to kill all the spiders?

[bessarabiantiger]

We live in the country, we're very lucky with our house and we've been here two years. There's a lake on the property and with lakes come mosquito hoardes (fine, live and let live, we knew about this when ee took the place, and with mosquito hoardes come spiders.

I am alright with most types of spider, I allow Huntsman (? Spindly legged) in every room as they're no bother and keep the mossies down when we have the windows open. Brown recluse get ejected with a glass & cardboard or eaten by the cat.

This year we have a problem with false widows and a kind we've never seen before. They are awful. Striped and with extra long front legs, they shamble across the ceiling as if they're drunk & often fall in your drink/dinner/hair.

We now have around 80 of the fuckers in the kitchen. They are making nests. For many people this wouldn't even be an issue. But me being me I've said to myself, well the windows are open, they aren't scaring me on purpose (even after the night I walked into the kitchen without turning the lights on and had one who was making a web land on my face. ARGH!) Etc. Etc.

We've used every natural repellant going. From plug-in spider scarers (knew they were bullshit but was at wits end last sept) to conkers, peppermint oil, spider hoover, removing them all outside (shudder. That was a horrible day) only to find a new gang there in the morning.

After me and DH being bitten this week (him on the neck, me on the hand WHILST ASLEEP IN BED! Hand swelled up for the next 24 hours, yes, it was a spider, found it crawling down my leg) I have finally and very reluctantly bought spider poison.

I am hoping someone can offer a better solution before I have to use it. DS has mild asthma and am worried about the effect on him (we will evacuate for the day after use) and it's an aersol as well as a poison. It sounds silly, but I've only ever used aerosol twice- the ozone layer was so drummed into me at school it feels akin to pooping straight down a whales blow hole!

AIBU to kill the spiders so they stop biting us? Has anyone got any other solution?

We break webs and remove visible offenders bi-daily BTW.

at Arsedagger Arms! Quality name.

If it was was I wouldn't care, I'd kill them. But it's beeeeees.

Thumb find a local beekeeper and talk to them rather then pest control. They usually have ways of enticing out the queen to move the swarm.

This thread has been making me laugh and squirm in equal measure. Bess your spiders are sodding HUGE. Don't ever move to Essex - we have scorpions (although the biggest colony of them is in Kent).

That is who I talked to, Patrician. I didn't/wouldn't call out pest control for bees!

Is this in the UK? Just reading it has made me itch. In Lilyland, anything with 8 legs is killed outright to prevent its breeding more of the same, and any webby-looking location gets sprayed with Raid cockroach killer (highly effective on spiders). The OP sounds like my worst nightmare.

I have a bees' nest in my bedroom wall!

Unbeknownst to me, some paper wasps raised a family in my bedroom. I used to keep the door to the balcony open all summer, and had noticed wasps a few times on the balcony, but had no idea that they had actually made a nest on a bookshelf. Only found the nest, in the winter when they had long departed.

I thought this might be your solution to a spider-free house, but the reviews indicate perhaps not. The 'most helpful' customer review is brilliant -she must be a mumsnetter

"Plug In Spider Repeller Deterrent - whole house"
Link to Amazon: goo.gl/QMW912

Last night a big brown leggy spider ran into the sofa cushions. I perched on a dining table chair until bedtime. This morning it was sitting on the rug, so I hit it with a book. Splayed out it was even bigger. I swear spiders seem to be getting much bigger than they used to be. Last autumn there was one in the kitchen thats legs easily spanned four inches. I sucked that one up with a vacuum cleaner.

Oh dear blahblahusername. I feel it is my duty to refer you to the crushing news that.... www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/spiders-big-mice-invading-homes-6277320
I'm on the look-out. I've sprayed anywhere they might be hiding with Raid (and flushed a few biggish but by no means giant out already) and have polished my bathtub to gloss standard to stop the hideous fuckers climbing out, nit that it solves the problem of my having to shrink back, scream, retch and run away in horror of seeing them in there in the first place.
I need to live on the 16th floor of a luxury apartment in Norway. Do you the NHS will fund the location? No.

Loving this thread.

So far I've only encountered one big bastard house spider. Fortunately he was in the shower cubicle but as it was 2:30 am I had no choice but to tackle him alone.

Armed with a bottle of bleach and some Cilit Bang I managed to kill him but he died all spread out rather than curled up and wouldn't fit down the plug hole. I procured a pokey stick and finally broke him up enough to wash him away. I felt like I'd been in battle.

The next morning DS asked what had happened, he said he'd heard the shower running and me whimpering "oh for fucks sake just die" but couldn't be bothered to come and help.

Thanks son.

Ive missed loads!! just laughed/snorted at the spider possibly giving the finger pic hahahahhhahah

Im saving the catch up of thread for when ive done my ironing....like reading a good book...

Adventures of charlottes, bastardus's

UntilTheCows etc - tears running down my cheeks!

