to kill all the spiders?

[bessarabiantiger]

We live in the country, we're very lucky with our house and we've been here two years. There's a lake on the property and with lakes come mosquito hoardes (fine, live and let live, we knew about this when ee took the place, and with mosquito hoardes come spiders.

I am alright with most types of spider, I allow Huntsman (? Spindly legged) in every room as they're no bother and keep the mossies down when we have the windows open. Brown recluse get ejected with a glass & cardboard or eaten by the cat.

This year we have a problem with false widows and a kind we've never seen before. They are awful. Striped and with extra long front legs, they shamble across the ceiling as if they're drunk & often fall in your drink/dinner/hair.

We now have around 80 of the fuckers in the kitchen. They are making nests. For many people this wouldn't even be an issue. But me being me I've said to myself, well the windows are open, they aren't scaring me on purpose (even after the night I walked into the kitchen without turning the lights on and had one who was making a web land on my face. ARGH!) Etc. Etc.

We've used every natural repellant going. From plug-in spider scarers (knew they were bullshit but was at wits end last sept) to conkers, peppermint oil, spider hoover, removing them all outside (shudder. That was a horrible day) only to find a new gang there in the morning.

After me and DH being bitten this week (him on the neck, me on the hand WHILST ASLEEP IN BED! Hand swelled up for the next 24 hours, yes, it was a spider, found it crawling down my leg) I have finally and very reluctantly bought spider poison.

I am hoping someone can offer a better solution before I have to use it. DS has mild asthma and am worried about the effect on him (we will evacuate for the day after use) and it's an aersol as well as a poison. It sounds silly, but I've only ever used aerosol twice- the ozone layer was so drummed into me at school it feels akin to pooping straight down a whales blow hole!

AIBU to kill the spiders so they stop biting us? Has anyone got any other solution?

We break webs and remove visible offenders bi-daily BTW.

DD has just declared me nuts as I noticed two spiders either fighting or doing spider naughties above the kitchen door and I immediately leapt up from table to stand on my chair & take pictures.

She may have a point.

Sitting here twitching and waiting for the first gallopy fuckers to frighten the bejasus out of me.....

I too have an impending sense of doom.
I do think a good spray of spider x helped last year (stocks up on Amazon)

Aww a baby Jorah! This makes me very happy

This thread is indeed brilliant. I'm in Sussex too and have gone all itchy and uncomfortable while scrolling through this thread at arms length. God speed my friend, I hope you get the exterminators in to deal with the fuckers.

Hang on, "spider x"? I just googled this and it's an environmentally friendly deterrent - how come no-one brought this up before, or did I miss it?

Isn't this your answer, op? You could at least protect your bed. And wine!

Spider X moiders them all indiscriminately and I refuse to kill the Charlottes. It's also lethal to aquatic life & we live on a lake.

I have no idea how it would get in the lake but I have an active imagination & visions of waking up to a load of dead fish, and me collapsing to my knees shouting 'nnoooooooooooo!', cursing God and damning my own eyes repeatedly.

It's exhausting being me.

I'm once again catching up on this late at night (no baking DP's work clothes tonight though, thankfully) and seriously, am in stitches. Bess, your anatomically accurate spider diagram is fantastic. Then Tiggy's 'when you fall asleep, spiders rub their wellies on your face' nearly ended me .

We found a fucking false widow on our front porch last summer. DP dealt with it by firebombing the fucker, with the aid of a lighter and can of deodorant.

willies! They rub their willies on your face. Fuck knows what spiders do with their wellies .

Also, this.

PMSL at the pics on this thread, including Bess's artwork! True quality. This is my favourite thread this year, I'm certain of it.

Still can't recognise your bitey stripey bastardicus but I have to post a pic of what happens when you feed spiders caffeine (Hint: not what you think!)
The names of the drugs given to the spiders are in German but still recognisable.

Thumb, indeed, it's been rather a while since a thread on here made me quite so happy (though the bastard cat thread in Chat is also fecking brilliant) . 'Hate amplification centre' on Bess' spidey diagram was particularly awesome.

BTW, I have learned so much about the eight legged fuckers thanks to your listing the various antipodean arachnids that you regularly have to do hand to hand combat with. I've been doing some serious googling of the beasties. How do you ever sleep under the threat of a huntsman infiltrating your home? I'm definitely too wimpy too live in Australia. I'd be prowling the perimeter all night, every night with appropriate spidey assassination gear, probably wearing night vision goggles .

Thumb I quite like the LSD one. I may just go & score soke acid and ask the spiders to redecorate. We could paint the webs in neon.

Shadows I too have no idea what spiders do with their wellies. Shit in them probably.

Bloody hell Bess, I'm Australian and so you'd think I'd be immune to these sorts of horrors but your house terrifies me. Please don't ever move to Australia like an earlier poster suggested, THE SPIDER HORDES MIGHT FOLLOW YOU HERE.

Love this thread.....we have these all over the house. They have green fangs apparently.

owl I think I can promise quite sincerely that I will never move to Australia. Because knowing my luck, my arrival will coincide with the discovery of some kind of land shark. Or Barracudas with parachutes. Or geese in tanks.

tellme

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHH......BREATHE.......HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I know Bess, exactly my response when dh told me they are all around the front door.

They build tube webs in holes/crevices.

They are so broad looking, like muscle heads!

One of them has either died in a weird position or is giving me the finger. It's getting hard to tell...

Fuck me Tellme, they are brutes! Where do you live again?

I have red ones all over my house. I don't mind them so much. They tend to stay put for the most part.

Tellme - that's a tube spider, yes? They're amazing! There are some really good photos on the internet of their gleaming greenish fangs.

Bess - land shark - now there's an idea! But y'know, there are plenty of other killer creatures to worry about, mostly the snakes...

they build tube webs in holes and crevices

I would be sleeping in cast-iron undercrackers and a gas mask.

This is the most horrific thread of nightmarish proportions that I have ever read.

I am convinced that giant spiders are are suddenly going to descend upon me, parachute style, en masse.

I have every sympathy for your plight, bess, but I'm seriously hoping that you are nowhere near the Sussex/Kent border ...

I just blasted snot all over my screen and neatly peed at giving me the finger

Well I'm very glad you peed neatly. No excuse for a messy wee.