Pointless soul destroying ongoing fights with inanimate objects

[HoneyDragon]

The compost bin provided by the council. The bastard. I spent a painful 5 minutes trying to wrestle that fucker shut today before I realised the handle had slipped under the hinge. I won in the end but the fuckers still looking smug in the utility room.

And EVERYTHING in my understairs cupboard works on a rota to pick a fight with me. Sometimes the vacuum and ironing board work together to get me.

What intimate object regularly picks fights with you?

Have you ever finally emerged victorious?

[RhiWrites]

Has anyone mentioned door handles? Grabby little bastards. They wait until I am merrily going about my business with a full load of washing or carrying something breakable and then reach out and yank me back by the sleeve or sometimes skirt pocket.

Someday I'll rip them all off and have knobs instead.

[CustardLover]

I have genuinely just broken the bottom of DS's jumper drawer with the sheer rage. It never fucking closes. I arrange it and smooth it and plan it and still the garments and drawer work together to wedge themselves round the back so I can't close it flush and it drives me CRAZY.

[Lanark2]

Haha love it! My drains. They have blocked two years in a row in Christmas week, just as I have run out of spare money to pay an unblocker...this year they got together with the washing machine who split his sodding drainage pipe just as I'd got the drains fixed the MONTH .later...so hey presto water pumped all over the kitchen again, its only because it's too heavy that said washing machine is not heaved through the windae..

[hazellnut56]

I once threatened my sat nav that if it didn't work I'd sell it on eBay before throwing it on the passengers seat in a strop...didn't make it work! Gahhhhhhhhh!!!!!

[AmyGMumsnet]

I love that this thread has been resurrected mere moments after I had a disagreement with the water tank of the Tassimo regarding whether it wanted to go back in the sodding machine or not

[KERALA1]

Fucking socks. Put into wash as a pair only one ever comes out. This is the reason my mother didn't have an extra child she couldn't face the sock issue. I have inherited this it seems

[LollipopViolet]

Hate to drag this thread up, but we just took delivery of a new Henry at work.

After this thread, as soon as I saw the box I could FEEL the hate radiating from me towards it.

I'm going to hate him more when I use him, aren't I? And we have no stairs for him to "accidentally" fall down and break :(

[catlover97]

We had a Henry (bastard thing) it used to beat me up after I'd inevitably get angry and swear at it for overturning in doorways...I'd retaliate...it was a worthy adversary though, took ten years of abuse before giving up the ghost earlier this year...DH wanted another one! Over my dead body and we now have a light weight Vax which behaves to the point of falling down the stairs and landing on the Henry lover, not that I laughed, karma!

[mrscee]

God dammed sellotape just can never find the blooming end It has sent me over the edge especially now wrapping christmas presents. Once you've found the end it splits down the middle and u end up with sticky strands of sellotape no use to anyone. Grrr. Got so fed up slung the tape in thr bin and bought a posh tape dispenser which you can use one handed and you never lose the will to live again or the end of the tape for that matter!

[derxa]

Fecking fucking Henry and I didn't even buy him. He's the hoover that lives at my dad's old house. Smug bastard. also cupboard under the sink. Something always falls out.

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Bastarding jar of marmite threw itself out of the cupboard at me earlier. It landed on a sharp knife which then flew across the kitchen. It's obviously an elaborate ploy to kill me.

[grimbletart]

Teaspoons. Don't believe it about needing a long spoon to sup with the devil. Teaspoons are Satan's best buddies. Every time I wash up, pull the plug out the sink and turn on the tap to swish the suds away one of the bastards is there lurking - right under the tap. Cue mega spray of water, in my face, down my front, all over the tiles and window. I swear the little turds take it in turns. Where's Uri Geller when you need him?

[Archfarchnad]

Earlier this year I declared all-out war on a small but overgrown section of our garden. It promptly went into 'we will fight them on the beaches' mode and bit back by poking me in the eye with a twig. What felt like a bit of dirt in my eye was actually a scratched cornea. 7 months later and the scratch hasn't quite gone yet, despite lots of eye panthenol.

In response to the garden's insubordination I took the nuclear option and got a few garden chaps in to deal with it. Ha, overgrown corner, now you have been exterminated in best Dalek style, you have been replanted with some lovely bushes, a contained bamboo, a row of box, a stone border and a paved bit for the recycling bin. So there. Victory is mine.

[Flangeshrub]

When I found out about my husband affair I moved out and in the process bought a Hetty thinking she and I could live together all chicks together. Turns out she's a dirty little slut just like her bro Henry. Anytime any chores to be done she slobs around, falling over herself, sulking, dragging her wheels. She just a hoe.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

The widget that switches the water from the bath taps to the over bath shower attachment gets me every time the little shit. It looks like this and either drowns me or the sodding floor every time one of the kids knocks it and I switch on the bath

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Can I add - my bloody reading glasses. I don't know whether they are just really badly made, or if they have used the wrong sized screws, but they fall apart all the time.