I actually trashed a Dyson on last year's giant bastards. It was so huge I swear it must have escaped from somewhere. My DH hoovered it will screaming so loudly I thought he was being electrocuted, and I switched it off in panic which made him scream even more. We sprayed everything down the hose, taped up the end and threw the hoover at the end of the garden, never to use it again.

When we took DS for his first jabs, a large spider crawled out of his sleepsuit. He was totally nonplussed while I held him at arms lengths trying desperately not to scream, as well as the nurse who had gone into rigor mortis while my husband stomped it.

This year I have a spider catcher and am determined not to pass this phobia on but fuck me I hate them.

Oh good Lord. Who knew the UK was so full of terrifying beasts? It'll be bloody pigeons with flick-knives next.

I've just had a huge bloody journey which in no way involved building a seven foot high wall covered in magic earth around Kent & Essex to keep the scorpions in and returned to find DH has drawn me a bath. yay!

Catching up on all your terrifying news was cheering me up no end. DH even brought in my candle-powered Moomin-go-round and some cheese to really help me relax.

And then I glanced up. In the candlelight (oh yes, DH is a good, good man indeed) on the white tiled wall was the most binormous fekking Charlotte I've ever laid eyes on - we now know that one giant clumsy Charlotte = a Fuck That. Being perpendicular and on tile, she was in quite real danger of falling in my bath, which would benefit nobody. So scooped her in a jug and put her and the jug in the sink.

She has now climbed out and is astride the soap dispenser making big waving gestures with her forelegs and looking like King Kong swatting away aircraft.

I'm going to wake up & read all your news in detail with my coffee in the morning

cersei you're not alone on the hoover. I once cleared loads out of the workshop with a cheap Sainsburgers hoover only to realise it had no bag in it. Had to abandon it completely.

I want a moomin-go-round! I don't know what it is but I like the sound of it. Once when I was in the bath, a spider squeezed itself out of the over flow bit and plopped into the water with me, whereupon it began swimming determinedly towards me..heading for God knows where. Nobody wants an arachnid up their fanjo now do they? I screamed blue murder ,leapt in one athletic bound from the bath, causing a tsunami of considerable proportions and fled naked and shrieking round the house, leaving a trail of bubbles. Waste of a bloody good bath. Bastard!!!!

I grew up in South Africa. We had spitting cobras hanging out in the patio pots and scorpions in the turn ups of our jeans and yet my greatest fear was the bloody evil geese that used to chase us when we went to play up at the kraal.

I have a brilliant book called snakes and snakebites that used to fascinate me as a child. All that necrotising flesh.

When in Australia, camping in Kakadu, a fat arsed leviathan of a spider kept me out of my tent all night. I drank beer instead.

Spider dancing to YMCA

m.youtube.com/watch?v=xYIUFEQeh3g

Dementedma, that is the most hilarious description of a horrifying scenario!

Still loving this thread. May have to write a strongly worded email to MNHQ about their delay in moving it to Classics.

I've been dipping in and out of this horror film thread since yesterday. Love your writing style Bess and am in awe of those of you that brave the monsters daily

DD spent a few months living in Kent until recently- the green fanged funnel web horrors under the kitchen window were one of the reasons she moved back this way!

It seems a safe enough place to confess to my recent Isembard slaying, I've been slated in RL for being cruel but they weren't there.

One was boil washed despatched in the bath after taunting me for two consecutive nights by running in and out of the bathroom cupboard while I was indisposed. I shook it off the bathmat eventually, wasn't sure it would ever let go. Took ages to get the bugger down the plug hole, it was straddling it like a rock climber with superglue shoes on.

The other one tried to give me heart failure by running out of a pair of jeans I'd just flung on the ironing board. I peered down to see if it had run onto the underside of the board only to see it charging towards me at eye level across the board as I straightened up! I was barefoot and in my bedroom so I had no choice. It didn't suffer as it fried but the bastard took ages to clean off and a leg or two may still be embedded in my ex's jeans. Such a shame

Sorry Thumb I'd assumed pest control.

Bess it's only small scorpions in the UK, stings are like bee stings apparently.

Oh my word, death by ironing! I can understand your desperation though, married, one of the gallopy fuckers came at me out of the washing I was sorting out. I screamed a proper girly, blood-curdling scream and ran out of the room. DH rolled his eyes and muttered some comment about teaching the DC irrantional fear, etc.
But it came RUNNING AT ME, I tell you.
Hence the name they've been given on here. (Perhaps Gallopus Fuckeris should be their official name - aka The Beast)

I once had one heading in my direction while I was on the phone to my MIL who is known for her disgust at the harming of any creature so I had to keep quiet (there isn't much talking to be done when in a conversation with her anyway, tbf) and just use the nearest object to hand - it was death by tin of paint. Least it was quick.

Oops, my mistake. Isimbards are a separate species to Gallopy Fuckers.

Still, anything running at you is asking for trouble.

Shall I tell you about the time I was followed through a shop by the shop owner? Or will you all pass out?

Go on Thumb- I have a horrible feeling I know why but I still want to hear!

I'm confused. What is the scientific distinction between Isembards and gallopy fuckers?
Love death by ironing.....