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Original poster

Did I really say that?...

241 replies

Flyinggeese21 · 06/05/2015 18:07

Still cringing 24 hours later after saying something embarrassing yesterday... I think there have been similar threads before but does anyone want to share 'can the ground just swallow me up now' moments?

At my regular fitness class and someone who goes usually has issues with stitch and we sometime have a chat about how far in advance of exercise we eat, just small talk. Yesterday I asked him had he had his usual pre-workout snack. And then I said... 'I thought of you when I was eating a banana earlier'. WHAT?! Why?

OP posts:
kumamon · 15/05/2015 17:34

Just reliving the horrendous moment when, during a salt scrub spa treatment on my 'cleavage area', I said to the young female therapist: 'wow my boyfriend would love to be here right now'.

Indantherene · 15/05/2015 19:23

I took my then 15 yo DS to Arnhem and we wanted to check if the bridge we were approaching was the right one.

He double-checked with me what the bridge was called and it was only after he asked in the shop for the John Smith bridge and all the assistants smirked that I remembered it is actually the John Frost bridge.

He was Blush. The shop people were Grin

mummyof2munchkins · 15/05/2015 21:23

I have told my shameful story before so apologies for repeating myself.

I was due to return to work from Maternity leave. Was joining a new team within my organisation. I went in to meet the new team feeling all hormonal and a bit nervous. New boss seemed very nice, lovely middle aged, middle class (no children) lady. She introduced me to the new team saying " welcome to Mummy who will join us after her maternity leave ends, she's been away quite a long time so don't worry if she tries to cut up your food". The team chuckly politely.

Do i join in with a polite chuckle, no no no. I reply "oh DD is too little for cut up food yet. I'm much more likely to shove a boob in your face or sniff your bum for poo" Shock

I still cringe thinking about it.

emmelinelucas · 16/05/2015 01:18

kumamon

flugella · 16/05/2015 09:33

I came out with a howler on Thursday. Talking with my nurse and a patient about exercise preferences, my nurse is a gym fiend, patient and I prefer going out for walks etc.

Only I phrased it as, "I do love a bit of streetwalking"... Blush Thankfully that patient knows me well enough to find it hilarious but I was reminded of it all afternoon...

PutWittyUsernameHere · 16/05/2015 13:25

As a very innocent 19 year old on a student work placement, I was in the office early one morning with a few colleagues, when I turned round to find a male colleague standing right behind me. I jumped as I hadn't heard him approach, and without thinking said 'wow, you slipped in without me noticing!' Couldn't look him in the eye for the rest of the placement... Blush

Doodlebug300 · 16/05/2015 19:11

My friend's very sweet middle-aged mother was visiting the States quite a long time ago for the first time and trying to make her temporary home nice with a live plant. She went to a store and asked them very politely, 'I'm trying to buy a pot plant? Do you sell any pot plants?' and was really surprised to be treated in quite a hostile manner by the owners who told her with pursed lips, 'We don't sell anything like THAT here'.

She was really bemused, and only later when she found out what 'pot' was did she realise what the ladies thought she had been trying to buy.

AhTram · 16/05/2015 23:44

newtothevillage Prawn Mayo Sandwich. sobbing

the other day I was picking my two up from nursery and as usual, DS is giddy and running around. He ran under the feet of three young women, tripping up two of them. I say to him in my mum voice accompanied by the look 'Say Sorry. Now'. The women all mumble 'sorry' to my son!

Crying at most of these.

stayathomegardener · 16/05/2015 23:57

DH was working in Germany in the 90's and mentioned on the phone that he liked some music by a new artist called Barky Bark, he was vague and the line was bad.
As his birthday was coming up I decided to track this new musician down in HMV.
I think it was at the point the assistant had called all the staff over to help him search for this new artist that I realised they were all trying not to laugh. I brazened it out and insisted it could not possibly be Marky Mark and flounced off under the pretense of searching elsewhere.

Think it was 1991... still cringing.

gabsdot45 · 20/05/2015 17:27

I once asked a girl I know how her mother was. She went all quiet and said, "she died in September"
The stupid thing is I know this girl well, I knew her mother was dying and I don't know how I missed the news that she had died.
This was about 6 months later.

