Have you ever told a little white lie or there's been a misunderstanding that's just spiraled out of control?

[BillyBullshitter]

This happened to me the other week and has come back to bite me. I fell over on my way to work a couple of weeks ago and got mud up my jeans. No problem as I always have spare clothes in my office for when it's pissing down.

However, on my way in I bumped into a colleague who commented on the mud. I replied and said the dog jumped up at me.

"Oh, I didn't know you have a dog. We must go walking together one time", she said.

Rather than me saying "Oh no, sorry, it was just a random dog" or actually just telling her that I went arse over tit, I went " Ooh, lovely."

I got to my office, shook my head at what an idiot I am and thought nothing more of it.

This morning she has texted me "Hi Billy. Just wondering if you fancy going over the fields on Saturday with the dogs? About 11am."

I have no idea what "the fields" are but assume I would know if I actually had a dog.

I don't feel like I can text back and say it was all an elaborate bullshit to cover the fact I fell over because this makes me look like a knob on so many levels.
So, what are my options here?! Tell her the dog is dead. No, that's horrible. Tell her I'd love to and then beg, steal, borrow or buy a dog in the next 40 hours. Possibly but that's just adding to the lie. I haven't decided.

Tell me your stories of white lie spiraling?

[giraffesCantReachTheirToes]

I used to work on the checkouts at Tesco. I was 17 and had recently had a pregnancy scare which I was desperate to be positive but then period arrived late. I was feeling quite crappy about it and was sure being preg would have got me away from a shitty home life so wasn't in the best of moods but being nice to customers.

One lady came through at 11pm when the place was really quiet (no other staff around to hear me) and she had 2 amazingly behaved children with her. One about 6 and a toddler in the trolley. Both waiting patiently. Chatting and smiling...amazing for 11pm! She was moaning on and on at me about them and how añnoyong/badly behaved they were. I was chatting to the kids and said they were lovely and seemed delightful. She snorted and said "ha. You'd soon change your mind if you have kids of your own" so I said I did! She said "yes well you've probably only got 1 young one. They are shits when older" I said actually no I have 5. FIVE????? Ffs. I was 17. And looked 15! She didn't say much after that.

[vladthedisorganised]

Did anyone ever see a brilliant film called the Great Hip Hop Hoax?
A Dundee rap group were sick of being dismissed for their Scottish accents, so pretended to be from California when entering a competition so they could be taken seriously.
They won the competition, got a record deal and spent years having to pretend they were from California - it got so out of control that they ended up pretending to be mates with D12, one of them got married in secret I think (in Dundee) and they spent about three years pretending to be Americans.. they had a whole back story of the skate park they'd first met in, which street in LA they'd grown up in and so on. Fascinating stuff.

www.imdb.com/title/tt1464783/

[RuggerHug]

Apologies, place marking so I remember to type and share the Auschwitz story later. I feel it's just about time that someone can laugh at it

[yankeecandle4]

My dsm is a prolific liar fantasist and constantly tells lies that we now get great pleasure of drawing out. The funny sad thing is that she seems to enjoy it and does not get agitated the longer it goes on.

Example: "that is a nice jumper you are wearing"
"thanks, I knit it myself"
"really?! There is a M&S label poking out the back
"I used to work as a knitter for M&S"

She also claims to home cook meals that the packet is sitting on the work top for. "I am in the production line of Iceland/M&S/Waitrose"

She also claims that she is a specific type of HCP despite having no qualifications.

[1122christy]

Haha these are hilarious. I don't have anything as funny as previous stories but my neighbours all call me the wrong name, Iv lived here for 10 years.
Say my name was Christy (ahem) they all say Christine. I corrected them at first but it just got easier to be that name. All my Xmas cards over the years to them have been wrote with correct name yet cards from them are to wrong name. For 10 years! Out of the 5 houses only one of the houses has now got it right and probs only because we became Facebook friends this year.

[tuilamum]

One weekend when i was 14 I went to stay at my nans (dads side) for the night, before I left my mum told me she had a surprise for me when I got back. My nan and I spent the weekend debating what it could be, my nan kept suggesting that my mum and stepdad could be getting married (they'd been engaged for 9 years) but I kept denying it. A) because I hated my stepdad and couldn't stand the thought and B) because I said mum would tell me as its not really a surprise for me is it? Well when I got back, guess what? Mum and stepdad were indeed getting married that Tuesday. I begrudgingly went along and was all pleasant and such but the next time I saw my nan I couldn't bring myself to tell her she was right so I told her we had gone to pizza express for dinner (not completely untrue as that's where the reception was). Now I'm 21 and every so often my nan goes "I wonder when your mum and stepdad will get married" "she'd marry him if she loved him she clearly still loves your dad" etc etc. I just go very quiet and nod a bit

[Baconyum]

Boffinmum it is hard work but I found it very enjoyable and wish I could do it now (health not up to it). Ironically at the time I wasn't always so keen but nobody loves their job all the time I don't think.

