to kill all the spiders?

[bessarabiantiger]

We live in the country, we're very lucky with our house and we've been here two years. There's a lake on the property and with lakes come mosquito hoardes (fine, live and let live, we knew about this when ee took the place, and with mosquito hoardes come spiders.

I am alright with most types of spider, I allow Huntsman (? Spindly legged) in every room as they're no bother and keep the mossies down when we have the windows open. Brown recluse get ejected with a glass & cardboard or eaten by the cat.

This year we have a problem with false widows and a kind we've never seen before. They are awful. Striped and with extra long front legs, they shamble across the ceiling as if they're drunk & often fall in your drink/dinner/hair.

We now have around 80 of the fuckers in the kitchen. They are making nests. For many people this wouldn't even be an issue. But me being me I've said to myself, well the windows are open, they aren't scaring me on purpose (even after the night I walked into the kitchen without turning the lights on and had one who was making a web land on my face. ARGH!) Etc. Etc.

We've used every natural repellant going. From plug-in spider scarers (knew they were bullshit but was at wits end last sept) to conkers, peppermint oil, spider hoover, removing them all outside (shudder. That was a horrible day) only to find a new gang there in the morning.

After me and DH being bitten this week (him on the neck, me on the hand WHILST ASLEEP IN BED! Hand swelled up for the next 24 hours, yes, it was a spider, found it crawling down my leg) I have finally and very reluctantly bought spider poison.

I am hoping someone can offer a better solution before I have to use it. DS has mild asthma and am worried about the effect on him (we will evacuate for the day after use) and it's an aersol as well as a poison. It sounds silly, but I've only ever used aerosol twice- the ozone layer was so drummed into me at school it feels akin to pooping straight down a whales blow hole!

AIBU to kill the spiders so they stop biting us? Has anyone got any other solution?

We break webs and remove visible offenders bi-daily BTW.

squoosh you really need to be thinking about packing your bags and leaving home. NOW! Please count the dc. Are any missing?

It could just be a stick insect.
There's a spider in our stick insect tank and I'm really hoping seeing if there is a fight to the death. They've ignored each other so far though.

Leave the spiders alone they aren't doing any harm to you. How bloody cruel you are.

I luvs spiders. We have scorpians though and mozzies with dengue. So spiders are welcome. Found this baby (and I mean this actually is a baby, I'm not being affectionate) swimming in the pool with the kids.

Jesus Christ tomato where do you live?

Well, I've done nothing this evening apart from ensure that I dream about massive fuck-off spiders all night. I have a little nest of Charlottes in my book case - I am strangely fascinated by the tiny fluffy white babies.

Not too many Gallopy Fuckers thankfully. Given how useless the cat is, it's probably a good thing - he just watches the invasion. Some guard cat he is.

And Bess, I think I luffs you.

In a weird way, I don't mind those ginormous fuzzy ones so much. They could feasibly be a pet. I hate the little speedy fuckers that hide places and the run after you. And they do run after you. At least they do in my house.

Jesus Christ tomato where do you live?

South America, so you're quite safe. Actually tarantulas are pretty safe, the worrying ones are Brazilian wandering spiders. They are one of the most deadly in the world. If you're a bloke and they don't kill you, they can give you an erection that lasts days , not sure if that's an urban legend!

lemon why oh why did you show me this thread?!
Bess you're hilarious. I'm going to kidnap you and keep you under my stairs

OK, my 20 month old DD has just been nattering away to herself in her bedroom, so I deal with screaming DS2 (6 weeks) and go up to put DD back to bed. I discover her talking to this bastard, which scurried up the wall and out of reach when I screamed! DDs light doesn't work and ive not got round to putting a new bulb in, so its not a great picture but that evil twat was being told a story about the roar disore eat babies (along with a doll in one hand and dinosaur in the other, so it was actually getting a puppet show) now I can't reach it.

Morning!

I've been lurking on my own thread in between workouts and dinner at my Nans house where 'the internet' is something that happens to other people.

I'm still slightly agog at Thumbs giant wasp cricket hybrid bastard. I don't trust anything with spiky knees (that's life advice you can have for nowt. Put your money away!).

I just got ambushed by a Fat Albert in the living room. He froze on the rug when I turned the light on (so was clearly up to no good). The only thing to hand was my weighty copy of Debretts which I threw at him, the whole situation just feels like terrible manners on everyone's part.

Ok Fatty that looks about the same size as the one in my picture pack your bags now do you have a safe place you could go tonight?

Nope, nowhere safe. I'm going to have to burn the house down and take the kids to a hostel arent I?

tomato do Brazilian wandering spiders give the men a choice?

Spider: right, I can either kill you or give you a three-day boner. Which shall it be? evil grin and eyebrow arch. Shut up, this spider has eyebrows

Man:...

fatty do you have a basilisk to hand?

Bess, is that spider also slowly stroking a spider-sized cat (a flea? Caterpillar?) a la the Bond villain that I always get mixed up?

(That would have worked so much better had I been able to come up with a suitably hairy mini-beast and actually for once remembered the name of the bloody baddie. Huh.)

It was a mildly entertaining mental image anyway, but I guess you had to be there. (Inside my head? Not advised )

Nope, no basilisk. I got brave and chucked a book at it. Then squished it with the book when it fell to the floor. (It was under the dome by Stephen king if anyone's interested)/

He will be stroking one of these (also from the Mexican 'WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT NOW?' wildlife project). And he will say "I expect you to DIE Mr Bo....oh, oh I see, you're opting for the boner. Sigh"

I'm presuming that's some sort of creepy bastard caterpillar

I REMEMBER THAT BOOK! If that happened over my house we'd need a big window squeegee so we could keep all the spiders off our invisible prison.

Maybe the spiders are in on it? Sort of communicating with the aliens

It is. Although it looked to me like a small Wildebeest sporting both fore and aft moustachios.

I called him Nigel. I imagine he's pupated and begun his adult life as a Pterodactyl by now.

Nigel the pterodactyl looks..um..lovely

He was. He neither crept nor crawled across the floor.

he whiffled.