Have you ever told a little white lie or there's been a misunderstanding that's just spiraled out of control?

[BillyBullshitter]

This happened to me the other week and has come back to bite me. I fell over on my way to work a couple of weeks ago and got mud up my jeans. No problem as I always have spare clothes in my office for when it's pissing down.

However, on my way in I bumped into a colleague who commented on the mud. I replied and said the dog jumped up at me.

"Oh, I didn't know you have a dog. We must go walking together one time", she said.

Rather than me saying "Oh no, sorry, it was just a random dog" or actually just telling her that I went arse over tit, I went " Ooh, lovely."

I got to my office, shook my head at what an idiot I am and thought nothing more of it.

This morning she has texted me "Hi Billy. Just wondering if you fancy going over the fields on Saturday with the dogs? About 11am."

I have no idea what "the fields" are but assume I would know if I actually had a dog.

I don't feel like I can text back and say it was all an elaborate bullshit to cover the fact I fell over because this makes me look like a knob on so many levels.
So, what are my options here?! Tell her the dog is dead. No, that's horrible. Tell her I'd love to and then beg, steal, borrow or buy a dog in the next 40 hours. Possibly but that's just adding to the lie. I haven't decided.

Tell me your stories of white lie spiraling?

[gabsdot45]

One of my sisters borrowed a cardigan of mine to wear to a family event. My other sisters' granny in law, who is French, admired it and my sister told her it was mine and she didn't fully understand and thought that I had made it so she came over to me and in broken English praised my skills in producing knitwear. I was very confused.

[spiderlight]

I love this thread. I am weeping at Richard and the imaginary excluded seven-year-old!

[CatThiefKeith]

I told my dentist that I needed my crown sorted out before a certain date because I was going to a wedding, when in fact I wanted it done first because I wanted it done by then because that was when my MATB1 form expired.

Unfortunately she misheard that as it being my wedding, and spent my next few visits asking about my 'big day', where I got my dress, what my first dance was etc. I was terrified I'd broken some sort of law and she was on to me, and in the end I was so paranoid I changed dentist!

[Pensfriends]

The receptionist at my DS school calls me Mrs (my sons surname). I've never been that surname but I've answered to it for so long I'm embarrassed to actually correct her.

[Spell99]

How about "I dont have a dog, you sure you didn't mean to text my twin sister?"

[DipsoHippo]

Years ago DH got a new car and let me have his old banger for learning to drive in. I was terrified to take lessons didn’t use it for ages as I was a shit driver so it sat in our drive for months. My sister was going to borrow it for a long journey so DH told me to make sure the battery hadn’t died. I think he must have been away with work at the time, that is something he’d normally check for me… tis a long time ago now.

Anyway car wouldn’t start but I had home-start cover, so rang them. Nice man came out and jump started car, and said to me that it was very low on petrol so I should fill it up and take it for a good spin. Reasonable person would say “sorry, I can’t drive, it’ll have to wait until my sister gets here”. Instead I made up a cock and bull story about having a sleeping child in house, and I couldn’t leave her, and it would have to wait, and was that ok? While looking shiftily over my shoulder into the house. He was and probably thought I was being held against my will.

I don't have a child

[TheCrowFromBelow]

Richard love it.

What's the dog called OP?

[BillyBullshitter]

Katharine Bollocks. I totally didn't think of that. I'm a massive dog lover so it's okay but, yeah, didn't really think that one through....

[BillyBullshitter]

God these are all totally amazing.

TheCrow Dog is a six year old Jack Russell called Jack imaginative. My friend was away with work for a few days so I looked after Jack. We had a great time. Nothing to see here. Let's talk about something else.

[BillyBullshitter]

gab At least said French lady didn't ask you to make her a cardigan similar

[GoEasyPudding]

I still cringe about this one. The back ground to this story is my parents are quite quiet and don't really celebrate occasions by going out.

My Dads 70th was coming up and his sister, my aunt, asked me via text if we were doing anything for it. I said not, as they were off on holiday,(actually true) she replied on the lines of what a shame, why not, how sad, being a bit rude in fact. I replied feeling a little miffed and embarrassed saying we would take them out for meal when they got back (not true as they wouldn't want to)

She replied, great! when is it? I'll be there, etc etc.

Whoops! I then had to tell her she wasn't invited to the meal because it was low key, just us taking them out. She was clearly very offended, but then I got annoyed because she was trying to rudely invite herself and I knew at this meal she probably wouldn't pay her way.

My DH had to remind me it wasn't actually happening and there was no point in getting huffy about something that in reality was totally fictional.

Since then I have detected some passive aggression from her, no birthday card and a very last minute cancellation to meet up. It's totally my fault for lying just because she was slightly sarky on a text. I am such a plum.

[x2boys]

me, years ago i was in a relationship for 5/6 months my name is double barrell say sarah-jane the man i was seeing misunderstood and thought my name was just sarah and persisted in calling me that despite everybody else calling me sarah-jane no idea why i just didnt correct him!

