to kill all the spiders?

[bessarabiantiger]

We live in the country, we're very lucky with our house and we've been here two years. There's a lake on the property and with lakes come mosquito hoardes (fine, live and let live, we knew about this when ee took the place, and with mosquito hoardes come spiders.

I am alright with most types of spider, I allow Huntsman (? Spindly legged) in every room as they're no bother and keep the mossies down when we have the windows open. Brown recluse get ejected with a glass & cardboard or eaten by the cat.

This year we have a problem with false widows and a kind we've never seen before. They are awful. Striped and with extra long front legs, they shamble across the ceiling as if they're drunk & often fall in your drink/dinner/hair.

We now have around 80 of the fuckers in the kitchen. They are making nests. For many people this wouldn't even be an issue. But me being me I've said to myself, well the windows are open, they aren't scaring me on purpose (even after the night I walked into the kitchen without turning the lights on and had one who was making a web land on my face. ARGH!) Etc. Etc.

We've used every natural repellant going. From plug-in spider scarers (knew they were bullshit but was at wits end last sept) to conkers, peppermint oil, spider hoover, removing them all outside (shudder. That was a horrible day) only to find a new gang there in the morning.

After me and DH being bitten this week (him on the neck, me on the hand WHILST ASLEEP IN BED! Hand swelled up for the next 24 hours, yes, it was a spider, found it crawling down my leg) I have finally and very reluctantly bought spider poison.

I am hoping someone can offer a better solution before I have to use it. DS has mild asthma and am worried about the effect on him (we will evacuate for the day after use) and it's an aersol as well as a poison. It sounds silly, but I've only ever used aerosol twice- the ozone layer was so drummed into me at school it feels akin to pooping straight down a whales blow hole!

AIBU to kill the spiders so they stop biting us? Has anyone got any other solution?

We break webs and remove visible offenders bi-daily BTW.

fattyninjaowl that is exactly the kind of spiders I have all over my garden. My own version of stripus bastardicus.

I'm still clothes peg/spider roulette every time I hang out the washing (they hide inside them, see my previous post)

I'm also worried about Thumbwich. I have visions of the Evil Cricket of Doom coming for her.

And good luck wilhelmena in hunting down Fat Albert. Get yourself a gerbil, pronto.

Stay safe, everyone.

Yesterday I reached a new understanding about spiders and longevity.

I looked at a big, fat, healthy looking spider in my spare bedroom and thought 'You're just living your life'. Then a voice in my head said "What do big, fat, healthy, successful spiders do? They breed!" Hundreds of tiny spiders in my house just waiting to grow big, fat, healthy and successful.

No. Sorry spiders. If I see you, I put an end to your plans for world domination.

hudyer I tumble dry everything.
mrstwee could you imagine walking into your spare room to find it completely overrun
Nope, spiders definitely have to go.

Mrstwee, you have hit upon the true philosophy of this thread, which was derailed ever-so-slightly by sausage kestrels and Moomin go-rounds, I have no objection to spiders per se. I have even arrived at an entente cordiale with the eleventy hundred living on the decking.

However I cannot (and will not) put up withthem all migrating inside and shitting on everything.

Has fat Albert found a new lady friend and spent the last 24hrs making sweet spider love?

That's it.
From now on the new house rules are:

Never use the bathroom again.

We can use the potty and go medieval by throwing it out of the window (which will be educational
We will lick each other clean

In return fat Albert and his family can claim the bathroom as their own.

wonka surely you can teach the minis to catch them and make spider chocolates?

You need magic earth in all of your nooks and indeed crannies.

This way Fat Albert has a sporting chance.

I am currently dealing with a dead Mallard on the lawn and a Husband who has returned from playing at a wedding until 4.30am and now has 'oh what a night' stuck on permanent loop in his skull. May have to perform a disco exorcism. A discocism if you will.

Ok, I'll concede that I may be underused right now but no one is putting any magic earth in MY nooks OR crannies.
No spiders in there! I funking hope

www.wired.com/2014/10/4-acre-spider-web-engulfs-building/

Under my sink however is a different story
...

I now have deep euphemism confusion.

I also have a question, possibly a poll. Apparently, this subject has 'lurkers'. If youare lurking, firstly, shame on you, you're behaving like an ambush spider.

Secondly, Boris seems to be the internationally accepted name for Gallopy fuckers, Charlotte appears to have been adopted as the standard code for 'spindly legged spiders who don't really bother anyone' and we've also had Freds & Roberts.

Please unveil yourselves and reveal your particular family name for pet spiders (plus continent if you would). I've become increasingly curious as this thread has progressed.

Fat Albert for giant house spiders that taunt you by letting you know that they are there but then hiding to mess with your head and sleep

Any spider my 6 yo decides is his pet is called harry.

I don't know why I keep coming back to lurk on this thread...

My cats are only occasional mighty hunters so I have had to deal with
far too many gallopy fuckers myself. I live in a first floor flat and cannot open the back windows at all anymore because there's a row of trees at the end of the gardens, which are tiny. Every time I open the back windows I find at least one huge bastard spider in the following couple of days. There are probably millions living in the trees.

Anyway, every time I do open this thread, this song pops into my head (there are no pictures, don't worry!):

Usually I am too busy screaming, egged on by the kids yelling "get it! Get it!" to give it a name.
Ds used to call daddy long legses, Mister Long legs, which was sweetly formal of him. Perhaps Bess could check Debretts and see if this is correct?

We had our first tarantula attack last night shortly after I read this thread.
You bastards.
It was a ridiculously fast-moving large house spider. I called it arghhhhgetthefuckingthingoutNOW

Please do keep sharing, but I just had to interject to give chilli a standing ovation for that video.

Ma I can't open Debretts because there is still a spider under it, it's a fairly deep-pile rug and am not taking any chances. We shall have to wait for Husband to remove carcass or be mauled by really pissed off spider before I can locate the appropriate chapter.

shutting up

It would be bloody bad form of said spider not to have done the decent thing and died after being thwacked with Debretts. I despair of spiders today, really I do.

I apologise with the utmost sincerity to anyone who may be upset by a picture of a spider whose pursuit of love may have rendered them...dead.

My rationalisation being that he could have been ended by a chicken (or the cat) at any given moment anyway.

He just chose his moment to advance (the cat had just jumped down from her perch in the dark and made me scream, which was piled atop dealing with my Daughter who had been screaming earlier as the security lights were triggered by bats and she thought we were under seige by giant fireflies - note to self:write a book) based entirely on desire. I'm sorry to say that in my hysterical state and with a weighty tome to hand that was the end of him.

I remain shit scared of spiders. As I remain shit scared of most social situations. Debretts is the cure for both problems it would seem.

Husband is placing his body on the birdtable, he will provide nutrition to something. I am sitting cleaning Debretts with a babywipe.

So Bess is it correct to address a daddy long legs as a mister long legs, as tiny Ds did? What does Debretts say? Is "gallopy fucker" acceptable in certain circumstances?

Am attempting Debretts upload but MNHQ are having none of it.

As regards Misters, manners HQ have nothing. But we can help with Monsignors...

Monsignor jambes longs?

It would have to be Shelob or Ungoliant.