[Titsalinabumsquash]

My sons scout leader thinks my name is Shona he asked me my name and I told him (it's not even nearly Shona!) anyway it was loud in the hall and he asked 3 times before he said "ok great Shona! we'll see you next week" I couldn't then bring myself to correct him

[BoffinMum]

Baconyum, I do admire people that run hotels and bars because it looks like an incredibly hard thing to do well.

[Mrsbattleaxe]

I'm a bit of a secret eater and do hide it from DH. Earlier this year after slimming club I grabbed a large bag of chips on my way home didn't quite finish the bag and hid it in the rubbish bin outside. My DH went to water the plants and came in and said he fancied fish and chips his treat as he could smell them. He insisted, instead of owning up or saying no like a normal person I agreed he then said we should walk down together. I made my excuses and went and got wine next door so the server didn't see me again. My DH came out with a large fish and chips for me as I was doing so well on my diet. I then had to keep up the pretending and finish most of it.

What made things worse is I bent over to pick something up, coughed at the same time and was sick on the floor

[Mrsbattleaxe]

When I was 18 my mum thought I could get some driving practice in for my driving test. I was insured on the family car and drove with L plates with my parents in the car.
We went to the airport to collect my nan. The pick up bay was full so I parked the car on double yellows and my mum went to the gate to meet my nan.
A police man knocked on the window of the car and told me I had to move. Instead of saying I was a learner and couldn't move the car until my mum came back I said ok and moved and managed to get into the parking bay. I then had to convince my mum that the police man had driven the car as she would be furious with me.

[Baconyum]

Omg these are hilarious!!

Boffinmum I'll help. Genuine hotel and restaurant experience (and a fondness for south american wine )

First one I thought of was actually my lovely gran. She had Alzheimer's towards the end and all manner of truths emerged, including being pregnant when she got married! She'd be in her 90's now . Even more shocking she didn't even like grandad when she first agreed to go on a date with him. Apparently her friend fancied his pal but grandad fancied gran so grandads pal said he'd go out with grans pal if gran went too and it was a double date. Apparently grans pal had to beg as according to gran, grandad was 'up his ain erse and no' even that guid looking whatever he thinks' . Well he must've done something right they were married over 60 years and had loads of kids (including the one invisible at the wedding )

Myself I am so ridiculously honest THAT gets me into trouble. There was a pp said the same - to that poster if you've any advice in getting me to shut my mouth that'd be appreciated

However, dd and I wanted to see a film recently, went to cinema and didn't realise till getting tickets that it was a 15, dd looks a bit young for her age (she's almost 15) I was asked for her DOB and instead of making her a year older made her a year younger! Idiot! So no film!

[lovejaguar]

My mother always gets into situations like this. 22 years ago when I fell pregnant with dd, she was embarrassed about me having a child ( I was 25!!!!!) and did not tell her sisters initially. She then finally told them I was pregnant but lied about the month of birth so for many years after, my dd received a birthday card several months later. Luckily we live in another country to them so they were never here for her real birthday and we obviously never celebrated the fake birthday. As my dd got older she went along with it but it became a standing joke in our house. We made my mother sit her sisters down and admit what she had done when my dd turned 18 and they laughed but probably thought wtf!!!!!!!

[BoffinMum]

SilentBob, please please please save me from myself.

[SilentBob]

The lovely chap at the petrol station yesterday morning asked if I was a teacher. Yes, yes I am! How did you know? Says I...

I am not now, nor have I ever been a teacher.

I am, however, a chef. And an ex-hotel manager. Therefore I call shotgun in Boffin's party bus to the wine tasting weekend!

[GladGran]

Goes to show honesty 9in the end) is the best policy! Especially in University interviews!

[BoffinMum]

OK, I will fess up now I have been in the Talk Roundup.