[shutupanddance]

Resign or tell her you gave the dog away as it made you muddy.

[hopelesslydevotedtoGu]

Tell her you had your dog put down for jumping up at you, then she definitely won't ask you to dog sit

[FloraDiesEarly]

EElisaveta there is an episode of Miranda where she and Gary tell someone they have two boys. Named Cliff and Richard Richards

[PastaPot]

When my DS was about 3 months old I went into a small local shop (hardware store I think). I was back in my jeans and feeling quite confident but the man who worked there looked at my stomach and asked "when's it due?" I had my son with me but realised that he hadn't seen me put the car seat down on the floor next to the counter.

I was very embarrassed, and quickly tried to work out the correct date to say..
"Oh I'm not due til April"
"Oh you're showing quite a lot already then?"
"Yes it's twins"
"Congratulations"

I paid for whatever I'd bought then stood awkwardly wondering how to pick up the carseat and smuggle DS out, as the date I'd given would be impossible with DS's age. I picked him up then went waffling on about him being my nephew who I look after while my sister works away etc etc...

[ARockNRollNerd]

Love the double take for Richard!

The first time I went round DHs house (then DP) he asked me if I'd like a cup of tea.
Ooh yes please says I.
Milk?
Yes, please.
Sugar?
No, thanks.

Except, I did take sugar. Two actually.
I was very fussy about tea and could not stand tea without sugar.
I felt too stupid to just tell him that I'd lied about wanting sugar so for 8 months (5 of which we were living together for) he made me tea that I would have to pretend to drink and discreetly chuck it whilst he wasn't looking

[x2boys]

ARock when dh and i first got together and he was meeting my parents for the first time he had already had his tea and didnt realise my parents were cooking again so had to politely force down another meal didnt tell me till months later!

[Pancakeflipper]

What a kind dog-walker you are OP!

When I was 7yrs old in class we had to copy some prose and I drew a wintery scene fitting for the prose. I spent ages on the drawing. Took it home and my mother asked if I'd done it.
I said yes.
My mother showed it off to all relatives and friends.
I filled with pride my artistic wintery scene talents.

Then several weeks in the local paper later the prose appeared in print. With my name as author. My mother had sent it in thinking I was some child genius.

My mother thought I'd composed the bloody prose.
I thought she had been referring to the drawing.

Everyone in my class thought I'd told my mother I wrote it. And my teacher said to me "I saw your name in print in the paper if only you were that creative." I still blush and cringe at the thought of that misunderstanding.

[LaPequenyita]

Oh god, OP are you me?!

Back when I was learning to drive, I tried out a couple of instructors. The first two were quite crazy women, the second of whom was quite mean actually and really discouraging, before I settled on a guy I liked. I only told him about the first woman (who as it turned out had a bit of a rep in the local area for being a shit teacher never got the memo ) as I didn't want him to think I was some kind of nightmare pupil...

I then told instructor #2 how I'd got a full time job so couldn't carry on yadda yadda.

Unbeknownst to me my dtwin bro, three days later, booked a lesson with evil instructor #2 (who had been pumping me for custom)... Just as my nice new instructor rolled up on his car. Yards away from each other.

Nice instructor didn't get why I was hiding from him in the house and looked very confused.

I then strolled out the house in front of evil instructor (so much for my full time job... ) trying desperately to explain situation to new instructor.

Urghhhhh

[catseverywhere]

All my family call me Tony - I am introduced to new people as Tony, friends of friends think my name is Tony. My name is not Tony, my name is Denise.

No one can remember where the whole Tony thing came from, I remember there being a good reason for it at the time (many years ago), but neither I nor anyone else one can remember what it was.

[LorelaiVictoriaGilmore]

Some good suggestions on this thread for how to get rid of an imaginary dog OP (gave it away, had it put down...) but probably best not to apply the same solutions/explanations in respect of the kids... even if they have been excluded!

[PorcupineNecktie]

DYING at "Richard"

Am I the only one really hoping the colleague is an MNer?

[ForeverLivingMyArse]

The lollipop lady at my son's school calls him Greg. His name isn't Greg, it's nothing like Greg. One day I was walking to school to collect him and she said to my youngest ds who was on his buggy 'is that you away to collect Greg' and I just said yes.

That was 5 years ago and she still calls him Greg because I've never corrected her. He plays along with it too.

[PurpleHairAndPearls]

My DCs' consultant thought my DH's first name, for some reason, was a completely different name. A bizarrely "posh" name very unlike DH but starting with the same letter. Think Sebastian instead of Sid. He called him by this name once and DH was too shy to correct him.

This lasted ten years until the consultant retired. Ten years

I then met the consultant a couple of months later in Aldi and referred to DH as Sebastian myself to avoid any embarrassment.

We are so British