The screw holding the bit that holds the lenses together just unscrews itself, the screw pops out, and the lens falls out. I have two identical pairs of glasses - one pair upstairs and one pair downstairs - and both pairs do this.

So far, the lenses haven't broken, and I have always managed to find the screw (which is minute) - and I have bought the right size screwdrivers, so I can put them back together again - but it is a complete and utter pain in the proverbials.

I think they do it on purpose.

[Room101isWhereIUsedToLive]

For me it's my bike chain. First of all having to wrestle it off my back pack (where I carry it dangled off the outside, as it won't fit inside when the backpack is full). So backpack on floor, wrestle keys out of backpack, finally get the key in on the third attempt, the key obviously thinks it is a usb stick and not a key. Then go to pull it off the loop on the backpack, only for the fucker to launch itself out of my hand. Get hold of it again, manage to wrestle it off the bag, which is the point at which, my bike, having been quite happily leaning, decides to launch itself sideways, get the bike back upright, go to put the chain through and then that fucker resists and throws itself sideways. Manage to wrestle it through, go to lock the padlock, which is when that fucker ( who has happily stayed on the chain through all the previous shannigans) throws itself at the ground, while picking it back up, the chain then falls off from where I have looped it through the bike. By this point I just want to cry. small disclaimer, this doesn't happen every time but when it does, grrrr
Oh and 🐧!!!!

[MrsJayy]

We binned a printer that was so stupid it kept eating all the magenta colour and wouldnt print in B&W magenta ffs

[AlisonWunderland]

Irons.
Evil bastards.

Will iron any old dark rubbishy top quite happily.
Try it on a pristine white shirt and it vomits all over it.

Bit like a baby.

[empra]

Showers. Any type of shower. They either throw ice or steam at me - nothing in between.

[Moomazoo]

Wow .... It's not just me that thinks Henry is a bastard!!!! You pull him along and he gets stuck the falls over dramatically !!!!
His wheels have no fucking point at all!!!!
Knobhead

[NotCitrus]

My printer is too clever for its own good - smug fucker can print, scan, fax and photocopy, but refuses to play nicely with others like my computer or the internet. For months I had to email all documents to DP as his computer could persuade my printer to print them out. Final straw was when it finally huffed and condescended to print some pics for me, then again, and again, and got possessed with the spirit of Evil Toner and kept going, despite cancelling on the PC, on the printer, turning the computer off and even turning the printer off!
DP's advice was to unplug at the wall. It started again when he turned it on, until he "stroked it nicely". Then of course having spewed out 100 sheets for no reason, it complained it wanted more ink. Passive aggressive fucker.

Then there's the fridge that goes on strike in the cold, and the demanding dishwasher which beeps every minute when it's finished, because obviously no one ever wants to run their dishwasher at night...

Though only my bathroom door physically attacks me - I swear once a week I open the door in the night, try walking into the bathroom, and brain myself on the edge of the door...

[PigeonPie]

There are some times when I wish that MN had a 'like' button. So many of the posts on this thread deserve to be liked :-)

[reallywittyname]

Our fridge freezer has been engaging us in psychological warfare for five years now. It is very clever - it works perfectly, but every so often it lets off an almighty threatening CRACK! which sounds like a gun going off. It makes us jump out of our skins every time as we never know when it is going to do it. Also it is wired into the wall and because it keeps everything nicely cooled it knows we'll never get rid of it. And being a clever cold fucker it can probably read our bank statements, so it knows we can't afford to replace it anyway.

The first few times it did it at night we were reaching for the cricket bats in case it was drug-fuelled robbers. We're wise to it now, although it's a little bit like having our very own kitchen Cold War. I am hoping to train the toaster to retaliate by pelting it with burnt crumbs but it isn't very good at it and doesn't want to piss off its neighbour, the kettle, in case it chooses to spill hot water on its elements. The microwave is too far away to be an effective deterrent and the steamer can only make a pathetic buzzing noise when it's run out of water. I think our best bet is the coffee grinder - small, but quite menacing in its own grindy way.

[WishItWasSunday]

My parents have a George (Henry's no-good green brother), think it's almost as old as I am, fucker never dies. We don't use him to clean carpets anymore, as we could never get all the water out, and no matter how you mopped his insides with paper towels, once you put the bag back in and started vacuuming, the bag would absorb water for some hidden crevasse, explode and spurt sticky grey dust everywhere. Mum used to scream at him