to kill all the spiders?

[bessarabiantiger]

We live in the country, we're very lucky with our house and we've been here two years. There's a lake on the property and with lakes come mosquito hoardes (fine, live and let live, we knew about this when ee took the place, and with mosquito hoardes come spiders.

I am alright with most types of spider, I allow Huntsman (? Spindly legged) in every room as they're no bother and keep the mossies down when we have the windows open. Brown recluse get ejected with a glass & cardboard or eaten by the cat.

This year we have a problem with false widows and a kind we've never seen before. They are awful. Striped and with extra long front legs, they shamble across the ceiling as if they're drunk & often fall in your drink/dinner/hair.

We now have around 80 of the fuckers in the kitchen. They are making nests. For many people this wouldn't even be an issue. But me being me I've said to myself, well the windows are open, they aren't scaring me on purpose (even after the night I walked into the kitchen without turning the lights on and had one who was making a web land on my face. ARGH!) Etc. Etc.

We've used every natural repellant going. From plug-in spider scarers (knew they were bullshit but was at wits end last sept) to conkers, peppermint oil, spider hoover, removing them all outside (shudder. That was a horrible day) only to find a new gang there in the morning.

After me and DH being bitten this week (him on the neck, me on the hand WHILST ASLEEP IN BED! Hand swelled up for the next 24 hours, yes, it was a spider, found it crawling down my leg) I have finally and very reluctantly bought spider poison.

I am hoping someone can offer a better solution before I have to use it. DS has mild asthma and am worried about the effect on him (we will evacuate for the day after use) and it's an aersol as well as a poison. It sounds silly, but I've only ever used aerosol twice- the ozone layer was so drummed into me at school it feels akin to pooping straight down a whales blow hole!

AIBU to kill the spiders so they stop biting us? Has anyone got any other solution?

We break webs and remove visible offenders bi-daily BTW.

What in the fuck is that?? ^^

Ok, I've recovered.

Please no crawly poker. A huntsman will send me over the edge right now.

That pen scale is pretty ingenious but makes it all the more horrifying. It made Bess, with all her hardiness to strange creatures, use the *Holy Motherfuckin Shitballs exclamation, that's how bad it is.

*already my favourite curse phrase.

For you spider fans.. (Shudder)

Hahahahahaaaaaaa. I LOVE that!

patrician, if we're going to adjust it to CPB (creatures per bugle) and award Fuck That status to the horrific creature taking up the most bugle, then you'll all have to excuse me for a while, I have an appointment with three angry stoats and a hot glue gun...

For fuck sakes I was just getting ready for bed and found this lurking behind the bedroom door. And I can't recruit DH to dispatch as he's been banished to the spare room with his man flu so won't be happy at being awoken to deal with spider emergency..

Disclaimer: that picture is making it look tiny and cute. Its not, it has the evil vibe as a pp said.

What do I do? I'm stuck here.

ok, its been taken care of. Death by slipper. Made a mess but I had no choice, the fucker RAN AT ME as usual. Why, why, why do they always do that?

Urgh. Big, chunky, hairy fucker.

Wonder if there's more..?

So you don't want to see my pic of Boris next to my hand for size comparison then?

I love the Crawly poker idea. And that centipede is 'orrible, would creep the fuck out of me and I'd have to evict it too before sleeping. I don't "do" beetles and centipede things.

hudyer - I think they're like cats. They can smell fear/dislike and head straight for it.

I could maybe cope with a pic of Boris now - at 11.30 last night after having to deal with the spider surprise behind the door I think I would have fainted.

I named a kitchen lurker Boris last week - I suspect its a little smaller than yours...

For some reason all of our "pet" spiders end up being called Fred. I remember both my DM and DGM always call them that too.

Still no giants seen at my house, which probably means the buggers are all in the loft. I did find a bloody huge mosquito in the bathroom this morning, which is now very dead.

I'm not overly fond of spiders, particularly the house variety, but I do find them fascinating and creepy at the same time. Some of the webs in the garden are beautiful although some are getting big enough to be man traps and one nearly caught a cat the other day.

My trainer decided to wake me up at twenty to eight this morning by sending me this with 'LOOK WHAT LANDED ON MYFACE'

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Where is trainer?

He was in the gym when I last saw him.

IN THIS COUNTRY?!

Yes. Apparently he kept hitting the snooze button on his alarm and this guy decided he'd had enough and helped wake him up.

When I told him the mandible things were essentially willies and that he'd had spider willy on his face, his reaction was much the same as the time I kept making him smell my hand (had bought a new soap) because I thought it smelled like penis. He went and washed in the gym water fountain like a sparrow in a birdbath.

I love my life.

STEEEEVVVVEEEE! Nooooo! Not Steve. He was a good man .

OH THE HUMANITY! WHY? WH-H-HYYYYYYYH?

[Cue hair pulling and gnashing of teeth]

OMG @ that spider landing on your head.

Why haven't you killed seen to them yet?

I have tons of huge spiders similar to the one in that photo all over my home at the moment. I can hear Ride Of The Valkyries playing as they stomp purposefully across the floor.

That spider up there? That one landed on Steve's head so he had to deal with it. I'm not his mother.

I'm quite happy now, we've got a new squaddle of Charlottes in the porch (who are adorable and look like if you ran your finger across their webs they would sound like a windchime) who have eaten Thomas Aragog Von Antlers.

These spiders may make me my fortune, am currently on ebay looking for those recordable voice boxes to put in my Sweary Bess Barbie dolls. I'll be rich I tells ya. RICH!

squoosh do you want some baby Charlottes? They eat everything including hobnail boot spiders.

Mail-order Charlottes.

RICH! RICH I TELLS YA!

I'd be worried that once the Charlottes are done feasting on the big fat beasts they'd turn their many gluttonous eyes on me!

I think you could sell the Charlottes as little spider exterminators.

It sounds like the farm is in full swing at yours. You just need to package them up and ship them off.

I wish I had a couple. I've now got loads of those little robust fuckers where the legs are fat and shiny. I wonder if that's what the tiny red ones turn into when they reach maturity.

Ooo cross post. Must be a genius idea if we both thought of it