to kill all the spiders?

[bessarabiantiger]

We live in the country, we're very lucky with our house and we've been here two years. There's a lake on the property and with lakes come mosquito hoardes (fine, live and let live, we knew about this when ee took the place, and with mosquito hoardes come spiders.

I am alright with most types of spider, I allow Huntsman (? Spindly legged) in every room as they're no bother and keep the mossies down when we have the windows open. Brown recluse get ejected with a glass & cardboard or eaten by the cat.

This year we have a problem with false widows and a kind we've never seen before. They are awful. Striped and with extra long front legs, they shamble across the ceiling as if they're drunk & often fall in your drink/dinner/hair.

We now have around 80 of the fuckers in the kitchen. They are making nests. For many people this wouldn't even be an issue. But me being me I've said to myself, well the windows are open, they aren't scaring me on purpose (even after the night I walked into the kitchen without turning the lights on and had one who was making a web land on my face. ARGH!) Etc. Etc.

We've used every natural repellant going. From plug-in spider scarers (knew they were bullshit but was at wits end last sept) to conkers, peppermint oil, spider hoover, removing them all outside (shudder. That was a horrible day) only to find a new gang there in the morning.

After me and DH being bitten this week (him on the neck, me on the hand WHILST ASLEEP IN BED! Hand swelled up for the next 24 hours, yes, it was a spider, found it crawling down my leg) I have finally and very reluctantly bought spider poison.

I am hoping someone can offer a better solution before I have to use it. DS has mild asthma and am worried about the effect on him (we will evacuate for the day after use) and it's an aersol as well as a poison. It sounds silly, but I've only ever used aerosol twice- the ozone layer was so drummed into me at school it feels akin to pooping straight down a whales blow hole!

AIBU to kill the spiders so they stop biting us? Has anyone got any other solution?

We break webs and remove visible offenders bi-daily BTW.

Bloody hell Bess, how large is the bird table? I've never seen one big enough to fit even the weediest of husbands on, and either way that's quite a feast sacrifice

Oh, I'm in the UK.

married

I'm in the UK. I believe I was the first to mention that the stripey ones were bastards and that I had named a non-threatening small spider in my kitchen Boris.

Thanks to this thread I'm calling all daddy long legged sorts Charlottes.

Gallopy fuckers don't live long enough to be named.

To derail for a second, I really want to know more about the disco exorcism - what would that involve....?

I'm presuming murder on the dancefloor

I'll get my coat

I STILL CAN'T FIND FAT ALBERT!

But one of my children is missing. She's either gone downstairs or has been eaten

Albert is a girl....I need to read more!

I'm here - haven't been eaten by acromantulas or EVil Crickets Of Doom or anything else.

I can't see the video :( - but I looked it up, is it the same as "the spider in the bath"?

I call spiders Boris, courtesy of The Who and their rather fab song:

Of course, I could switch to Aragog for particularly large and fearsome ones - but no. Boris does the job.

The last couple of nights I have been entertained by the crickets (normal ones, not Evil Doom versions) that I have to keep to feed to the lizards. I have Ishoos with this - I have to feed the crickets, to keep them alive, to feed them to the lizards. This feels Wrong. Someone has suggested that I could feed the bigger lizard (DS1's pygmy bearded dragon) woodroaches - this is NOT going to happen, as I loathe roaches with every fibre of my being (may have mentioned similar before) and I could NOT bring myself to feed the fuckers.
But as I was saying - this last batch of crickets has one inimitable singer - so the last couple of nights, he (she?) has chirped away all evening, sounds like I'm camping, as DH put it!

Wildlife - gotta love it.

Oh I found a good video the other day but decided not to share it or I'd probably have several deaths on my conscience - some idiot tried to bash a wolf spider to death in their kitchen, not realising it was carrying a full batch of young on its back (they do this) - who all then scattered to the four winds as their mother was beaten to death! Commentary suggested that they thought the spider was pregnant and had released all the babies - but no, they would have been travelling on her back. Google baby wolf spiders (if you dare!) - they look like a thick fur coat.

My video, ThumbWitch? Yes, The Spider in the Bath by Flanders and Swann.

Sorry wonka I suspect the child has been eaten to feed Fat Albert's insatiable desire for human flesh. Have you secured the remaining children?

I came to add this. My DS used to always sing it when he was little, I have absolutely no idea where the hell he got it from because I have no recollection of watching anything about spiders. Even cartoon ones scare me.

Well I found the missing child who is fully intact apart from a healthy sense of respect for her fabulous mother.
Do spiders feed on emotions?

Still no fat Albert but he has left a present for me under the pipes which thanks to op I've been able to identify as spider poo.

He ate my childs respect and then pood it out. I'm officially unimpressed now

These spiders are getting worse.
We need to put our foot down on top of them

Teach them whos boss

Dear god. This thread is horrifying. And yet hilarious. I am terrified of any spider bigger than about a 20 pence piece. I kill the bastards if I can bear to get close enough. Dh refuses to kill them . OP I could seriously not live in your house. Burning it (from a distance with flame throwers) would be the only option.

Yes Chillie, sorry, it was your video I couldn't see, it just told me it wasn't available to us not in Blighty, I assume.

I could see EveryFricking's one though - hilarious!

I was told at a young age that one shouldn't kill spiders, because if you do, all its friends and family turn up for the funeral...

Maybe that's why op is surrounded

ThumbWitchesAbroad I was told the same about pulling out grey hairs

Two spiders this morning already. One rather rudely in the sink, the plug is in incase it comes back up.

Do you have an overflow in your sink?

Argh!

OK, I'll delurk. I'm not sure whether to post this here or in Pedants' Corner, but what is the acceptable plural for Daddy Longlegs? DH is adamant that it's Daddies Longlegs, which is patently ridiculous.

ps I feel I should explain my username, before people start throwing copies of Debrett's at me. I am a massive, massive arachnophobe, but at the time when I registered on MN, I was reading a lovely book called 'The Snow Spider', which a friend had given me to try to get me over my fear and there was a phrase in it in which the spider (who is a nice spider and is all magic and stuff) is glowing and the main character was described as 'reading by spiderlight'. That was the first thing to come to mind when pressed for a username, as I needed something completely anonymous and unlikely-to-be-me because I'd not told a soul I was pregnant at that point, and it's stuck for nearly nine years.

Please don't throw books at me.

Aww spiderlight, I love your name!

Daddy Longlegses. Or, DLLs.

Has this thread been in Discussions of the DAy before? Is my ability to notice these things slipping? If not, then Yay! We made Discussions of the Day!