Original poster
Flyinggeese21 · 20/05/2015 22:21

Barky Bark:)

OP posts:
KERALA1 · 20/05/2015 22:40

Walked past local twee shop. Saw some jugs in the window so went in.

Rather grand shop lady: may I help you?
Me: no it's fine I was just admiring your jugs"

elQuintoConyo · 20/05/2015 23:11

fuck off you spud cunt is killing me!

When I was around 24, I was in the UK for a time, doing a summer job to earn money. Once summr was over, I was going back to

The job was as PA to a big cheese engineer on a very big building site. On my last day, they gathered round with a bottle of wine and a signed card. We were all, gaving a chat, they said they'd enjoyed my company, I'd done my job really well, they wished me all the best in etc, all very typical and polite. I came out with, "yes, I'm going to miss you all. I'll think of you back here in the mud".

Confused
elephantoverthehill · 21/05/2015 00:01

The day of my motorcycle test. I walked into the test centre and was pleasantly surprised as how clean it was. I announced at the counter my name and why I was there, the reply came ' Well done love, this is the vets, the test centre is next door'. It only got worse, when during my test I was told to take every left turn, round the block. I didn't. The tester eventually found me and said 'Left turns first, then we will progress to right turns'. I still passed. Better than my sister though who went into an estate agents to pick up her mended watch - understandable I guess - except she had taken it to the jewellers in the first place.

kavv0809 · 21/05/2015 00:31

Dying with laughter at spud cunt.

Mine is years ago now, working in an office. Colleague picks up my phone and says 'kavv it's a lady for you? Think it's your mum'.

I pick up the receiver and (I have no idea why) screech 'MOOOOMMMMEEEEY!!!' at the top of my voice.

It wasn't my mum.

It was a client.

To make matters worse I then proceeded to try and brazen it out in a breezy 'nothing to see here' manner. It did not go well.

meisiemee · 21/05/2015 09:26

Since this thread I can't stop giggly at some things I hear everyday (turning into smutty old woman!).
On phone yesterday at work and the guy at the end was checking his colleagues calendar to arrange a meeting. He then said whilst opening the calendar "let me just get it up for you" I had to bite my pen to stop myself giggling!

ProfessorPickles · 21/05/2015 10:38

I was once messaging my boss and I put "nice talking to you" but my iPhone autocorrected it to "nude talking to you" Blush

MarvellousMarbles · 21/05/2015 10:57

A couple of days ago I texted DH because I knew he was having a rough day at work. Didn't have anything particular to say, so just texted 'Hello x'.

I text via speaking into phone (partially sighted) and the message got autocorrected to 'Hello ex'

He said that made a bad day considerably worse Shock

Cecyhall · 21/05/2015 11:27

Me and dh, before we were married, once went to an old fashioned sweet shop as we were considering having little pick and mix bags as wedding favours.

The lady in the shop was showing us various bags that they could do asked what colour scheme the wedding had. It was white and silver but for some completely unknown reason my brain decided to say 'white and see-through'. She just looked at me like Hmm and then Confused.

MarvellousMarbles · 21/05/2015 12:30

She was probably picturing your dress, Cecy!

brusselsproutwarning · 21/05/2015 12:30

White and see through Grin

Original poster
Flyinggeese21 · 21/05/2015 13:01

Oh boy. Just remembered another, even further in the recesses. I was early 20s working in an office.

One of the managers (a bloke) gave me some pointers on something, and instead of saying 'I'll take your advice'. It came out 'I'll take your tip'. I just had to pretend I had no idea what was funny.

Right I've confessed three now. Pretty sure that's it!

OP posts:
ProfessorPickles · 21/05/2015 14:28

Oh geese that made me laugh, take your tip Grin

OnlyLovers · 22/05/2015 11:33

no it's fine I was just admiring your jugs Grin

Wishful80smontage · 22/05/2015 12:19

Not me but my ex boss (old school matron like lady) - she was looking for volunteers in our team meeting for an upcoming project but no one was putting themselves forward. She was starting to get cross at this point and said 'someone please put yourself forward or I'm going to start fingering people' still no one 'sorry wishful I'm going to have to finger you and Susan- I don't like fingering people but you have left me no choice' I nearly choked on my coffee she had no clue what we were all sniggering about. :)