the padlock, which is when that fucker ( who has happily stayed on the chain through all the previous shannigans) throws itself at the ground, while picking it back up, the chain then falls off from where I have looped it through the bike. By this point I just want to cry. small disclaimer, this doesn't happen every time but when it does, grrrr
Oh and 🐧!!!!

Can I add - my bloody reading glasses. I don't know whether they are just really badly made, or if they have used the wrong sized screws, but they fall apart all the time.

The screw holding the bit that holds the lenses together just unscrews itself, the screw pops out, and the lens falls out. I have two identical pairs of glasses - one pair upstairs and one pair downstairs - and both pairs do this.

So far, the lenses haven't broken, and I have always managed to find the screw (which is minute) - and I have bought the right size screwdrivers, so I can put them back together again - but it is a complete and utter pain in the proverbials.

I think they do it on purpose.

The widget that switches the water from the bath taps to the over bath shower attachment gets me every time the little shit. It looks like this and either drowns me or the sodding floor every time one of the kids knocks it and I switch on the bath

When I found out about my husband affair I moved out and in the process bought a Hetty thinking she and I could live together all chicks together. Turns out she's a dirty little slut just like her bro Henry. Anytime any chores to be done she slobs around, falling over herself, sulking, dragging her wheels. She just a hoe.

Earlier this year I declared all-out war on a small but overgrown section of our garden. It promptly went into 'we will fight them on the beaches' mode and bit back by poking me in the eye with a twig. What felt like a bit of dirt in my eye was actually a scratched cornea. 7 months later and the scratch hasn't quite gone yet, despite lots of eye panthenol.

In response to the garden's insubordination I took the nuclear option and got a few garden chaps in to deal with it. Ha, overgrown corner, now you have been exterminated in best Dalek style, you have been replanted with some lovely bushes, a contained bamboo, a row of box, a stone border and a paved bit for the recycling bin. So there. Victory is mine.

Teaspoons. Don't believe it about needing a long spoon to sup with the devil. Teaspoons are Satan's best buddies. Every time I wash up, pull the plug out the sink and turn on the tap to swish the suds away one of the bastards is there lurking - right under the tap. Cue mega spray of water, in my face, down my front, all over the tiles and window. I swear the little turds take it in turns. Where's Uri Geller when you need him?

Bastarding jar of marmite threw itself out of the cupboard at me earlier. It landed on a sharp knife which then flew across the kitchen. It's obviously an elaborate ploy to kill me.

Fecking fucking Henry and I didn't even buy him. He's the hoover that lives at my dad's old house. Smug bastard. also cupboard under the sink. Something always falls out.

God dammed sellotape just can never find the blooming end It has sent me over the edge especially now wrapping christmas presents. Once you've found the end it splits down the middle and u end up with sticky strands of sellotape no use to anyone. Grrr. Got so fed up slung the tape in thr bin and bought a posh tape dispenser which you can use one handed and you never lose the will to live again or the end of the tape for that matter!

We had a Henry (bastard thing) it used to beat me up after I'd inevitably get angry and swear at it for overturning in doorways...I'd retaliate...it was a worthy adversary though, took ten years of abuse before giving up the ghost earlier this year...DH wanted another one! Over my dead body and we now have a light weight Vax which behaves to the point of falling down the stairs and landing on the Henry lover, not that I laughed, karma!

Hate to drag this thread up, but we just took delivery of a new Henry at work.

After this thread, as soon as I saw the box I could FEEL the hate radiating from me towards it.

I'm going to hate him more when I use him, aren't I? And we have no stairs for him to "accidentally" fall down and break :(

Fucking socks. Put into wash as a pair only one ever comes out. This is the reason my mother didn't have an extra child she couldn't face the sock issue. I have inherited this it seems

I love that this thread has been resurrected mere moments after I had a disagreement with the water tank of the Tassimo regarding whether it wanted to go back in the sodding machine or not

I once threatened my sat nav that if it didn't work I'd sell it on eBay before throwing it on the passengers seat in a strop...didn't make it work! Gahhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Haha love it! My drains. They have blocked two years in a row in Christmas week, just as I have run out of spare money to pay an unblocker...this year they got together with the washing machine who split his sodding drainage pipe just as I'd got the drains fixed the MONTH .later...so hey presto water pumped all over the kitchen again, its only because it's too heavy that said washing machine is not heaved through the windae..

I have genuinely just broken the bottom of DS's jumper drawer with the sheer rage. It never fucking closes. I arrange it and smooth it and plan it and still the garments and drawer work together to wedge themselves round the back so I can't close it flush and it drives me CRAZY.

Has anyone mentioned door handles? Grabby little bastards. They wait until I am merrily going about my business with a full load of washing or carrying something breakable and then reach out and yank me back by the sleeve or sometimes skirt pocket.

Someday I'll rip them all off and have knobs instead.