I have to let out a holiday cottage which needs a lot of work and is in a fairly unhelpful location. I know nothing about the hospitality industry and I think I am probably fairly crap at Customer Service generally. I felt very ignorant and worried about getting it all very wrong. So I went to an industry event as a kind of CPD to check out useful products. However when I got there I realised that if I prowled around muttering about a single holiday cottage nobody would take me seriously in all the conversations I needed to have, so I created a very convincing legend involving an expanding chain of hotels, 12 rooms each, a bar, a restaurant, a laundry, and so on. This enabled me to eat a lot of sample ice cream, gourmet popcorn, enjoy the products of several Nespresso machines, and acquire a lot of sample guest toiletries. To be fair, a few of these I will indeed be buying for the cottage, but obviously I got carried away with the bar and restaurant part. The more time went on, the more I was enjoying myself, and it just got more and more authentic as the day progressed. The fact that I seemed to pick up all the lingo and the mindset helped, I think. Then I found myself at the wine merchant stand chatting about the problems of dealing with our usual wine merchant, envisioning my imaginary staff ....

Luckily many MNetters have offered to attend should the worst happen. We should probably have a live thread if that happens.

[GaryGilmoresEyes]

I once got quizzed on the bus by a nosey women I'd never met before about my plans for Christmas . I told her I didn't have any. She then decided that as I'm tanned I must be Muslim (!) and got quite nasty so I invented a whole family that died on Christmas day just to shut her up.
Its awful, I know.

[minesapintofwine]

These are hilarious

When I was at school there was a girl in my class with the same middle name as my first name. Let's call her Jayne Laura. She was so.pretty and popular and one day some people were calling her Jayne Laura when, to get in with the popular ones,.I piped up 'oh what a coincidence my name is Laura Jayne'. It wasn't. It is just Laura. Gets worse. I embellished the stupid lie by saying from then on I only wanted to be known by my.middle name. It actually worked for a few years until one day my parents heard me being called Jayne and were like WTF

When I met people on holidays I used to meet people, change my name and make up a different story. I would even put on a different accent. I was such a fuck ing weirdo!! It was hard to maintain too.

I thankfully tell the truth now. Though I keep telling people I'm 30, genuinely forgetting I'm 33. I always admit it as soon as I remember

[Adventuregame]

Has anybody mentioned that if it's a Jack Russel OP the it won't have jumped up at you very high - where was the mud ? It's all in the details !

[ZoeTurtle]

This thread has taught me a lot.

I ordered '15 classic mysteries by Enid Blyton' from The Book Man at work. My colleague just saw them on my desk and said, "Oh, you bought the Enid Blyton thing?"
Me: "Yes. I would make up a niece or nephew but, actually, they're for me."
Colleague: "I don't blame you.*
pleasant chat about nostalgia ensues

Kind of wish I'd said "yes, they're for my nephew, Richard..."

[PorcupineNecktie]

redredblue You made me remember one of mine!

XH and I have been separated for three years and are currently in the middle of a divorce. However when we got married my grandfather was so excited and happy to see me settling down that I don't have the heart to tell him we're no longer together.

However, I do a lot of travelling for work, and am always sending DGF postcards from far-flung places. Last time I saw him he asked after XH, like he always does, and I made up some crap about him being fine but not able to come along because of work, and then DGF said "It must be hard on you both, what with you off travelling all the time."

It would have been the perfect opportunity to say something like "Yes, well actually we're separated at the moment" but for some reason I went on a whole spiel about how wonderful and supportive XH is and how it hasn't affected the relationship at all!

Perhaps the worst part is that I bought myself a (cheap) replacement wedding ring the last time I went round there so he wouldn't notice it'd gone!

[PurpleHairAndPearls]

Paula, a friend of mine used to do things like that^^ despite being in his 30s

Once he put a strong fake Australian accent on in Starbucks, ordered his drink and chatted with the server ("where are you from?" "Melbourne") and was waiting for the drink when one of his colleagues appeared and decided to wait with him. He had to gently ease back into a Northern accent via Melbourne

[paulapompom]

These are so funny, trying to imagine why somebody would have to reinvent themselves as the owner of several boutique hotels Boffin

This is not mine but I was involved. I went to our local card shop one Sunday, the young lad serving was chatting away to me, he had quite a strong Australian accent. Another, female, member of staff came over a. nd joined the conversation. Young lad clammed up. Would only answer with nods or shakes of his head. Eventually I went off saying 'goodbye'. 'Goodbye, enjoy the rest of your day's calls the female member of staff, young boy is smiling maniacally, waving any giving thumbs up.

Few days later I told my dts I had got them wrapping paper from xXxX card shop. Dt1 replied 'oh Jamie from our sixth form works there at the weekend, it's soo funny, he does an Australian accent when he's serving customers, but the other day he was serving a lady and his boss came over and he had to not speak to the customer anymore'

[CountBeculaMumsnet]

Hi all - we're going to pop this thread in Classics shortly